A Letter For When You Need To Draw the Line.

If you're reading this, first I want to say I'm sorry. There are so many of us who know the pain of having to cut people off who we loved and care deeply for. But, I also want to say I'm so proud of you.

For choosing to put yourself first and for doing what needs to be done. Not what is easy but probably one of the hardest things that life challenges us with paired with one of the word feelings to feel, loss. Which often means heart break too.

This is for anyone who has every tried to open up and been rejected, invalidated, disrespected, or hurt by those who claimed to love and care about them. For those who could never show you the same love and respect you showed to them. And could never be what you hoped they could be to you. Never what you deserved.

No matter the reason why whether it was because of sexuality, religion, politics, lifestyle, or something else. Whether it's parents, siblings, friends, or significant others even.

I know you hoped it would never come to this. That you would never have to draw the final line. That you wouldn't have to cut them off. But, unfortunately everyone in our lives isn't always mean to stay in our lives forever. Some with grow with you and some won't. And no matter how long people have been in our lives, we should be afraid of losing them if it means allowing us to be healthy and doing what is best for us. Remember that effort is a two way street and you don't deserve to wait for anyone forever.

What you ask for is never wrong. What you hope for is never wrong. Sometimes, the people that we ask those things from are just unable to give us those. At least right now. And that's okay, but you can't sacrifice what you want and who you are because they can't meet you where you are asking.

Your humanity. Your basic rights. Asking to be respected. Accepted. Loved. Those are things everyone deserves. Regardless of whether you agree with their lives, choices, and beliefs. Anyone who denies you of those things and can't enter a connection with you in vulnerability isn't someone who is going to be healthy for you. And I think you know that. That's why you're here. You've had enough. Reach out an olive branch. Tried. Been there. And as much as it might break your heart, you have to walk away now. Because your self-love, self-respect, and self-preservation matter more.

This is a letter for you. To make peace with doing what is best for you. To letting go. To give to help draw the line. For when you need to draw the line.

To say you love them. To say you respect them. To say you tried. To say you wanted a relationship. To take responsibility for your part but to give back the responsibility that they tried to put onto you. To say that you won't keep trying. To say you won't stay any longer. To say you won't tolerate less than what you deserve. To not let them continue to disrespect you by being abusing to your boundaries again. To say you're hurt, not mad. To say you won't let them keep disrespecting you. To draw the line. To say you're done.

"This connection between us is unhealthy. I have vulnerably opened up to you, but instead of welcoming me or showing me respect, you made it unclear I am unwelcome. You reject my ideas, my questions, and my concerns. More than that, you have requested me as a human. This has gone beyond simply disagreeing into a place of hostility. You have attacked me, blamed me, made accusations against me, and refused to give me space to be seen or heard.

For me to remain in this relationship would not be healthy, so I'm out. As I shake the dust off my feet, I am declaring that your accusations and your attempts to shame me will no longer succeed. You have decided I'm not welcome.

You have cause this division between us, and I am not responsible for mending that. It's not my job to fix us, and it's certainly not my job to fix you. In spite of my posture of humility and earnest desire to connect with you, you have chosen to remain fixed in your old ways, refusing to consider that maybe you don't have everything figured out. In your fear of new information or new ideas, you closed the door on me. On us. That is the bed you have made, now I leave you to lie in it."

-Courtesy of Colby Martin from his book "The Shift"

Just know, you'll be okay. You'll be stronger and you'll be better. Maybe not right now but eventually. It's not easy. It's terrible hard but you will survive. You'll find your way and find people who will love you how you deserve to be loved.

I'm proud of you and I hope you're proud of yourself. You're so strong. I hope you know that.

You're fighting for what you deserve and that is never wrong.

You're choosing to be better.

Not because you don't love them but because you love yourself more. Because you know at the end of the day, that's what matters most.

Because sometimes saying goodbye is the most loving thing you could do.

For you and for them.

Photo cred. Luiz Clas x Natalia Odl