Motivation logo

A Fresh start- the planting of vines and coffee.

Revelations for the New Year.

By Emma WhitePublished 3 years ago 15 min read
Like
A Fresh start- the planting of vines and coffee.
Photo by Coffee with Joshua on Unsplash

A Fresh start- the planting of vines and coffee.

Coming into this New year, I was convicted by one of my friends that the New Year New Me idea was outdated.

While, sitting under the vines growing up the pillars of our favorite coffee establishment, my friend inquired.

“So, what adjustments do you want to make this year?”

“Well…. I have all these new goals, and I am stepping into my new year….”

She cut me off completely “You are doing that thing every other person does are not you, new me, new year rubbish, that is a shame.”

That threw me, I thought what the hell does that mean, I am a practicing life coach and I thought I knew this. Have I been going about these new year resolutions all wrong?

My friend must have seen the look of terror over my face and responded with.

“Look it is ok, you are only buying into the model that, the western world teaches everyone, that includes life coaching.”

I was feeling interested and super confused by what she had shared. She is much older than me and extremely wise, so I also wanted to unravel her mind; so, I replied, “Oh ok please tell me what you mean I am very, curious.”

She explained “The western world tells us to embrace the new me, but we should just be embracing ourselves, and making adjustments and changes here and there, so we grow in who we are. You know, embrace the same me, think of yourself as a vine. You are just pruning the vine instead of completely replanting constantly. Yes, there are moments replanting the vine is needed. But not always. If you constantly replant the vine, the roots get disturbed. It is hard for the plant to anchor. It makes the plant weak as it is not strengthening the plant, because the plant is just trying to re-root all the time, and only just surviving, not thriving. Not growing strong, it is under stress all the time, and it starts to make the plant fail. Do you understand?”

Her wisdom hit me between the eyes; we do sell this “new me” phenomena, we do not work on improving the current vine, we always want to pull it out and replant it constantly.

After coffee, I went home and decided that I would change up the narrative this year. I did much investigating into this concept. There are incredible amounts of research and articles that support this theory the “new year, new me” idea is somewhat damaging.

Later that week, I listened to Dr. Caroline Leaf, one of my most significant sources of knowledge and humans I look up to, discussing this topic, and she said the same thing. From my new collective knowledge around this topic I was able to see why “The New year, New Me,” concept does not always work, and why.

Every New year people set these unattainable “new me new year” goals. I was, one of those coaches who like many others by no fault of our own, had been taught this and then have taught this to our clients. However, it is not the best practice. Setting all these goals we do in the new year often does not work. Now that is because we set large amounts of goals, and those goals are far too complicated. This is excellent; we get a hit of Dopamine, which makes us feel good and amazing. After a few minutes, because we feel this rush and excitement, Serotonin starts working with Dopamine. We feel that sense of accomplishment has, we decide to commit to the goal. We naturally want this hit, again and suddenly, we have a massive list of new “me” items. I am guilty of making too many Goals, I cut them back a bit, but I am a product of my study. If you are a client, you do these and then come to a coach where we then tell you to cut the list back and pick six or eight goals to work on and break them down.

We set about the goals for the first few weeks. Unfortunately, over time the Dopamine, decreases, and the excitement factor wears off. Then we enter the stage I like to call now “the rise and fall of Dopamine”. This rise and fall of Dopamine, then plays a crucial role in our decisions, and sticking especially involving decisions based around risk and reward. Like new me goals, and in this case, we start to lose interest in these new goals. We begin to begrudge the goals and feel like failures because we do not keep up our enthusiasm for the goals. As a coach, I would then see these people and be used to encourage the set goals. I know now that is why this sales pitch is not entirely correct.

I started thinking about my friend’s wisdom and how I could change this cycle a bit, although it works, it could be refined.

I thought, “what if I can try this new concept of same me, same vine just a bit of pruning the vine not completely replanting it.”

I went home and decided to rewrite my yearly goals. As I learned that more than six goals, is mostly going to make me fail at achieving my goals. I had ten new goals I wanted to achieve this year, I realized I was dangerously close to the unhappy, zone to lose interest in my goals and become overwhelmed. I did not fail in my goals last year, and I achieved what I wanted but I ended up so drained and exhausted.

Setting between four and six goals (or areas) to improve on for the new year is a much more feasible and effective way to go forward. Now, this is contrary to my study and qualifications in “Goal setting”. I was taught that between six and eight goals was acceptable and broken down into bite-sized pieces, which is widely taught is not quite right. Five to six areas that I already have some foundation in, is far kinder, and much more straightforward.

