Carrying the offense of another person only drags you down, ruins you mentally, and slows down your performance. Holding a grudge instills harmful effects on you, not on the other person you hope to be affected by the situation. While they're busy, not caring, you’re finding a reason to care for the faults of someone else.
Forgiveness is a hard pill to swallow, and revenge is an easy game to play. After being hurt, our first instinct is to naturally strike back. And even if we may not fully act on it, I’m sure we think of ways we can torment them the same way they did to us. I'm 100% sure at least once we all thought revenge was the better option and forgiveness was for the weak.
We want to come out on top only to plummet down to the very bottom. We want to seek out revenge against our enemy. For once, wanting to wear the shoes of the bad guy, pulling sneaky tricks, and planning the perfect attack. (Even though this is not morally who we are but often get misled by impulse).
In the end, we believe we'll be pleased with the final result but we’re only doing more damage to ourselves. Wrecking our brains to be the monster someone was to us. You will get no rest trying to beat someone at their own game. You’re the one that will come out beat, frustrated, and hanging by a thread.
I think another important factor we should never overlook, is forgetting the good deeds these people once performed for us. It’s easy to subtract out the parts where the person did do right. A person's wrongs can easily blur that out of the picture. I mean after all, you were once cool with this person and liked them. It was never all bad. Bad decisions and bad people are two different things. But also, each person has their season in your life. Some leave on a good note, while others leave a bad taste in your mouth.
When someone does you wrong there lies an opportunity in that. To work on yourself. What’s unfortunate can be turned into something useful and worthwhile. If you’re hurting it’s okay, it won’t last forever and you are strong enough to pick those pieces right back up like the wonderful masterpiece you are. Don’t worry about feeding your ego and trying to find ways to prove a point. If you really want to feel better, then do yourself the favor, and stop trying to look for a reaction you won’t get.
I am sharing this because I don’t know who needs to hear this today. I came across a wise quote that said,
“People who do you wrong are just helping you. They’re helping you realize what you don’t need in your life and what you really deserve.”
As you self-reflect you begin to understand that people leave for the better, not for the worst. You learn what’s best for you and what’s not. You know what to look out for in a person the next time around. And this only helps to build genuine connections with others who truly are for you. Even if they did mess up, they’ll do everything in their power to make it right because they value the mutual bond that is shared.
Here are a few key points to take on when someone did you wrong:
1. Drop The Why’s And Negative Self Talk
Don’t taunt yourself with the phrases “I’m not good enough” or “Why did this person do this?” We try to seek questions that have no answers. We talk down on ourselves a lot, disregarding our true worth. Most of the time we are making false assumptions and judgments about ourselves with no logic. This will only worsen things and lower our self-esteem. There is no need for this since it doesn’t solve anything.
2. Stay Away From The People That Are Not Good For You
This can be a relationship, friends, or family. You know what’s good for you and what’s not. If you choose to give someone another chance because they’ve potentially changed, make sure their actions are proving it and not just words. You should never forget your significance in this world. Know that you’re capable of having good people in your life who will treat you well, as long as you are willing to do the same in return. In life, you have the options to settle for the bare minimum or aim for the stars.
3. Work On Yourself Before You Try To Ruin Someone Else
Sometimes when we don’t fully work on ourselves and give our hearts the time to heal, the temptation to find another person to fill that void is real. But it won’t make it better. The other person may just end up hurt in the process because we weren’t capable of having them at the time. After all, they do say hurt people, hurt people. So make sure you’re A-ok first.
It may be convenient but it is selfish to solely focus on our personal gains without considering the other person’s. Once you feel like yourself, there will be plenty of people out there waiting to fill a better role than the previous person.
4. Be The Victor, Not The Victim
Self-reflecting and taking responsibility for your part is probably one of the most mature ways to move forward from a situation. Having ownership over your part and knowing where you did wrong helps you grow as a person. You also learn to forgive the faults of others. What seemed unfortunate can end up being a victory all along.
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