Apparently it's wedding season,

I will be attending a wedding this weekend, it's not my first as an adult but it is my first being sober. This couple is a friend of my boyfriend's and I've known the groom as long as I've known my guy. The bride and I have since become circular friends. What I mean is; we are by proxy to our male counterparts going to be around each other at gatherings so it's better to make nice. I get along with most people so this isn't the issue.

While I have my own perspective surrounding the institution of marriage and it's hold on today's market of "Happily Ever After", I am excited to celebrate and join the festivities. The groom is a second timer and the soon to be bride is a spitfire after a shot or two. Love them both and wish them well. So here's the conundrum, most of the guests aside from a select few will be drinking and probably quite heavily.

I am doing my best to mentally prep for the evening and that might involve me going home earlier than the rest of the crowd. I can handle people having a few drinks but weddings are a different animal. I've tended bar at several weddings prior to jumping on the wagon and have seen even the most modest of aunties out on the floor dancing like Jennifer Grey and Patrick Swayze.

I refuse to be a "Debbie Downer" (no offense to any Debbie out there reading this) however realistically speaking I need to be aware I might need to excuse myself from the fun if the drinking gets to be too much. The ability to say and follow through with this type of behavior would have been unheard of from me 5 years ago. Today I can plan ahead, take the necessary steps to protect my vibe or energy by being cognizant and prepared. Which means if it's time for me to go.... I'm gone! No if's and's or but's about it.

We have two more weddings to attend within a 6 month period so I will use this experience to help fortify my foundation for future use. Those other weddings will be far from home, in areas slightly foreign yet also familiar. Both are back in Ohio; in Fall and Spring. This practice will do my recovery good, with each passing day my intuition and trust in self grows stronger. I am capable of healthy boundaries and removing myself when and if needed.

My partner supports and understands these needs, he knows it is a balancing act, similar to walking a tightrope. Regarding this human need for social interactions and the safety of my sobriety, he is and becomes more at ease navigating the fine line between enjoyment and irritation. It doesn't help that when I am annoyed most everyone can tell, despite my best efforts to wipe emotion from my face.

Wish me luck, not that I catch a bouquet or garter, but that our relationship with these group of people survives. It's not that I think things will go THAT badly, it's more or less standing back and allowing the truth to unfold. I've had discussions with my boyfriend about his choice of "friends" and their behavior which until recently he had left unacknowledged. The drinking is just the tip of the iceberg but he didn't want to admit these "life-long" friendships were nothing more than overgrown children parading around pretending to be adults and not actual fulfilling friendships.

What irritates me most is I can't make any of them change and he wouldn't see it! He got to see firsthand a week ago so it will be interesting to see the interaction now. Zero motivation for bettering oneself, which is kinda like my main focus in life nowadays... these guys think getting your shit together means the mortgage, 2 cars+, boats/toys/etc., couple kids and retiring at 66. Not developing your emotional awareness and healing trauma from your past to show up for your person completely and be present. SO yeah, we'll see how it all goes.