An Early Rising Sacred Ritual

I remember watching the movie “Outbreak” when I was 15 years old. I remember thinking how freaking scary that would be if some virus actually struck the world. I also remember that immediate fear lasted only as long as the train ride back home. Then years later in 2011, I watched another movie delivering the same message as “Outbreak.” I was 31 years old when I watched “Contagion.” In my years of maturity, when the movie became the topic of conversation, I expressed appreciation for “Contagion’s” entertainment and its logical expression on how a horrific virus affects life.

Despite the acknowledgement that Hollywood’s depiction of a pandemic is possible, never in a million years did I imagine living and witnessing an era where there is a deadly contagious virus and a global outbreak. The surrealness of the past year and a half is unheard off. 2020 and 2021 have pushed us all to the limits. Wearing masks has become the norm. Clocking into work requires a daily form completion of your physical symptoms. Machines –either handheld or standing on their own—are pointed at your forehead, third eye, pineal gland, taking your temperature before allowing access to enter the premises.

Why do I discuss that which you already know? Because even with all these “precautionary methods” and following these mandates, one is never prepared for that dreadful moment where the virus becomes “real.” The moment when a simple phone call creates such turmoil inside that the word 'death' is not just a word but a possibility. The moment your soul experiences a tug of war between life and death. The moment where our true nature is revealed, and we are forced to make a choice. Do I choose me and live? Or do I keep going as is and call that living? This is the moment I chose peace and sanity above all else. I want to share this moment; the birthing of my “threading the needle” version.

I was teaching from home. The previous day the school had enforced and early dismissal due to new discovered covid cases. We were ordered to resume virtual classes for the rest of the week. I already had taught my first morning class. I was in a math team zoom meeting when I received the unexpected call. Let me tell you. There’s nothing pretty about the true raw state of fear when it creeps in, and you are truly contemplating the mortality of your own existence.

As my colleagues observed my muted image on zoom screen, they watched my demeanor change. I may have had a slight nervous breakdown. The specialist was informing me that two of my homeroom students were sick and tested positive for COVID19. My tears rolled through the contours of my face. I did not have and “ugly cry”; thank goodness. But I did have a feeling of emptiness. My soul dived into the unknown. It was like drowning in a dark abyss that spiraled me into a state of fear. I wish I could say that my initial concern was the wellbeing of my students. But that would be a blatant lie. My internal rampage was more along these lines:

“Oh shit!

This is real?

I could, have it?

What do I do?!

I’m not even prepared or stocked for quarantine.

I need groceries!

Do I worry my parents, my family back home?

I’m here by myself.”

Let’s just say, in my muted zoom presence, my colleagues witnessed tears of internal panic. I was emotionally and mentally in distress. When the specialist—Covid19 contact tracer--completed her directive, I resumed the zoom meeting with my co-workers.

“What happened?” several of them asked with concern. I explained that I was told to quarantine. I had to wait to take the test due to the incubation period of the virus, and that before I return to campus, I had to show proof of a negative covid test. I tried composing myself but as I heard myself speak. I observed my voice quiver. I was having difficulty communicating. I knew I couldn’t teach my afternoon classes.

So logically after concluding the zoom meeting, I messaged administration and explained my state of being. I was a mess. Keep in mind, this is early 2020 school year when the entire world is in massive panic. The principal called me and conceded my request to take off from teaching. She must have sensed my unfit emotional and mental wellbeing. I took two days off, and thank goodness, the school district had granted the following week off too.

Immediately after speaking to my boss, I had to breathe. I needed fresh air. I felt suffocated in the unknown. My panic button was pressed, and my mind rampaged again: “I need to go out. But I was just told to quarantine. What does that mean? I can’t even walk my dog? Oh my God! That’s not gonna happen.”

So against the directive, I took my cute Doggy Namaste for a walk. Yes, that is his name. It fits his six-pound toy fox terrier chihuahua stature. As we walked around the pond located in the back of my residence, I was in a void. The emptiness of the unknown. The beauty about an empty space is that with a little creativity one can change perspective. Then fill that space which is empty with all that you desire.

As I allowed the sun to nurture my skin and cradle my being, I asked myself serious, possible and practical questions:

“What if I take the test and it is positive?

What if this is my last year on this earth?

What if I’m one of the unfortunate ones who does not heal?

What does this mean for me right now?

Am I going to keep crying and be miserable with the time I have left?

Even if it is a few months, weeks or days?

Or am I going to feel good about me every day no matter what time I have left? "

When you are in an airplane and the oxygen masks drops in a state of emergency, we are always directed to put our mask on first before aiding another, even if it is a loved one. Well, if Corona Virus is not a state of emergency, then what is? So, I decided to put my oxygen mask on first.

