You are Enough

To whoever it may concern,

I am writing this because I have known some people who struggle with mental health and want this message to reach the right people, whoever it is meant to reach. I am writing this because I am constantly thinking of you and I hope that the right person is reading this right now. This is especially for you.

I do not know who needs to read this, but I am putting this out there for the world. As someone who struggles with mental health issues such as depression and anxiety, I know what it feels like to feel broken, worthless, and hopeless. I may not understand the pain you are personally going through, but I know that it really hurts right now. It will get better and you are not going through this alone.

Some people struggle with self harm and suicidal ideation or eating disorders. Some of us just go through the sickness in our heads without any of the other symptoms, but still have to deal with a lot of the pain, fear, and suffering.

Many people who already struggle with depression to begin with have felt even more depressed during this quarantine, due to the isolation. But some were already self- isolating way before this time. I want to let you know that I know it is really hard and especially during these trying times. You may feel like giving up, but it is not worth it. If you disappeared, those who love and care about you will miss you so much.

You may feel like no one understands you, no one will listen to you, and that no one cares about you. You also may feel like you have read and heard the same cliche things over and over again. But the truth is, you are enough.

You are wonderful, amazing, smart, beautiful, handsome, intelligent, and loved by many. Do not give up; it gets better. But often times, it gets worse before it gets better. Do not lose hope; keep fighting every single day.

Sometimes when I am at my lowest, I like to draw a semicolon on my wrist or on a sheet of paper to remind myself that my life should not be ended with a period; a semicolon is not an ending, but a pause, a breath. A semicolon in a sentence means that the thought or passage is not over; it simply means that it continues after a short time, meaning that pain is temporary. The period always comes at the end of the sentence, meaning that you should hang on until the end.

Take the time you need to recharge, reset, and rethink your life. But do not stay there too long. You have to keep going and keep fighting this battle.

The reason why some people have depression, anxiety, ADD, ADHD, and so on is not because they are lazy, sinning, or anything else. Their brains do not produce the right chemicals, meaning there is a chemical imbalance in their brain.

For those with depression and anxiety, for example, the brain does not create enough serotonin, a chemical which is responsible for happiness and feeling relaxed. Some people naturally produce these "feel good" chemicals. This is not just something I read on a blog or on Facebook; doctors, psychologists, therapists, and other professionals will tell you the same exact thing.

The thing I cannot stand the most is when some people of a certain faith or religion will tell the victim of depression, anxiety, etc. that they just need to "Take it to the Lord in prayer", "Talk to Jesus", or tell them, "You are fighting a spiritual battle and you need to come to Jesus." These people do not understand that having a mental illness is not a choice.

Another thing I cannot stand is how someone without these mental illnesses will say things like, "Just because you're a little sad doesn't mean you're depressed." Or, they will say something along the lines of this: "You cannot feel stressed out; you're too young! You don't know what it's like to be an adult and have children to take care of." The people who say these things do not have any idea what is going on in their heads.

If you are struggling with depression, anxiety, an eating disorder, ADD, ADHD, or suicidal thoughts, or are struggling in any way, I just want you to remember that you do not have to suffer in silence. There are groups you can join on Discord or Facebook to talk to others about your problems, if you cannot afford a therapist.

I also understand that not everyone can afford a diagnosis or a therapist and are self diagnosed and are not faking their depression or anxiety. The school may think that mental illness is made up and not allow the student to speak to the school counselor if they are not going though seeing their parents going through a divorce or some other crisis, as they believe that one has to be going through something traumatic to need a counselor or a therapist. I also see that some parents do not believe in mental illness, regarding those who take medications or talk to a therapist as being weak. As a result, many children and youth cannot get a diagnosis, medications, or treatment. This is because their parents or teachers do not believe in mental issues.

Also, many adults living on their own do not have health insurance and cannot afford a diagnosis. As a result, they cannot get medications or a therapist to talk to. These are individuals of minority groups, such as black, Hispanic, LGBTQ, and disabled who are living on their own or with support. The healthcare system in America still discriminates against said groups. This means that some people cannot get a professional diagnosis or medicine, let alone speak to a therapist. Therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists, counselors, and doctors are notoriously expensive! So self- diagnosis and self- medication are valid. Unfortunately, some people do not understand that and shame those who do.

If you are self- diagnosed and self- medicated, I feel for you. I was self- diagnosed with depression and anxiety for years until my parents finally took me seriously. After numerous outburst, they finally sent me to a doctor to be diagnosed. Parents should take their children seriously the first time so they can get treatment before it gets any worse. Needless to say, my parents finally listened to me and got me on medications and also a psychologist to talk to, granted I had a psychologist at the age of 16 and a new one at the age of 24. I wasn't seeing one for years between 16 and 24, just so you know.

Depression is classified as a loss of passion or interests, fatigue, loss or gain of appetite, too much or too little sleep, and negative thoughts or even suicidal thoughts. Anxiety is classified as being afraid that bad things will happen, panic or anxiety attacks, lack of sleep or insomnia, eating too much or too little, assuming the worst, nausea or vomiting, and a tightness in the chest. If someone is experiencing any of these symptoms, then why can't they self- diagnose? Why can't they compare their symptoms to clinical studies found on the internet? And why do they owe anyone proof by showing them the doctor's note?

I understand that many people cannot afford a therapist or a psychologist, so the only thing they can do is to talk to other people, journal, and keep going and try to make it to the next day. Many people are self- medicated through drugs, alcohol, nicotine, vape pods, and other things. While these are not healthy, I do not judge those who use them to battle their bad thought and feelings. I do believe that better coping mechanisms would be listening to music, writing, drawing, painting, walking, cycling, swimming, etc. to help with the depression and anxiety. But I believe that we should not shame or judge others for how they treat themselves.

Here is a disclaimer: The only problem with self- diagnosis is when someone uses a fake diagnosis to seek attention, which is when someone will fake a mental disorder to gain more likes, views, or "internet clout" or fame. This is the only problem with it. But other than that, it does not hurt if one really is genuinely struggling.

Please note that I have depression and anxiety, so I know a thing or two about what it's like to be in the dark like this. You are a warrior, fighting this battle in your head. You have made it through 100% of your worst days. If you feel like giving up, know that you are not fighting alone. There are many support groups for you and many people in similar situations.

If your parents, caregivers, or teachers are not understanding and do not believe in mental illnesses, then you can find private online support groups, such as Warriors of the Day, which is a server on Discord. There are other free online support groups found on apps such as Talk Life. Needless to say, there are many free online services and support groups, forums, and secret Facebook groups or pages you can also subscribe to. Also, many people on an app called TikTok have mental illness accounts, because they want those who follow them to know that they are not alone. In short, there are many free online private groups and pages for those struggling with mental illness who would be kicked out and threatened by their parents if they found out. I am so thankful that I have parents who are very understanding of me and helped me get the treatment I need.

Finally, you have to find the inner strength to keep fighting. Last year, I was in a very dark place. This year, I have been slowly coming out of that place, and you can, too. If you are in a mental health crisis,call the national suicide hotline number at 800-273-8255. Remember, you are not alone.

Yours Truly,

Sunny Dolen