My first love

I was 20 and still in Illinois . Drowning through melancholy days and wanting a deep relationship. Everyday I prayed to have someone who would save me . I pictured a knight on horse, and we would walk through a field of flowers singing once upon a dream. When I was a kid, I always wished I’d be like Harry Potter, and someone would take me to hogwarts. I have always had a hard time fufilled. My more spiritual nature has always made me know there was more to life . I always knew there was something more for me to be doing. And so I would wait . My first crush was actually jet li growing up. So when i went to a Christmas party with my cousin I met my first husband . He looked just like jet li. He was a big shouldered male. And from the moment I saw him he was beautiful. I felt a feeling of calm and that’s what I always wanted . A feeling of calm a emotionally stable household . And after six months of talking we got married and did everything together . It was like they were my best friend . We took pictures , we put on funny masks, and were super happy . I had just went through a breakup before the party so I was still mourning that . But I was excited. We moved to california after a while and went to Disney and he said we could have a kid . It was because I was gazing at some children in front of me . Kids are so precious I really just think they are so sweet . Then after California we went back to Illinois and ended up living closer to Chicago . And after that we went to massage school . My next love is my son and I met him in august of 2021. I was having a csection. So when he came out and was crying I was so excited . I said what does he look like . And the doctor said your husband. That was one of the best moments of my life I love him so much from birth . It was really hard to go through post partum but I learned . I read books on parenting . I knew I wanted to pick the best options for what my parents lacked I wanted to do the opposite . And people say there is no manual for parenting it’s not true . There are so many books and I picked positive parenting . It worked really well . Then our marriage was going awful . It got worse and worse and worse . He always said I’d learn from what I did . That made me wonder why then do you keep getting worse. Why not learn from it . I have more experiences but this is the longest relationship I have . And this is a article based on love which is a commitment . Sure love is a feeling too love feels like a magnet. Love feels like your on the moon floating and orbiting around the stars . I had my best kiss with my ex husband after we were already over and moved on. We were twirling together it reminded me of being in orbit a mixing of blue and green energy. And we were floating . It felt in sync it felt happy and I was perplexed at why I didn’t get that our whole marriage . I really did care and I miss them still today . But openness and letting guards down were huge issues with him. So it always made me feel like I wasn’t for him . Love is so complicated . Love is feeling vibes through the phone . Love is being at a distance and still feeling eachothers heart calling.