I had to start by asking myself "Emma. Are you over-committing too many goals FOR 2021 and completely retraining your brain, behavioral patterns, and everything in between?"

The answer was yes.

The next question I had to ask myself was “Emma, why are you completely "transforming" yourself?”

The answer was because this is what I had always done, and I had up until recently had not had a difference of opinion, to consider.

The next question I had to consider was. “what five to six little areas can I just build on?” I decided to journal this process of newfound knowledge and answer these questions.

Suddenly just like that…….there I had it the, new model for myself and my clients.

I decided to rewrite the new year goal setting model, starting with this following statement and series of questions .

-Although at it is heart the blanket approach to, to many goals and new year transformations, looks great it can be improved on. This year instead of the blanket approach to completely tweaking and completely changing who you are let us consider just embracing ourselves and consider four to six areas (goals) to work on or improve. This year we are working on you as you are, doing those little repetitive habits that will make you a better version of yourself.

Next, I write down these three questions and answer them.

1. Are you over committing to many goals and completely retraining your brain, behavioral patterns, and everything in between?"

2. Why are you completely "transforming" yourself?

3. What five to six little areas can I just build on?

Let’s journal and plan these Goals out.

My planning page for New Year goals, for clients was condensed from a page to a paragraph and a couple of questions. I included an image of a vine growing at the bottom of the page, as a nod to where I had got my new planning page and inspiration from, and for a conversational topic.

Upon my refined 2021 goals, I am now working on just doing one or two activities under my new six improvement areas. Small things under these areas have headings to practice every week, for 25 weeks.

1. Being deliberate in my self-compassion. Book more time for rest and intentional in treating myself and how I allow others to treat me.

Simply more journal writing. Last year in this area, I completed my journal much less than I would have liked, but I need more time to unravel my brain and learn more about myself. So, I am combining a couple of areas rest, and self-compassion, and rediscovery. There were a few changes I had to make to make myself achieve this goal, better.

I sat down and looked at my diary, and planner and booked time off weekends. Plus, an extra hour after work that had been taken up with watching one of my four favorite television shows. I cut two of those shows out completely. I am having a must have 30-minute break in this space when I rest but not watching television. Replacing the other 30 minutes with journal writing and unraveling the day.

In addition, I will be adding to my journal by exploring the following topics.

(one topic a day to explore and work through this as a weekly rotation, areas that need some more refinement)

Working on not taking things too personally. Thinking that I have a right to be offended does not serve me, so I will be more purposeful in my relationships and let the little things go. Perfectionism, acknowledging the standards that I set for myself that I thought I failed through the day and then making a choice to view myself through the lens of self-compassion. Telling myself "I forgive you; Emma just keep on going, you are ok." Working on more Self-compassion, to not be to be disheartened about perfectionism.

Owing the concept of not be breaking all glass ceilings in a year. Working on Toxic relationships (a family member and a work colleague.) Unhealthy habits like the fear of failing, working through exercises daily around less self-doubt. Writing about four things I achieved in my day and my coaching regardless of how small they were, that were good. Saying no more and planning what I can delegate more.

These things are simple however, they are a few small things that I can always do better with. By exploring these areas more consistently will grow me more and make me a better coach. Because I am doing more of what I tell my clients to do.

Next goal is one that has a few components.

2. walk more, exercise for 20 minutes a day, and eat consistently better.

This is quite simple; I am extending on my progress last year to exercising twenty minutes a day. I am walking to and from work at least two times a week. At the start of the day, I got rid of an hour watching a television program dedicated to more exercise or movement and taking up intermediate fasting every second day. In the space of breakfast where it is being fasted, on every second day, I do meal prep, so I have only healthy food choices at my fingertips.

Goal number three is;

3. smile more, be more grateful,

Although I am not an ungrateful person, I want to grow this area more. My work' nature can often lead to me learning distressing facts about people. I want to actively seek more that shakes, off the dust of life off, that gathers on the soul. I just want to radiate gratefulness and smile, more and more.

4. Painting, Writing, being outside and riding more.

As I am an artist, last year my art, took a significant dive, so now I have scheduled more time to do mixed media art, twenty minutes a week.