In this moment, as I sunbathed and Doggy Namaste peacefully walked, I gained insight. I knew what I had to do. I had to take my power back. I had to find a way to not let the chaos from the world and the extraneous school requirements, such as endless testing, conferencing, training, and crazy deadlines bring me down. The world is going through a pandemic! Shouldn’t our wellbeing be our top priority!?

From that day forward, I began my early rising self-love atomic ritual. My mindset shifted and the internal rampage that I now welcomed in my head sounded like this:

“I am the architect of my life.

I am choosing wellbeing.

I will proof to myself daily that I am resolved in making my health a top priority.

If I am to survive a pandemic, I will train my body to function at optimal level.

If I am to strive against the fear within me, I will train my mind to function at optimal level.

I cannot control many things in this world, but I can control who I am and how I respond to the world.”

The very next day my “threading the needle” version emerged. I dedicated the rest of the school year to early rising and to home yoga dance meditation practice. A practice that can be more accurately described as my home yoga dance medication which resulted into a home yoga dance liberation. I found the grounding I had been missing to my emotional and mental states.

So, what is my “threading the needle” activity which is more like my sacred ritual? I will provide a quick understanding of the time freedom I have given myself to play with. When we give ourselves freedom, there is a balance that needs to be paid. Meaning, to achieve this freedom of my mind, body and soul, I must willfully exchange something in return. Thus, I exchange my early day time for my everyday peace.

Here is the breakdown of what that means. I wake at 4am, sometimes 3:33 or sometimes 4:30. But it must be before 5am. Why?

I must do the necessary maintenance within that first hour. I use the bathroom, walk Doggy, feed Doggy, prep my clothing and my lunchbox. By 5am I must be on my yoga mat. First, I dance and let go with a personal mantra I created to pump my spirits. Then, I practice my craft of yoga and finalize the session with my chakra cleanse meditation. All this before 6:20am. By 6:30am latest, I shower so I can head on out and face my day with the empowerment I gave myself. Only after I have put on my oxygen mask with my sacred early rising routine of movement and breath do I then have the light and energy to share with those cute 2nd graders.

Crazy I know to think that less sleep is the creation of self-sovereignty. But it is. My mind and body are taken care of before I proceed with my day and go out into the chaos of the world. At least during those early hours, I am just with me, with my heart, my soul and mind. When I begin to dance, I go to a zone of endless space and time. I usually play rhythms of my Latin drums. My body hears the beat and simply moves. I discover the sway of my hips as I rise every day. I indulge in the curvature of my body as I look in the mirror. The reflection of me moving and feeling my sensuality inspires me to discover more. I circle my waist, my chest and find new ways of expressing the drumbeats. This portion of my sacred routine is pure freestyle. I let go and let my joints wake as my feet stomp the ground with delight. I sync into blessed harmony. Dancing is the first movement of my threading the needle sacred ritual.

After almost 10 mins of uninhibited raw movement, I start my yoga conditioning and flow. During the first few weeks, the routines were almost the same. Once my body got accustomed to this early rising, throughout the year I changed up the routines. One day focuses on feet and legs. Second day focuses on arms and legs. Third day focuses on core and cardio. Fourth day focuses back to feet with more legs. Friday focuses back on arms and core. No matter what the yoga conditioning is, I always ended with my bliss.

Then I continue with a chakra meditation cleanse I created. I love this 8 to 11 mins meditation. I fall into a space of mindful awareness of my body parts as I scan one body part at at time surrendering into a deeper relaxation. Once I'm deep into the trance, I begin the focused chakra activation visualization. By the end of the meditation, this may be too much information (TMI), but I must be honest; after the meditation I go straight to the bathroom. The breath manipulation involved in the chakra meditation stimulates your intestinal tracks and 99% of the time I have to release in the bathroom. I think you understand my meaning now. Yes, that’s why I call it a chakra cleanse meditation. It will clean you out. HA!

So, there it is. My threading the needle sacred ritual activity. Out of my surprising breakdown during this covid era, something amazing happened in the void and darkness I found myself in.

In the midst of that panic, I was inspired to look at my wellbeing differently. I must put my oxygen mask on first, in order to navigate through the stressful pandemic and the demands of my teaching position. This is my testimony: Only after creating my own sacred early ritual time to empower my sovereignty, could I face the world and all it brings.

I only wish that each and every one of us finds their own “threading the needle” activity, especially in the times we are living in now. I wish for everyone to experience their own empowerment out of their own willful sacrifice to choose themselves first. I hope that anyone who reads these words will reflect deeply and ask an important question: “Do I have a thread the needle activity? Do I have a way to empower my mind ,body and soul?” If you don’t, then think of the mask in that airplane. Put your mask on first.

Namaste, Yogini4life, Dih-Anah Marie