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What's life after this?

Existential crisis, a privileged mindset.

By Jaci AbigailPublished 4 years ago 2 min read
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"Staying at home means having a home."

It keeps me up at night.

I had so many plans before this pandemic. 1. I planned to improve in school. (Our school doesn't hold online classes due to other students having no internet access.) 2. I wanted to enter college sooner than ever, and now the timetable's gonna change. I wanted so many things to happen in my life and now, maybe all of those plans are gonna wither away.

The stock market's crashing, people have no jobs, and I can't receive my school allowances because school's shut down. These things keep me up at night because I'd be so worried about my ambitions not falling into place, I'd be so afraid that maybe, humanity will be forced into their separate homes for decades, and technology will have a new purpose of helping people have a convenient lifestyle avoiding physical contact, or worse I'd imagine a steampunk, dystopian future with sand burying all of civilization... yeah, i'm overthinking that one but, that's what's gonna be in my head later when I fall to sleep and I can't help it!

My friend and I were discussing about how our city's ECQ (Enhanced Community Quarantine) will end soon (and then shift to GCQ), and while I was being positive and relieved about the improvement of our city, she reminded me of what happened back then with The Spanish Flu. She told me that she was worried about how people would maybe misbehave or what if the City's lock down measures would be less strict. The Spanish Flu, that she reminded me of, had two waves that lasted two years, and what she said scared me.

Now later, we talked about how school was definitely NOT gonna start again this August. She talked about how it was too early, and I was reminded about what my mom told me about the people who would be working their butts off to work for their family and pay off their debts, and that school would just be a burden to their efforts. So that one really ticked me off, I mean, I was really worried about my school life.

But then again, having an existential crisis is a sign of privilege, and really, I was #blessed to be having a life like this, considering how other families have no internet, or cannot eat 3 times the day, or don't have a proper shelter to protect themselves from the virus, or have a source of income to provide for their families. I am reminded of this, always.

Despite that reminder, I still have an existential crisis-- I don't complain that much about it, though. Those thoughts will remain here, in my head and in here, being read by you.

I'll sleep now.

humanity
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