An Open Letter to the 17-Year-Old Me

Dear you,

It’s an honour to speak to you. We’re not here for cliché stuffs, but to appreciate someone for existing – that’s beautiful.

Let’s begin with that word: beautiful. You ARE beautiful. You just do not see it yet, but the people around you do. I know it’s weird to think of the what could’ve beens and what should’ve beens, because life is really sometimes greener on the other side. Your classmate always looks flawless with her non-frizzy hair, even the guys sometimes tease at your hairy legs.

But that’s okay, you’ll learn that having hairy legs could be a totally normal thing (a privilege, even!). That’s because, here’s a secret: when you’re single, you’re always making all the extra effort into looking hairless, but when you’re in a relationship, you pretty much ditch the shaver whenever possible. Because let's face it, you'll have more money to spend on that unnecessary denim jacket than paying for your waxing now. Plus, Prince Charming loves you for who you are, not because you have plenty of hair everywhere. So, that should be the least of your concerns.

I also know you’ve had to ask around whether you look pretty or not, and can only feel sufficient when you receive it from someone else. But truth is, does it really matter what other people say? Why shouldn’t that reassurance come from within yourself? If you’re the last survivor in the world, would you still be able to have the opportunity to ask someone what they feel about you? Maybe not to that extent, but you know where I’m at.

And besides, beauty is subjective. If those guys didn’t like you in school, that’s fine because you will really get to meet better one(s) in the future (especially so when there is already one waiting for you). But before you get to meet your Prince Charming, you will fail in lots of relationships. Some friends will say you are going through rebounds and that you're taking them for granted, but I know you aren’t doing that. I know that you always put your all into each relationship.

But by doing so, you usually get the short end of the stick too. It’s still okay though, you’ll slowly learn to remove yourself from guys that are not worth your time. You will fall multiple times, but you always rise up higher and stronger than before. It will always seem impossible until you come up on top. Some guys are devils in disguise, some just don’t really know how love works and will hurt you along the way with them. You can choose to forgive them, but you may remember the lessons learned (although you almost always repeat the same mistakes in all of your relationships).

Also, please watch out for two particular guys that love God more than anything else, and trust me, because they are not the ones for you. With that being said, it will be interesting too, knowing that this could lead you onto your freethinker journey. All the times you thought by learning Christianity would help the relationship blossom, and the confusion and disagreements you have while being a Buddhist – your new mindset will liberate you in ways you can’t imagine.

Please also learn that it’s totally okay to think the way you think. You’re not crazy, and your opinions are as valuable as everybody else’s. If you really want to change the world, you can. If you want to open a dog shelter, you can. If you want to travel to every corner of the world, to the deepest forest and to the bottom of the ocean, to learn and engage with local communities, you most definitely can. You have a heart of gold, and you just need to sharpen the will, because these can definitely take you wherever your heart desires. Do not let anyone take that liberty away from you (and don’t let that person be you).

Please also take good care of the people around you. They’re around you for a reason, either they love you or they really just love you. Nope, that wasn’t a typo. Family can choose to stay – or not – and they are staying with you because of the love they have for you. As for friends, please know that a handful of them is far more important than having hundreds of hi-bye Facebook friends you see on your screen on a daily basis.

You will have health issues that can affect every aspect of your life, so having these friends close by could really help to silent the turmoil in you. Do not ever let them go, do not turn your backs on them, and always be appreciative of them and keep them close. Your friends will always have your back when shit gets real and hits the fan. Always. You just need to reach out sometimes.

And lastly, please take good care of yourself. There is only one you – one body, one mind and one soul. One Sookie. Take plenty of rest yet take lots of time to work on yourself. Your future self will thank you for that, but please, do not think that you are “owing” anything to the future. No. It’s not like that. Just think of it as something you need to do for yourself, because you deserve nothing but the best. And you can make it through.

Have fun, be free and remember to always take one thing at a time. Go for yoga. Take long walks by the beach. Play with stray dogs. Love fiercely. Hug tightly. Smile so wide that others can't see your eyes (#asianproblems). There is always light at the end of the tunnel.

So, yes, it's really an honour to speak to you. :)

Best regards,

Sookie @ 27 years old (2019)