7 Brutal Truths About Proving Your Worth To The World

We know the pleasure of proving people wrong.

The satisfaction we get imagining our naysayers face when they see how happy we are today compared to their “miserable” lives . The change in attitude of your relatives when you land that awesome job. The revenge body workouts all over social media.

The idea that good looks or transformations make our exes lose sleep for rejecting us is the biggest lie there is. It’s takes more than that. It takes their self-awareness and that’s not even our problem.

But what happens when all the party is over?

What next after getting or not getting all the reactions from this audience we were fighting against?

Are we going to search for next person to prove that we exist?

Why?

Just one look at our life, there is a stadium full of people we wish could see how well we are doing now opposed to what they predicted for us. Maybe your current goal is to prove that you are happy being single to your friends advising you to settle down. Your Instagram and watsapp status are dumps of #singleliferocks. Maybe you want to buy the next best car than your brother-in-law has.

Once the momentary sense of relief we feel reduces, we are left with a sense of emptiness. This could be a good indication if your goals and what you are as a person align — If you feel empty and lost, it was not a worthy cause for your soul and you knew it.

While goals are harmless it’s the why that determines it’s effect on us.

“There’s no one to perform for. There is just work to be done and lessons to be learned, in all that is around us.”

― Ryan Holiday, Ego is the Enemy: The Fight to Master Our Greatest Opponent

Here are few proofs that working for yourself is the ultimate road to happiness and having a set of people to prove at the back of your mind is not going to help.

#1 Nobody is thinking about you, even 0.001 % of what you imagine

That teacher who told you will end up a loser?

Maybe he is worried now about his grandchildren not talking to him and would honestly never remember he said anything to you. Let’a be honest here, you weren’t that special to him among his thousands of students he taught. Your team leader who scoffed you idea of a solo trip to Switzerland. She might be actually happy you were able to go.

Thinking that people are plotting your downfall and expecting you to fail is not only harmful to your mental health but most people are worried about their own lives. And what you are thinking of them maybe.

No one cares as much as wish they could.

#2 You are not special

“You are not special. You’re not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You’re the same decaying organic matter as everything else. We’re all part of the same compost heap. We’re all singing, all dancing crap of the world.” — Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club

We are not special. Except for our close circle, our death is but statistics, our life is but an accumulation of data.

As long as we are consumers, our preferences, purchases hold value for the market and they seem to care about us. And people will continue living their life once we are gone (we do that). Forgetting the pain with time is a gift. No one escapes this.

This is the brutal truth.

#3 Becoming a legend is not for you to decide

Aiming to make a lasting impact on this earth, do live beyond and remembered after death is a futile goal anyday.

None of the legends who became one started out wanting to become immortal. They did their work and were dedicated to it for decades and faced some soul crushing failures. Repeatedly.

There are also millions of invisible people who have made lasting changes and will never be acknowledged for. There are another million who almost reached their destination and had to return. These are factors behind your control. Life is unfair and there is a certain amount of luck.

Just do your work.

#4 Your Dreams were decided by Someone Else

Dreams are tricky.

We have been thought most of them by people have no idea what they are doing. We call it that is how the society works. The secret?

We are an approval obsessed species and we follow the path of least efforts towards universal love.

As a 30 year old living in India, I was taught do learn well, get a career and settle down by 30 with a kid. It took me 29 years to realize how absurd it was and that I wanted a completely different life. Being 100% approved by the world if you follow the crowd is an illusion.

It helps to take a check-in and ask the “why” of your goals.

#5 You are using people to feel good about yourself

Many people get into a relationship as a way to compensate for something they lack or hate within themselves. This is a one-way ticket to a toxic relationship because it makes your love conditional — you will love your partner as long as they help you feel better about yourself. -Mark Manson

Mark Manson, calls for a life of unconditional giving or relationships. Your love and actions towards a person is itself the end.

Proving to people you are knowledgeable with an intent to make them do a favour for you. Buying things you don’t even need to show your desirability and worth.Being extra caring to your dates hoping that they would fall for you and settle with you. All these are manipulation.

And people can easily see through it.

Reducing “so that someone would” from our actions would save us a lot of stress and gain us real people.

#6 You are giving away your freedom

Setting boundaries is freedom. Living your truth is the ultimate path to making peace with yourself.

Associating your external approval with your sense of self worth is walking into a golden cage and handing the key to your detractors. Every reaction and words from them becomes points in your self worth rate card.

The sad truth? People don’t even mean what they say. You breach your circle of freedom only to be confined in a false space of acceptance.

Only you can walk out of this illusion and it needs some serious self work.

#7 You still have not forgiven your past

It’s crucial to have a comfortable relationship with your past. Some scars run deep and hour memories become painful with repeated recounting of the incidents.

Unknown to you, all decisions you take today will be based on “this person won’t hurt me the way I was hurt before” or “this job won’t make me feel less of a person like I felt 3 jobs before “ because you have not forgiven any of them. The lesson is there but so is the pain.

Be brutally honesty to embrace the person you are, work on letting go of your past burdens and make the best of what you have today.

Final Thoughts

If there is one thing you deserve — it’s to own your power. It’s precious. And also realizing that it’s never all about you.

Here is a summary for you — let go of being obsessed with what people think(no one does), realise you are just as special as the next person, keep your focus to improving your craft, validate your why, realize that we can never win over people, guard your freedom and do the inner work needed to let go of your last.

Life is beautiful.

Thank you for reading!

Article previously published in the Medium.