Writing which is one of my other passions was very dormant last year. Therefore, I have decided to join Vocal this year, to push myself to write more. I have committed to giving up on surveys for money and concentrating this time on my next book, blog, and creative writing. Using Vocal as the creative source and aiming to do at least four challenges, on Vocal this year, if not more.

Now for being outside more, that crosses over to walking more and my general on farm life outside of coaching. But riding more was to spend more time with my beautiful horse, Mr Darcy, a ten-year-old gelding. Sadly, two days after setting my goals and dedicating weekend time-slots and leave to more horse riding, my Darcy was bitten by a snake and died. I will keep these time spots there as I will work with my Dad and handle the foals more, ride some of his horses, and help him train them.

Now, number five is one I am both excited about and scared about because it is challenging, but it will be great.

5. Saving an extra minimum $150 a month,

I am excited about this as I am looking to save more to invest more. The money saved and invested here is to go towards my house deposit, and hopefully upgrading my car. I decided that I had to think about what I could change to make this attainable. I had to give up something, and I decided to cancel Stan, Disney Plus and all other subscriptions from online newspapers to unused training forums, that I did not need. Sure, watching and streaming, is nice but it was not important in my life. To some people, watching television and streaming means a lot to them, and that is ok. But this was an area I did not really care about, and it was not serving me. I could use it in a way to better my goal of saving and feeding my soul.

I have cut my budget in half for dining and, now I am inviting my friends to dine with me at my house or on picnics. I decided that this year I am not going to many formal dances and other social events. You know those beautiful socialite, fun occasions with friends dressed up in your finery. Instead of these weekends I am focusing on more less expensive meaningful weekends with my friends, like camping in my backyard, exploring walking trails and painting days. These changes were hard as I enjoy them, but I am committed to my financial goal and a simpler life, which is far more satisfying, long-term.

The funny thing is my financial cuts were significant to my goal. Still, they also ended up being, marked to save money and what I wanted to achieve on a more profound level. We must be prepared to remove and sacrifice things to achieve better outcomes.

Now lucky last….

6. Learn, and read more.

Learning increases capacity and expands our horizons. Learning does not come from just a textbook which is something that I already knew. Still, it is about being intentional to pursue all learning in every form, like meeting new people and seeking new experiences. It is about continually growing and learning. Just that one conversation with my dear friend about New Year's resolutions pushed me to a different trajectory. If the lessons I have learnt from this coffee date, are the only lessons I learn this year, they have been so profound that I am ok not knowing anything else. However, I am committed to completing some extra learning activities, as well. This coffee date alone gave me a revelation that I can now use in my life and as a resource for my clients. A commitment to being a perpetual learner is a commitment that continually builds and grows the vine process. My morning routine where I would usually spend time watching the news or some morning program, has now been replaced with reading or finding an area to learn about that has popped up during the week. I am reading for half an hour before bed, right after I finish my journal, and I am enjoying it so much. It is serving me well and inspires me to write my blog, without feeling like writing content is a chore. I am more inspired and am painting a much more profound and meaningful life when I am seeking. Consequently, all this is leading my blog in a fresh new direction.

After all my planning and committing to my New Year, same me mindset; I am filled with this breath of fresh air, excited and enjoying my new start. I am excited about things that lie ahead, and that is because I have just taken my simply living to a heighten new sense. I have been achieving my 2021 goals for almost three weeks now and loving, every minute of it. Because I have made the process more simple. I have no doubt that I will keep enjoying and achieving my 2021 goals.

I find it ironic that our coffee date took place sitting under vines. Rooted deep in the soil that climbs up a two-story building onto the veranda, that at the time was sheltering us. When I think about those vines, they each year have grown more robust and more beautiful, and the more they have developed, the more they have flowered. The first year after the building was built the vines were planted to grow up those pillars. They were so little maybe a meter tall and had to have support structures to help them, and they had no flowers. But through constant pruning and water, they grew strong, (and not being dug up all the time and replanted.) and after the second year no support structures were needed, and by the third year, the vine started to flower. I feel like this is cementing the foundations for setting goals for the new year but also in general. I cannot wait to see what flowers bloom in my life because of my new unique view of planing for the year.

Written by Emma White

goals
Like

About the Creator

Emma White

I am authentically living in a messy world, writing, creating, and painting my way through it all.

Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights

Comments

There are no comments for this story

Be the first to respond and start the conversation.

Sign in to comment

    Find us on social media

    Miscellaneous links

    • Explore
    • Contact
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms of Use
    • Support

    © 2024 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.