I am happy coronavirus cancelled my wedding.

May 1, 2020 was supposed to be our wedding date. Obviously, the world had other plans. I would be lying if I said was upset.

I was *that girl*. You know that girl who gets engaged and immediately needed to know when and where we were getting married. I got my dream dress less than a month after we got engaged (I still love it though – and I will where it somewhere for something). I also thought that I would absolutely love planning my wedding and I thought that I knew exactly what I wanted. Turns out, I was wrong, wrong, and more wrong.

I’m skipping some steps here to get to the crux of it – as soon as you even think about getting married at a venue, it is like there are endless costs that just keep coming and coming. What’s worse? There doesn’t seem to be an inexpensive way to execute your plans. It feels so silly to be spending money on some things. $8,000 on a quote for flowers. $10,000 on alcohol – and no, you’re not allowed to bring your own and hire local bartenders to work for you. Are we kidding? I was actually so fed up about the concept of spending $8,000 on flowers that I picked an arrangement for my wedding, called the same vendor and asked for the same arrangement, and it was a fraction of the price. I’ll save this experiment for another post though.

Regardless - it got to the point where I didn't want to talk about vendors because I didn't want to spend the money. I felt like I was wasting my time and money. And I should have been extremely excited about the whole process, right?

As the possibility that coronavirus could stop our wedding became increasingly more likely, I found myself feeling something that I was surprised at...relief. And no, this has nothing to do with my fiancé - I absolutely adore him and I can't wait to marry him! But, I was dreading picking out the final flowers, doing the seating arrangements, and sending in all those final checks.

I know how incredibly lucky I am to have a family, a fiancé, and my own income that allows me to even have the luxury of contemplating $8,000 flowers. I hope that this doesn't come across as complaining, but rather an epiphany I had pre-wedding that I have heard many bride-friends of mine say after their wedding, "jeez, that was a lot of time, money, and effort for 8 hours." While I was in the thick of planning, I felt like I wasn't allowed to say those things at the risk of sounding ungrateful.

Once it became clear that we could not go through with our wedding for health and safety reasons, I was happy. I was happy that I will have the chance to choose where to spend my money more wisely, if at all. I was happy that I will have the ability to cut the guest list in half, if at all. I am finding myself so incredibly excited that my fiancé and I may just go to a courthouse on May 1, 2020 and get married with the clerk as a witness. I haven’t a clue what I’m going to wear and I don’t even care.

I have a few questions here people – am I the only one?! Where are my covid-brides and covid-grooms? Where are your heads at?

Coronavirus will eventually end. I am in the unique position of being able to plan not one but two weddings to the same person in less than a year. But, this leaves my next question and perhaps my most important question – is the way we plan weddings broken?