10 things I've learned in 24 years

This week was my 24th birthday, so I decided to share some of my life lessons to commemorate it and maybe help a few of you! I'm in a constant personal development journey, but these are a few of the things I've learned along the way.

1. All relationships are mirrors. This is the most important lesson I could ever impart. Your relationship to money, people, materials, the universe etc will show your direct relationship to yourself. For so long I thought that I attracted toxic relationships, low paying (or no paying) jobs, and flaky friends; however, what I was attracting was my addiction to low self-worth. It felt comfortable to be treated poorly, undervalued, and taken for granted. Why? Because that’s what I thought I deserved. It had nothing to do with who I was as a person, and everything to do with how much I thought I was worth. The money, relationship, or item will not appear if you don’t believe you inherently deserve it. By wanting these things and not accepting your worth outside of them you are pushing them away. Read that again. This will be one of the hardest mindsets to adopt, but it will change your life.

2. You can heal. There will be times when you will be devastated, times when it feels like nothing will ever be good again, and moments when you think this is all there is. Your job in this life is to be happy, therefore it is your duty to heal. Even if it’s not fair or not your fault (because it usually isn’t), here’s the thing: you perpetuating your wounds doesn’t affect your situation or abuser, it only hurts you. So, you can be angry, upset, and resentful for a time, but the day will come when you realize your hand is the only one holding on to the hurt. Then you have a choice: stay in a victim mentality or believe that harnessing your pain is part of your purpose. It may feel hard, it may hurt like hell, but you can do it.

3. You are allowed to be successful. Think of your biggest dream, even if it seems wildly unrealistic. Do you have it? You are allowed to do that thing. If you want to be a business owner, be in a loving relationship, settle down and have a family, or pursue anything that sets your heart on fire, here is your permission slip. We are constantly told that we have to ‘pay our dues,’ ‘work hard to receive the reward,’ or ‘measure our success by production.’ These are lies! This doesn’t mean that we won’t have to put in the effort, pivot our actions, or do things that are unfamiliar. However, we have to remember that we don’t have to earn the right to be successful; our dreams are ours because we are meant to pursue them. We don’t have to prove that we are worthy, or wait until we are ‘ready.’ Success is coming for you and you’re allowed to receive it without adhering to society’s expectations of what that is or what it looks like.

4. Forgive yourself. For a season in my life, I limited my potential by seeing my abilities through the lenses of my mistakes. I thought that I had stunted myself and I constantly held on to this awful feeling of regret and resentment - I was a making myself a victim. It wasn’t until someone said to me “you have to forgive yourself, this was such a small moment in your life, one mistake, and you’re going to learn from it and do better,” that I realized that I was holding myself to an impossible standard (and trying to fix the past, which is also impossible). We are human, we will fuck shit up, and that’s okay! Forgive yourself for doing the best you could in that situation, vow to do better next time, and release it. You wouldn’t be where you are right now without that past version of yourself being where they were at the time. It’s all an important part of your journey.

5. You will outgrow. Just like you go through jeans and shoes, you will outgrow places, people, things, and mindsets! As we learn and experience more, the things that resonate with us will change. Once this begins to happen, it’s up to you to decide what things still work and which ones don’t. Constantly be reassessing the placement of everything in your life. It may seem chaotic or confusing to the people around you, but remember these sweet words from Cynthia Occelli - “for a seed to achieve its greatest expression, it must come completely undone. The shell cracks, its insides come out and everything changes. To someone who doesn’t understand growth, it would look like complete destruction.” You will burn things down and start again. You will change your mind endlessly. And you don’t need to justify or explain yourself - this is all part of your process.

6. It’s your job to care, not carry. This one is for all of my people-pleasers, mitigators, and peace-keepers. We are desperately trying to ‘fix people’ when the reality is that we can’t. We cannot do more or try harder or be better in order to make up for other people’s lack of happiness. Believe me when I say that I have been there. There is no one you can change other than yourself. Put it upon yourself to inspire, encourage, and empower others, but stop trying to get them to do or be things that are unattainable for them at that moment. Maybe you can see the potential, but it’s up to them to realize it. If you try and do this job for them, you will stay trapped in a cycle of never feeling good enough and wondering why your efforts are not enough for them. Look up what an empath or HSP is and do some research on how to protect your energy.

7. The universe is always working in your favor. Yep! It’s true! Every experience you go through is one that has been specifically designed for you. Gold is refined in fire, diamonds form under pressure, and seeds grow in the darkness. These things that feel like endings are really beginnings, and the universe is always trying to bend things for your benefit. It is our ego that tries to convince us otherwise. My greatest blessings have come from my greatest struggles - like serious rock bottoms - and it was within these moments that I started becoming who I am truly meant to be. So, when you get another rejection letter or the person you like doesn’t reciprocate, remember that they were never meant for you anyways! I have a tattoo of an Arabic proverb that says “what is meant for you will reach you even if it is beneath two mountains” and the second part says, “and what is not meant for you won’t reach you even if it is between your two lips.” What is happening (or not happening) to you is always for you.

8. Stop feeling guilty for taking up space. Stop feeling guilty for having needs. Stop feeling guilting for setting boundaries. Stop feeling guilty for expressing your desires. Do you get where I’m going with this? We have been taught to play small, thinking that if we want to be bigger, louder, or more amazing that we will belittle and offend people. Here’s the truth: if you aren’t being exactly who you are supposed to, then you’re doing a severe disservice to everyone around you. We think that by shrinking ourselves down we have given more room for other people to rise. In reality, we are teaching the people around us that we only have capacity for a certain size. Instead, show the people around you that they are also allowed to stand in their light and be insatiable in the quest of becoming themselves. Rising tides lift all ships - living your dream life only encourages others to live theirs - there’s room for all of us.

9. Buy things just because they make you happy. Now, I’m not advocating for irresponsible spending or a lack of financial strategy, however, we only get to live this life once. Everything you spend money on should give you absolute joy. Even if it seems frivolous or unnecessary - your happiness is worth it. The key here is to make purchases from a heart-centered place. Ask yourself, am I buying this because it will make me feel good temporarily? Validate me in some way? Or am I buying this because I will truly cherish it? This goes for items, food, and experiences. Fill your life and time with the things that are uniquely qualified to excite you. You get to decide where your money goes, and ultimately it should go towards things that make you feel good.


10. The best is yet to come. This one I truly, truly believe. You will learn more, grow more, laugh more, and love more. You will continue to do better and become more you. You just have to take the first step.