Affirmations or Traps?

I saw the above image on someone’s Instastory recently and it made me think of the times I used to be obsessed with these things.

It wasn’t too long ago I was at this stage.

Bombarding my mind and thoughts with new, ‘positive’ affirmations and ways of being as much as I could.

I went so far as to write ‘I am enough’ on mirrors I would pass in my house every day, and even wrote it backwards on the outside of the shower door so that I could read it correctly whilst I was standing on the inside showering.

Affirmations were on my walls, my phone screens, my alarm notes, I would event set random calendar events to go off and remind me that I was enough, worthy, confident and all the rest.

I have a wild imagination and am super creative with ideas, so anything I thought would help, I did it.

I even visualised every morning as soon as I’d awaken and every evening as I was getting sleepy RELIGIOUSLY. So much so, that I began preferring life in my visualisations than in reality and would spend hours in these states of consciousness because I felt and experienced all the things I wanted to in the physical world.

And it did, help.

Temporarily.

I began getting my vibe back, feeling a sense of empowerment and all the other things these activities are supposed to induce.

But there was a problem.

It wasn’t my truth.

Everything I had visualised stemmed from scarcity, from lack, from past experiences, from fears, from insecurities, from frustration, from overwhelm, from stress, and from all the other things that one would usually label as ‘negative’.

The issue here is that because it was covered in the layers of all of these things, those visualisations, dreams and desires disappeared the more my truth came through and started showing me what I wanted.

For example, I thought I wanted to be driving a specific car, wearing certain clothes, being in specific parts of the world and around certain people.

All of which were things I associated with having money, and a lot of it.

What’s so bad about that?

Well, nothing. But the reason I wanted the money was because, at the time, I was no where near the financial position I wanted to be in, and although I had a few thousand in the bank, I knew it wasn’t any type of financial security.

I actually felt poor.

I wanted out.

I hated my financial situation given my age.

I was mad at myself for past financial decisions that weren’t the smartest.

My desire for money was drowning in lack and scarcity, not truth and authenticity.

It’s like wearing a full body animal suit for a job on hot days, and then deciding you don’t need any more jumpers in your life because it’s hot.

And really think about what I mean here.

The fully body suit represents the layers of shit that aren’t really us but that we’ve adopted into our identity temporarily and then make life decisions about.

Then when we take it off we realise it was completely wrong and not applicable to the truth of who we actually are.

Let me just also say, how I completely empathasize with the reality that we only know and experience what we know and experience.

Therefore, if right now you think you know who you are because you’ve done some level of personal development or self-awareness work, then you may not resonate with what I’m saying.

I understand that COMPLETELY.

I used to hear people talk about their true self and think, “how can you ever not be your true self?”, and of course, there is a degree of truth in that because even if in a moment you are not being ‘authentic’ that is still an expression of who you are, in that moment, within that context.

But let me tell you from experience of THOUSANDS of hours and years of my life dedicated to understanding the intricate simplicities of who I (we) am (are).

You definitely currently have habits, thoughts, behaviours, emotions and all the other things that served you once but are no longer applicable for you and your life right now.

And the only way you will recognise how insanely smothered in these once-useful-things you really are, is to begin to start properly exploring your inner world.

And I mean, REALLY fucking exploring it.

Not surface level, not even just holding a space for you to cry and let out some emotions.

I mean really opening your mind to all facets of who you are in all situations and conditions and recognising what feels authentic and what doesn’t.

And this will only get clearer and clearer as you go.

For example.

I’ve always been a very giving kind of person. I mean, most of us are conditioned to believe that’s who we should be and what we should do from a very young age.

And even when I was years deep into my internal journey, I still had an identity for myself when it came to giving and thought it was authentic.

It wasn’t until I began exploring and recognising my Goddessent truth (the actual truth of who we are), that I realised, yes, I do enjoy giving, but 99% of the time I had been giving, it had been conditional, based on fears (such as rejection, proving myself, ‘fitting my own identity’, how I look to others) or just simply, habitual.

I realised how many times I gave - my time, my things, my money - out of habit more than out of a natural inclination to give in a way that was empowering for both the other person and myself, and was true to who I was.

I will save the poisoned, modern ideology of ‘giving’ for another article as I have much to say on that topic, but I use this as an example of how even the things we think are natural to us, are only in direct relation to the depth at which we have recognised and embodied our truth.

What is natural is often confused with what is familiar, and identifying the difference is ridiculously important in the empowerment and expression of your truth.

I have (as always) gone off on a bit of a tangent (oops), but the point is, a lot of the affirmations, LOA goals and all the rest that we think we want, aren’t actually the result of connecting to who we are, and letting that guide us.

But now, I just want to bring it back more specifically to what was actually written in the image I mentioned at the beginning of this article.

Let’s just get straight in.

