A Gamble in Memory

“What would your say is your most cherished memory?”

Is it the one where you lose your life in the end?

That is all that I can think about.

I have been called Tom. I am a compulsive gambler. I have tried again and again to quit the damn hobby of mine. I work at a sales job in Wisconsin. This is one of those days where you wonder where you go from here.

You spend your life wondering as you work in the retail business, where your life is going. You try and try to please every customer that comes in to the shop. They look at all the clothes and take their time to choose what makes them happy. You yourself know. Just pick the damn thing. They have all the time in the world to choose what it is they are looking for; you have all the time in the world to not look.

One of those days, I went to work, and stopped at a local coffee shop. I saw a girl across from the counter, as it is those days. Her hair the color of purple, eyes the color of blue and black; her name is Elsa. I wonder out lout if this girl is someone I know. She seems like the person you know your whole life.

Still, I could not help but feel as if I did not know her as well as I should have. I ordered a small expresso and sipped with a little bravado. She looked at me and walked over. I began to quake in the knees at the prospect at having to talk to this woman whom I did not know. She spoke.

“You seem familiar to me.”

“Do I?”

“Have we seen other at a charity event before?”

“No, I do not believe so…”

“Shame…you seem the type…much like in of those old movies…”

“Yes, as if this is a movie…or a…dream…” She smiled and whispered, “It is…”

I woke up. I had felt as if it had been all too real. I looked at the time. It was 11am. The day was Saturday now. My sales had been going on and on it seemed. It was as if anything could be no different than then. I got up and started to walk around. My breakfast was a simple piece of toast and milk; most of my mornings were as routine as I wanted to make them. Now, this day was no different.

I looked at the table and saw the envelope. I remembered just then.

“I would like to return this.”

“What is wrong with it sir?”

“It is the wrong size. I would like to exchange it.”

“We need a receipt.” He got furious, over that and threw the coat at me. The man then stormed off. I put the coat back on the rack and noticed something in one of the pockets of one of the jackets. I saw an envelope when looking at the coat later and could not believe what I saw in it. There was $20,000 in it.

I could not believe it. It was strange to find this money randomly in one of our coats, but it felt as if it was…mine. I knew what do with it.

I took the envelope with me home; I know I should have reported to my manager or take the money to the police, but this was something I needed. The casino would be open soon and I had to go check it out. I could finally leave this place and live where I always wanted to be.

I grabbed my coat and headed out to the casino. I drove the long winding roads, hoping that they would lead where I wanted to be; the place I was meant to go. All in my head of course. The ringing lights showed high in the distant as I got out of my blue Nissan car. I grabbed the envelope and checked it was in my grey coat.

The casino was ablaze with people from all walks of life. They were there to live their own hopes and dreams. That was what I imagined it to be. I sat down at one of the tables. I looked at the game. Blackjack. This was my game. I grabbed out my little black notebook. I wrote down numbers I thought would be good choices. I saw if anyone was copying me.

A woman sat down next to me. I looked at her; it was the same woman I saw earlier at the counter in my dreams. She looked at me.

“Do I have something in my teeth?”

“Oh, no, sorry…” She gave me a strange look at looked at the dealer,

“Hit me.” The dealer gave her the cards she requested. I looked at my hand and requested the same.

The woman was talking with a nearby friend.

“It is just a shame with all the money in the world people use it for their own greed.”

“True…they could use to help people…instead.”

It started to hit me, but I ignored it.

“Hit me.” He pulled out a 6, well I had a Jack and four on the table. It was in that moment I felt this was all I could do here;

“Stay.” He nodded. He busted, while me and the women won.

“Right?”

“I just feel as if I had all that money, I would do so much more with it…donate it even…”

The idea started to eat away at me…

I played a few more hands and felt that was enough. I got up; I looked for a roulette table. Suddenly though, it felt all too much. I headed outside.

It was hard to describe how I felt; the cold pavement felt good on my legs. The cold wind, suddenly coming from a faraway place. The feeling of something finally coming to you in your mind.

Even with all this money in my pocket, gambling it just seemed like a waste…I knew what I wanted to do with it…I knew it would be better to help other people with it…I was sure of it. Only, I felt I was not the right person…for the job. I got out my black notebook; it was the number that was the best that I quietly wrote down. I closed it, without anyone noticing. I headed back inside and looked at the table and again at the girl. She gave me a rather odd look.

“Do I know you sir?”

“No, sorry, just thought you looked like someone I knew.”

“Hmmm.” She turned back, and continued to gamble.

I looked at the table and then at a man across at a bar. He looked drunk, but down trodden. He looked like he had lost everything. I suddenly realized, what I had to do; I saw the woman’s purse. I tipped it over. She did not notice. I slipped the envelope of money into it.

“Your purse miss…” She looked at the purse, oh, thank you. I smiled, excused myself and left the table…I started to walk outside…not knowing where life would be.

The woman continued to chat with her friend for another hour. She finally had enough. Life was like that. She grabbed my purse, and noticed a small envelope…

“What is this?” She opened it and was astonished at the amount!

The woman thought maybe the man earlier…but was rather dismissive on it.

“…” The woman did not understand… but her friend gave her a good idea…this money…would be given to charity. She did not know which one. The woman got out her black skin notebook and thought about which one to choose…