When You Should Just Tell Yourself No

I rarely have a problem saying no to other people. Sorry, I don’t have time right now. I would, but I’ve got that thing to do with that stuff. Someone will ask me if I can do something, I look at my to-do list and just can’t fit it in.

Maybe you are like that, maybe not. Many people have a hard time saying no to others.

But what can be worse and more counter-productive, is an inability to say no to yourself. I am definitely guilty of this one. It can be as simple as something I spot on Twitter. Some rabbit hole just opens up before me and I want to jump down it. But I’m working on it. I’m getting better. This article discusses six times when it is okay to just say no. To yourself.

When you are already stressed

Almost all the stress in your life is self-inflicted. You worry about things you have no control over or what someone may or may not think about the job you are doing. You need to let that stuff go. But if you can’t, this is not the time to take on something else. Don’t pile on when you are stressed, say no, and decide when you are in a better state of mind.

I have gotten pretty good at this one. When I get stressed, I not only say no to additional things, I look for things to take off my list. Give me some breathing room. I know people that are the opposite. I know people that get stressed with everything they have to do and they won’t say no to others or themselves. You can just see a burnout waiting to happen.

If you are already stressed, taking on more stress is not the answer. Just say no.

When it is a low priority

Are you familiar with the Eisenhower matrix? You divide everything you do into four sections: Important and Urgent, Important but Not Urgent, Urgent but Not Important, and Not Important or Urgent. Google it. It’s a good exercise and a great way to prioritize your tasks. I wrote an article that goes into a bit. You can link to it below. But the point is, too often we spend time in that last quadrant.

You can fill your day with the mundane and unimportant and accomplish nothing. Every expert on personal productivity has one major rule. Before you decide what to do, set your high-level goals and priorities. Taking on low priority tasks may just be a way of deflecting or postponing what really needs to get done. If it is not urgent or important, just say no.

When yes makes little sense

Many times you can fool yourself into thinking something is the right thing to do because you can’t think of a good reason to say no. But stop for a minute and look at it from the other direction. Does saying yes make sense? Is this something that actually makes sense to be doing, or is it just a waste of time and doesn’t fit into where you need to be placing your focus.

How often do you do something and before long, ask yourself, “Why am I doing this?” Maybe it seemed like a good idea, but it didn’t really make any sense to be doing it in the scheme of things.

If it makes little sense to say yes, that is a good enough reason to say no.

When It’s the wrong thing to do

How often does a task pop into your mind and you just can’t seem to shake the feeling that maybe that’s not the best use of your time, but you can’t quite put your finger on why? Maybe the answer is simple and it is just the wrong thing to do. Rationalization is an amazing thing. We can talk ourselves into just about anything. But in the back of our minds, we know it was the wrong thing to do. It just doesn’t feel right.

There is a saying, “Do the next right thing.” The converse of this is, if it is the wrong thing to do, don’t do it. Just say no.

When you are overloaded

Another saying you may have heard of is, “If you’ll have something done, ask a busy person.” The idea behind this is that someone who is always busy must be good at getting things done. But maybe they are just bad at saying no. If you are already overloaded, don’t go looking for other things to pile on your overloaded day. You’re not stressed, you’re just busy. Look at your calendar. Look at your to-do list. When are you going to do it? When are you going to do the thing the new thing replaces? If you are already overloaded, just say no.

When No is Just the Right Answer

It all comes down to this. Regardless of the rationalizations of why or why not to do something, sometimes, no is just the right answer. The next time you are thinking of taking on something else, whether big or small, try saying no and see if it feels right. Sometimes, yes doesn’t feel right, so try no and it may surprise you at how often that is truly the right answer. I wrote another article linked below. It discussed a decision-making process I have developed over the years. I base it on the premise of what’s the worse that can happen. Check it out. Then, the next time you are trying to decide whether to say yes or no to yourself about doing something, ask yourself, what’s the worst that can happen? I can promise, the answer will be clear.

You can place dozens, if not hundreds of expectations on yourself every day and never seem to get anywhere. The answer may be that you need to learn to say no. Not just to others, but to yourself as well.

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