Being The Black Sheep.

Do you ever feel like the universe just doesn’t like you? When you look around you, you see others being treated the way you want to be treated. You try to act fair & treat others the way you wanna be treated but it’s not enough coming from you. Then, you start to wonder if there is something wrong with you. Well, if you can relate to me, I was young, dumb, selfish, & stupid. I rebelled & burned bridges with a lot of people that cares about me. I turned my back on them. Even with friends, I was always that one that everyone picked on because it was easy to pick on me. I’m known as the “new girl,” I moved around a lot, going to different schools all the time. Then, as I get older, I would crave attention & company more than just being content with myself because maybe it’s me. I am the problem. I spent years trying to be someone I am not just so I can receive what everyone else is receiving. Right? Let’s fast forward to 2020.

I’m focused on rebuilding, I’m focused on bettering myself for me & everyone else. But the bridges is already burned & it’s going to take YEARS to repair so at this point, it seems like no one really cares about you that much now. That’s not the case, though. My point in this post is to help make others understand what being the black sheep feels like. Some will say it’s all in your head. But, when you experience constant neglect & abandonment, there is really no other way to look at it. Family go on trips without you & then say “you had to work,” “you was mad at us,” “we didn’t know that you wanted to be a part of it,”... it was always on me. I’m the reason why I couldn’t participate. Every single time & I wonder “maybe I’m just tripping, overreacting.” Then, you mind your business & continue working on you & BOOM, you see your “friends” who call you a friend, all go out & didn’t invite you. When you say something about it, you are the excuse to why you wasn’t invited, but they are your friends, right?

Being the black sheep is a complicated, yet simple label. It’s complicated because you feel like no one understands. Imagine just walking down the whole block of functions going on. Functions you are not invited to, you see everyone is enjoying themselves, happy, cheerful, and enjoying each other company & you are on the sidelines watching. You have no choice but to be happy for everyone. Then you get to the last house on the block, your house. It’s empty. You walk in & you turn on your music, have your own party, or cook you a nice meal, or take a nice hot bath. The black sheeps are the ones who knows how to be alone, content with themselves because they was forced too. They had too.

When you meet someone like that, they turn to over cherish every relationship the get into. Appreciate that company & want to do so many things with that person or group of people. You try your hardest not to run them away. You tend to get a little possessive. It’s not your fault for acting like that. For being sensitive. Some do not care, and some (like me) does. When you struggle with finding your place in this world & in people’s lives, you have to put in a lot of effort to focus on you because you cannot force your way in things. You want things to come naturally & favorably as well. You want it to be genuine. Yes, feeling alone is the worst feeling in the world but how you let your feelings affect you is entirely up to you.

Take solo trips, take yourself on dates, go attend events by yourself. Do not wait for anyone because no one would wait for you. There will be no one waiting for you. The black sheeps are the strongest people in the workd because they know & have accepted that no one is going to wait for you. You continue to be grateful & stay faithful because if you don’t, you will be end up like Ebenezer Scrooge.

Let me tell you a secret. Ebenezer Scrooge is my favorite Christmas movie. 😊❤️ I know right? I’ve never heard anyone say that’s their favorite movie too but I used to loved watching in school before we hit Christmas break, lol. So, if you are going through this, you are not the only one, trust me. ✨ Because one day, it’s going to hit you by a surprise & you will be glad that you stayed down & faithful & continued loving on others no matter how they feel towards you.