Firstly, what if we actually shifted our idea and understanding of what the things are that are under the ‘release’ category?

What if they were actually mechanisms in place for us to realise when we were not living our truth?

What if their purpose was to provide guidance by evoking a significant enough feeling in us to get us to pay attention?

What if they didn’t need to be released, but instead, connected to, listened to, and guided by?

What if we’ve been taught to avoid and steer away from these emotions when we should actually be going right into them?

What would the consequences be of doing so?

Well, I can tell you first hand from my experience, it feels fucking liberating.

The reason being because there is a complete realese in the surrendering to these things at the beginning (I say at the beginning because it feels like a significant release, but over time becomes normal and natural) as you no longer fight against the truth of who you are in any given moment (which includes feeling these things) which automatically comes with a gift of freedom.

Secondly, it’s liberating because you realise it was no where near as scary, overwhelming or detrimental as you thought it’d be if you just allow yourself to feel the feelings FULLY.

I think this is a really important point that I want to elaborate on.

I used to think allowing myself to cry when I was overwhelmed was feeling it fully. But now,

I know, it wasn’t deep or raw enough.

I actually didn’t feel it FULLY, all I felt was the explosive, overwhelming parts of it, like feeling the equivalent of boiling hot water bursting out of an overfilled kettle.

I felt the water that was bursting out, not the entirety of the boiling water in the kettle.

Why is this important?

Well, because, the kettle is still fucking full.

And while the kettle is full, you cannot fill it with something new. No matter how much you try, whatever you put in it, it will be mixed with the water that is already in there.

In more literal terms, if you only feel the squirts of the emotions, whatever ‘new’ things you try to visualise, think about and replace it with will be contaminated with the emotions you haven’t allowed yourself to fully release by fully feeling them.

You have to empty out the contents of your kettle! And the only way to do that is to feel it FULLY.

And you’re probably thinking, ‘but Cat, I cry, I scream, I do feel it fully’ and to an extent you may be right. I cannot tell you your truth, no one knows you better than you and you should ALWAYS trust your own judgment of yourself.

However, crying for the sake of feeling overwhelmed or because you think you should for the purposes of healing is not the same as surrendering fully to the emotions, and the related thoughts and feelings, for the sake of experiencing them itself.

It becomes a pleasurable state of suffering because it is experienced through a fundamental knowing that these emotions, thoughts and feelings actually aren’t bad at all - they are useful, beneficial, powerful and transformative - and with this, you no longer have any desire to avoid them because all of a sudden they are positive experiences.

You may be thinking, well, what the fuck does that look like?

And I’m sorry to say, but it doesn’t look the same for everyone.

And this is TRUE empowerment during your journey.

I don’t have the answer for you, you must find your own state of surrender through self exploration, patience and openness (even these may not be the way that works FOR YOU).

All I can give you is my story and what it looked like.

And for me, it was whenever I begun to think of something that made me feel emotional at a significant degree, I would literally close my bedroom door, sit or lay on my bed, and just let whatever emotion, feeling, thought, action or sensation come through me.

I stepped aside and let all of it scream and fight for my attention and release and let it all come out.

I wouldn’t cry because it was too much, I would cry because any significant glimpse of overwhelming emotion that I knew had to be released, was met with an immense desire to explore it - I wanted to feel it, I wanted to release it.

Not even for a future that involves me never feeling it again, it was simply because in that moment I knew that was what I needed for myself.

There was no hidden agenda or ulterior motive for myself.

I wasn’t trying to trick myself into feeling these emotions in the hope I would release them and never feel them again.

I had to completely, and utterly, in my bones, know and feel that everything i was about to experience was on my side, on my team, and there to help me, and all I had to do was let it show itself to me.

I would cry as much or as little as I’d need, I’d think whatever the fuck came to my mind without ANY judgment whatsoever (this will actually occur automatically when you fully believe my previous paragraph), I would say things out loud thatIi needed to as if experiencing a virtual reality where my body is immersed in the emotions, visualisations and thoughts of my mind (like a dream where our body responds to what we are dreaming. Side note, this occurs because the body does not know the difference between what is from the physical, ‘real’ world, and what is imagined or occurring in our internal world).

I accepted all of it and realised I was none of it.

What does that mean?

I realised I was the kettle and not the water. I was just the vessel holding the water.

I was pure Consciousness that was living in a body that was holding an immense amount of emotion, thought, feeling and expression. I was not the emotions, thoughts, feelings and expressions.

I began to do this with everything, especially all of the things to do with any past experience, situation or relationship.

I specifically explored all the hidden emotions, disappointments, thoughts, and feelings to do with my Mum that I had literally been holding on to for all of my life.

Side note, I will write a separate article specifically about the benefits of feeling things fully.

Once you begin to let go, you realise not only how heavy it was to carry that extra weight, but how much those things really were there just to help you.

