7 Steps to Release Your Emotions

Having emotions is a natural part of life and something we should be grateful for. Having emotional baggage is another thing. We've all experienced pain and trauma in the past, and when that pain and trauma follow us around, we run up an emotional debt that we can't pay back. This is our emotional baggage, the heavy burden of our past experiences.

Letting go of emotional baggage is important, because worrying about the past prevents you from engaging in the present. Almost every binge eater I've ever met has lived in the midst of an old self that no longer exists -- a depressed child, an unpopular teenager, a shy young person.

To expel these old selves, you must first deal with the emotional debt that has been hovering over you. After years of working with patients, I've found that I can do this without experiencing the pain I feel when I'm close to my own worst internal pain. There is no need to force your way through the minefield, or walk through the pain trying to lift your spirits. This process can unfold naturally, and as it does, you will experience a surge of relief and happiness.

The entire exercise is based on "emotional release" and consists of seven steps. Don't worry, each step can follow your timing until the current step works for you and you are satisfied, then move on to the next step. (For most people, it helps to have someone else practice with you. They're there to reassure you that you're not alone.)

Step 1: Recall an emotion

Close your eyes and recall an emotional experience that caused the uncomfortable feeling. You see the situation clearly and vividly in your mind. It may be an embarrassing experience, or rejection by someone. The feelings may revolve around loss or failure. Don't generalize, be specific. You are thinking about an emotional trigger, and if it makes you too uncomfortable, open your eyes and take a few deep breaths. When you feel less uncomfortable, close your eyes and continue.

Step 2: Feel the emotion in your body

Notice where the emotional memory resides in your body. Most people experience physical tightness, stiffness, discomfort, and even pain in the stomach or near the heart when they mention disturbing emotions. A few people have a sore throat or a headache. Find out where your feelings are coming from.

If you don't feel anything at first, relax and take a deep breath, easily attuning to your body. Occasionally, some people experience paralysis, a sign of deep emotions combined with fear. While doing this exercise, everyone ends up feeling something physically.(As I always say, emotions are thoughts connected to feelings.)

Step 3: Label your emotions

Now, give your emotion a name. Is it fear, anger, sadness or resentment? Most people are surprised to learn that they never really labeled their emotions in the past, more than to say "I feel terrible" or "I'm not having a good day." Being more specific allows you to focus on the emotional baggage you want to unload, so take the time to tell yourself exactly how you feel.

To help you mark, here are some of the most common negative emotions people experience: anger, hostility, rage, sadness, sadness, remorse, envy, jealousy, anxiety, fear, worry, insecurity, resentment, shame, rejection, and shame.

Step 4: Express your experience

Get some paper and pens and write down your past experiences and what has happened to you. Write down in detail how you felt, what the other person did, and how you reacted afterwards.

When you are satisfied with the context of the situation, take out a second piece of paper and describe it again from the other person's point of view. Pretend you are the person and write down how he felt, why he acted the way he did, and how he reacted afterwards. This section is more difficult than writing your own opinion, but stick with it and it will take you a big step towards letting go of past baggage.

When you are satisfied with what you have written, take out the third sheet and describe the same event as a news reporter would have reported it, that is, from the third person's point of view. What would an objective observer tell the reader about this event? Do your best to detail the incident objectively and fairly.

This step takes longer than the previous ones, but people enjoy it immensely. They find that instead of being trapped in their own ideas, they are suddenly able to call up other voices in their head, new eyes, a greater sense of relief, and all of that is free.

Step 5: Share your experience

Now, read the three reports you have written to everyone and share your experience with them. In a group setting -- which is where I usually lead this exercise -- people are eager to share, and the room is so high, there's so much excitement, so much laughter, and the desire to release yourself from the past is exhilarating. So if you do this exercise at home, finding a partner or forming a group can really enhance this step.

Of course, it works well to do it alone, as long as you have good friends or family members who can talk to you on the phone. Read your three versions to them to make sure they understand. However, please do not call the person who is causing you this emotional pain. They will be not understanding and probably uncooperative. There's a 90 percent chance that they won't agree with what you're describing. They may deny that it happened at all. So surround yourself with people who are compassionate and have your best interests at heart.

Step 6: Create rituals

Now is the time to officially let go of painful experiences. Take the story you wrote down and really let it go. You can do this through rituals, like burning the past on fire, or you can commit to a higher power that you recognize: the universe, God or the gods, your higher self. You should feel free to design your own ritual, setting the paper on fire and letting the ashes go in the wind or into the sea, some people flush them down the toilet, or tear the paper to pieces and bury them in your backyard.

Rituals are important because they draw a clear line between your past and who you are now. If you have fully expressed your old feelings, letting go will be satisfying. But don't let yourself be wrongly judged. Letting go takes time and often takes several times because some feelings are so deep. But they will go, so be patient and persevere and release what you can today. If you find yourself needing to release the same pain later on, it's normal and natural.

Step 7: Celebrate

Once you release the old story, you can celebrate your own moment of freedom. You can do it alone or with others, as long as you appreciate the steps you're taking. I've found that people often skip this step if they're not reminded. They don't want to make a big deal out of their emotions, but they are. Emotions can bind you and keep you trapped, but they can also set you free and change your future.

When you let go of an old emotion, it's like letting go of a familiar path that has come to an end. You need to map out a new path, in this case a new path in your head. An experiment may not lead you straight down a new path, but it's a start. A great journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step you take.