When asked, most people would agree that they would prefer to feel peace over anger. However, if we were to look at anger in more depth, we would realise that people experience this emotion in very different ways. Anger is usually a reaction to how an individual would respond to a situation or life event, and many people may not realise that they are carrying anger around with them in their day to day lives. When we compare this to peace, peace is the epitome of forgiveness. We can not find peace within ourselves until we can learn to forgive other people for their actions.
Forgiveness is not easily achieved, as it is easier to hold a grudge against someone than it is to process the hurt and come to terms with it. This takes practice, understanding, and detachment from the ego. When our ego feels threatened, our natural reaction is to go into fight or flight mode where we may respond with hurtful words or physical outbursts towards another. We may also try to suppress our anger in an attempt to run away from how it makes us feel. Both of these examples do not equate peace and will hinder any ability to heal the pain.
A close relative of mine has anger that she has not yet dealt with or channeled in a positive way, and because of this she sits with that anger, and she takes it out on the ones closest to her. This same experience happened with me and an ex-partner. Love is so powerful. It can bring about the most intense emotions. When the ego feels hurt or when past trauma is triggered, the reaction can be so explosive that the individual may not even realise they are doing it. If people don’t heal their past traumas, their childhood trauma, effectively they are walking around as hurt little children masked as adults. When I look at this person, broken down because of the anger that they hold and in their most vulnerable state, crying and defenseless, I can’t help but picture a little girl or a little boy who is crying out for help. However, we must learn to remind ourselves that we can not take on other people’s pain and we can not harness their anger for them. All we can do is support them and set healthy boundaries in order to protect them and ourselves. Their pain is not our problem, as harsh as this may sound. We all have our own karma to heal, we all have our own demons, and everyone is dealing with their own problems. Adding your problem to someone’s already existing problems is not the answer. This will only cause that person to resent you or push you away. This way the issue is never resolved. Work through that pain, work through that anger, as hard as it may be. The reason people explode in anger is because they are walking about trying to be people pleasers, they are denying the side of them which needs to feel in order to process the hurt or the pain. They are denying themselves a natural emotion. It’s okay to feel angry, it’s okay to shout sometimes, but you must work to get to the root of the problem, otherwise this behaviour will just repeat itself. You have to get comfortable with your emotions, you need to sit with them, feel them, and then release them.
What I’ve come to realise is that if you don’t learn to heal, the only person you’re hurting is yourself. So, I ask you again, which do you choose anger or peace...?