To help you realise how you really feel about a situation and therefore how to set standards and/or boundaries, how to speak your truth, how to let go of people or situations that do not serve you in some way, how your thoughts about yourself, people and the world shape your experience (and therefore make you question what beliefs you have and whether they serve you), there’s so much.

So, that’s the first thing.

Maybe we can look at the ‘release’ column as something different to what we have been.

The second ‘make space for list’ may also need some upgrading.

A quick look at the list (even as early as the first item) and I think it’s obvious the table has its limitations.

Simply because, how can you have self-acceptance without recognising that the self you are trying to accept includes ALL of the things in the ‘release’ list?

Exploration and trying your best sometimes is having a fear of failure.

Speaking openly and honestly, isn’t always out of a space of self love.

Sometimes silencing our voice is what we need.

Celebrating what I’ve worked for. Well. This just gives me the irrits.

Why?

Because it inherently suggests that we must WORK in order to receive something.

Whether that work is literal work, as in a job, or work as in giving our time and energy, it doesn’t matter.

You are not worthy, enough, or deserving of ANYTHING in life BECAUSE you work for it.

Your ACTUAL existence in its entirety (physically and spiritually) means you get to experience a vast array of many things - not because you worked for it, but because that’s what being alive in this world is for.

To EXPERIENCE things in the physical world.

Let me just say, I am by no means suggesting that cheering yourself on and celebrating yourself is wrong, bad or anything of that nature.

Everything serves a purpose.

What I am saying, however, is to be mindful that you are not celebrating in a way that solidifies any pre-existing belief that you are only allowed or deserve to experience good things when you work for it.

There are so many limiting consequences for having this belief, it will actually blow your mind when you start to realise.

It literally impacts how you RECEIVE, E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G, and also how you GIVE, E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G.

You will receive what you believe you deserve or are entitled to, and give what you believe someone is deserving or entitled to based on their CONTRIBUTION or WORK.

Think about it.

How many times have you not given to someone because they have not done enough for it?

How many times have you hesitated to receive a gift, and especially a compliment, because you feel it is attached to some degree of contribution or work?

Or, you may even receive those things because you think you deserve it BECAUSE you have worked hard, contributed enough, or donesomething/s.

Like a “fuck yeh I deserve this holiday, I just worked my ass off the last year”.

So, you wouldn’t have ‘deserved’ a holiday if you hadn’t?

‘Deserve’ doesn’t even need to be in the equation because it is conditional.

These are all part of the layers you realise are not an expression of your actual truth; the truth that transcends even a knowing of worthiness and empowerment for it is pure existence.

Do you think, a tree deserves the rain because is endures summer?

Of course not, it does absolutely nothing except exist, whether rain comes or not, whether summer hits or not.

There is no sense of deservability when it comes to existence itself.

Enough about that point.

The ‘release’ column is misunderstood, and the ‘space for’ column is almost entirely obsolete from a fully empowered perspective.

Am I saying these things are wrong, useless and that you should avoid them?

Absolutely not.

You, my friend, are more than capable of recognising what you need and when you need it.

You are forever changing, growing and evolving, and therefore what you need in this moment may not be what you need in the next one.

All of those affirmations (including ‘I am enough’) served me when I needed them, and although I do not use them now, I cannot take away their value at the time I was drawn to them.

I think it’s important for everything we experience to be self-aware about what we are experiencing, and then being wise enough to take action based on what we realise.

The biggest thing you can realise is that the empowerment that you seek to feel, MUST come from you.

And that comes with being, doing, experimenting, reflecting, learning and changing.

Different parts of us go through this differently, but, ultimately, you must learn how to trust your own judgment, how to recognise the difference between the quiet whisper of your intuition, and the safety mechanisms of your ego (because, your Ego, also, is always working in your favour), and realisinging that they are BOTH on your side and serve a purpose.

Your journey should always be about acceptance, this will automatically come with self-love, because self-love is acceptance.

It’s not selective.

It won’t love your kindness, but dislike your judgment.

It won’t love your fulfilment, but ignore your loneliness.

And this is why the content like that in the image above, is extremely misleading and often disempowering.

It suggests that there’s certain parts of you that you should shy away from, avoid or suppress.

And what happens when we do this?

We shut off to the truth of what we’re feeling in that moment - forcing it to stay in our kettle where we can’t replace it with something else.

So, be mindful of these things.

Consider what it’s actually telling you to do (or not to do) and whether that actually is empowering.

Empowerment and self-love isn’t the result of focusing on the positive.

It’s easy to feel happy on a sunny day.

But true happiness comes when we are happy regardless of the weather.

Empowerment and self-love really only develops when we accept ALL of who we are and what we experience, not specific parts.

Find your truth, and ditch the rest.

Caterina

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