Men's Guide to Coping with Grief Part Two

This is Part Two of my unintentional series Men's Guide to Coping with Grief.

Here's a link to the first part of Men's Guide to Coping with Grief

Let me tell you guys this is not a text book guide on grief. We've all been there and read that.

What I'm sharing here does not come from research or a medical website. I am sharing my heart. My real life experiences.

Pull Yourself Up!

Who says a guy can't be "in the dumps"? Let's face it, we guys can get as depressed as anybody else.

What do you do about it when you feel so blue that you want to hide and stay in bed all day, maybe even all week?

You've gotta pull yourself out of it somehow.

You have to intentionally get yourself up and out of the blues.

I've tried a few methods of pulling myself up out of that dark space. The following are a few I've tried and their results.

Comfort Food

I tried the route of comfort food. For the longest time my diet had been pristine - veggies, lean meats, whole grains, berries, spirulina, and tons of water.

After my brother passed away, I quit my job in order to care for my mom. I spiraled downward straight for rock bottom.

I needed comfort. I had to do something I enjoy. That thing I chose to do was EAT. I gave myself permission to have one cheat day per week. It was Wednesday. I looked forward to Wednesday. Dreaming of ice cream, chocolate, extra big salad, cheeseburger, pizza, whatever I wanted. It was great. But when Thursday rolled around I was back on my 2,000 calorie a day diet.

This worked out fine for a while and Comfort Food Wednesday was a bright spot in my week. Not only was the act of eating pleasant but the cooking/food prep was delightful. Then I allowed a second cheat day on Saturday. That was still okay. But then I added Monday, then Tuesday and before I knew it my old diet was completely replaced with overeating whatever I wanted. Finally eight months later I woke up. I went from 175 pounds in February 2021 to 203 pounds in November 2021. Almost 30 pounds gained. I was always full and uncomfortable. I felt unattractive. My comfort food became drudgery.

I got the eating back in control and in a few months I was down to 185 pounds (at 5 foot 10 inches). But, since my grief is ongoing I have troubles controlling my eating. Right now I'm at 190 pounds and I am at an upward projection with the eating, meaning I will gain more weight if I don't turn this around.

The thing that helps me the most is an app called MyFitnessPal. It takes a bit of work as the app figures out the maximum calories you can take in and still lose weight. You have to input all the food you eat each day and the calories are totaled for you. This app helps you to be accountable for your food intake.

I need to start using MyFitnessPal again, right away.

Comfort food is great if you can keep it to just one day a week.

What are your favorite comfort foods?

Phone a Friend

Calling a friend (talking with anyone) is a great way to get out of that funk. Sometimes though it can push you further into the dumps when you've called five friends and all you get is their voicemail. But don't let that prevent you from trying because talking with another person is the best therapy you can get.

Watch a Movie

Watching a movie is great therapy as it has the potential to redirect your mind for about two hours. One of my favorites is the cult classic Tuff Turf. This is the first film in which James Spader had the lead role. This was also one of Robert Downey, Jr's first starring roles. The film was released in 1985 and it's sheer fun. I like seeing those 1980s clothes and hairstyles. The biggest attraction is the great music. Other favorites are Empire Records, Pretty in Pink, Johnny Suede, Being John Malkovich, The Talented Mr. Ripley, The Martian, Re-Animator, and the list goes on.

What are some of your favorite films?

Exercise

I am ending this with exercise. Other than talking with a friend, exercise is probably the very best therapy you can get. It feels good to move your body and stretch out all the kinks. The breathing you do while exercising helps to send those good feeling endorphins to your brain.

I do is three 5 minute workouts throughout the day. Lately though I haven't been successful at completing all three. But, I'm still getting at least one five minute segment in. I do walking in place, jogging in place, jumping jacks, a variety of low impact cardio, and so forth.

Of course I get the music going for these workouts. Lately I've been hooked on Antonio Carlos Jobim's album Wave. The bossa Nova rhythm is both relaxing and energizing. The track Captain Bacardi coming in at 4 ½ minutes is almost perfect for the five minute workout.

That's it friends… I truly hope that if you're in a funk, you can find even the smallest amount of gumption to pull yourself out of it.

With Love, RHC