Weight Loss Confessional

Week one of fifty-two

Here we go again. Another year, another decade. Another chance to conform to the patterns of the world and attempt to lose weight (well, for the first 7 days of January, as per the yearly trend).

Disliking the figure my scale was presenting I decide to step off and allow the scale some time to reset. After a few moments, I slowly step on, feet wider apart, stomach pulled in and breath held. As if this would make a blind bit of difference. Result...the same.

Stepping off of the scales in disgust I observe the empty wine bottles, discarded celebrations and roses tins, crisps and nut packets and release a heavy sigh. I fondly remember what pure bliss the past month has been. Everyone knows that calories do not exist in December, so I lived those days in the final month of 2019 in a wonderful food bubble. it is therefore anyones guess how calorific my food intake has been.

The problem now is that everything, (I mean absolutely everything), consumed over the festive period has taken up residence on hips, thighs and butt. My hips are so wide anyway, there’s certainly space to accomodate those extra unwanted pounds.

Convinced the overconsumption at Christmas has resulted in the expanse of my waistline, I hold little hope that I will be able to squeeze into my outfit for work next week. Luckily work is a few days away yet, so I have some time to perhaps lose a couple of pounds and reduce the likelihood of my trousers ripping when I sit down... embarrassment is to be avoided at all costs, although it seems to be a frequent occurrence in my every day life.

In an effort to attempt to start the year off right, I scan the contents of our fruit bowl with disinterest. I wish I had the desire to be healthy. I miss those breakfasts over Christmas; crispy croissants, jam toast, scrambled eggs, bacon... today I have a banana. Great.

Scrolling through Instagram this morning I saw a LOT of people blending all sorts of green yucky-ness with their nutribullet machines. Don’t get me wrong, I love green veggies, but not enough to blend them all together and enjoy as a drink, quite frankly I wonder if anyone actually does?

I think I will stick to a large cup of coffee, which I enjoyed this morning, and will continue to enjoy every morning for that matter. Especially as I will be attempting to wake up at the crack of dawn during the week to torture my muscles in the gym. I am not highly confident that I will manage to do this for very long.

I hate all this new year new me nonsense, which lasts approximately one week before those less willed fall back into comfortable patterns, which do not include visits to the self-obsessed nature of gyms.

Towards the latter part of 2019 I stupidly decided to book a personal trainer session without having exercised for quite a few weeks. I honestly felt like my personal trainer was intent on causing me the most amount of pain possible as punishment for my severe laziness. Never. Again.

I will not call my attempt at weight loss a New Years resolution, because we all know that they are bound to fail. Instead, this will be a journey (doesn’t everyone just love that overused word?)

Here goes my attempt to evict all unhealthy fat and squeeze my fat butt into a size 12 by 31st December 2020 (just keep dreaming, dreaming, dreaming… it’s what I do best).

Stay tuned for weekly entries of my 2020 weight loss vision.