Being A Shorty

There was an article int the Pasadena/San Gabriel Valley Journal (April 15, 2004) written by Thulani Davis that talked about a recent study conducted by Motivational Educational Entertainment (MEE) where teens and young adults ages sixteen to twenty were interviewed about the heightened disrespect and open disdain for Black women. There was one paragraph in the article that stood out to me and made me realize that the issue of disrespect was not just an adolescent one but an adult one as well. The study refers to the teens as “the hip-hop generation” who are most likely children of the first “hip-hop generation” which is my generation. I know just as many men my age who have the same mentality as this younger generation because they were the first to have this “hip-hop” mentality and they have now passed this way of thinking on to their children.

This is definitely a cultural issue and not necessarily an age or generational issue nor is it even an economical issue as this article may have suggested. However, as the article points out most of the adolescents getting pregnant and falling victim are the poor. But I grew up in a small city in upper-white middle-class America, yet, still fell prey to this altered world.

I have first-hand experience of this attitude towards Black woman from both men and women. As the authors of the study put it, “Black females are valued by no one” and once sucked in there is no escaping the stigma that are placed on you as a Black female.

The study included a glossary of six nouns used to describe these boys/men (or as I like to call them predators): dog, homeboy, playa, lame, sugar, daddy and payload. The study also included a glossary of nouns (at least 15 of them) used to describe the women: block, bender, woo-woo, flip-flop, skewer, hood-rat, ho and trick to name a few; all meaning promiscuous female. But in addition there are freak, bitch, gold-digger, hooch mama, runner, flipper, shorty and wifey (the more ambiguous term).

These predators prey on the weak and vulnerable. The article stated, “A partner whom a male turns to purely for sex, dubbed a shorty, is not a person he wants to take out and there is no escape: once a shorty, always a shorty”. Marriage is not a priority, and a committed relationship is often disdained, though some males have steadies they call wifey: that’s the chick they (claim to) want to be with (married to). However, both a shorty and a wifey are equally disrespected. I don’t think people realize how many wifey’s and shorty’s are out there and most women don’t even realize they are one.

This article made me realize that I have been a shorty and a wifey at some point in my life. I didn’t even realize I had been sucked into this culture. I have never been a huge fan of hip-hop, although, I do like some hip-hop artists but I have never liked what the women were doing in the videos or how they were being portrayed and I would not call myself promiscuous. However, I have realized that you do not have to be associated with this culture in order to be stigmatized and labeled like the women of this culture. After reading this article, I realized that I had fallen victim to these predators when I was just fifteen years old and from that moment on I was labeled.

At the age of fifteen, I was preyed on by an older boy who knew exactly what he was doing and how naive I was. He saw my weakness and vulnerabilities and used that against me. I did not have enough knowledge about boys but, more important, I did not have enough self-respect. And it is not just about having self-respect but, also, having a good self-image; a love for one’s self.

This is where I plead to all parents, if you want to save your teenage daughters from these “predators”, I strongly urge you to instill these positive qualities: self-respect, self-love and a good self-image into your daughters while they are young. This will be their Suit of Armor when they come face-to-face with one of these predators. If only someone would have armed me when I was young I would not be, at age 33, just realizing that this is how I, once, was viewed.

Young women and girls are being told that they are only worth having sex with but are not worth being respected, that they are not worth saving if the ship were sinking. Young women and girls, especially young Black girls, are not valued as human beings. However, the saddest part to all this is these males can’t and won’t see that they don’t even respect or value themselves. They do not put themselves into the same categories as they put women.

I want to thank Thulani Davis for writing this article. It has shed some light on a dark culture that very few see or want to acknowledge. It helped me realize that I was once a “shorty” and men won’t start respecting women until we start respecting ourselves. From the first night you sleep with a guy you devalue yourself. The men take their cue from us, women/girls, and categorize us. They think sex is all we want and they take advantage of our vulnerabilities.

I was never given a Suit of Armor to protect me from these predators and I fell prey. I, now, understand that in my life I was never viewed as being more than just a “shorty” or a “wifey” (somebody not worth saving and somebody not worth respecting) because my actions did not show that I was somebody worth marrying, saving or respecting.

Written by Dana Toliver. Copyright. All Rights reserved.