Unscripted Daily Marathons

Changing Life With a Fresh Start

Three months after my boyfriend, Jay, passed away, I was living life from my bed. I would leave my room for three things: peppermint green tea, cheese doodles, and Ben and Jerry's. Daily marathons of Real Housewives would keep me numb. There were days I would roll out of bed, onto the floor, and pull on my own hair just to stand up.

I had been searching on-line for perhaps some sort of in-patient depression rehab. And then, like a flash of lightening, the idea hit me. A husband, I need to find an husband. Jay and I never married, nor did we even live together. How do you think we stayed together for eleven years? Here I was, widowed by default. An actual husband would solve all of my problems.

I signed up for the ironically named J-Date, a Jewish dating site. I went out with five different fellas. The women in my bereavement class sort of respected my decision, but were also concerned that I was jumping into this way too soon. My therapist told me that three of her cousins found their husbands on J-Date.

The five dudes I went out with were one train wreck after another. Only the socialist lawyer was awarded a second date. We actually made out at the Borough Hall train station before heading our separate ways. I never heard from him again, and thus ended my career as an internet dating game player.

Thoughts of those dudes make me want to throw up in my mouth a little. But the truth is, they got me up and out of bed. I actually put make up on my face, and accessorized my outfits. My dating site activities made me care much less if I was on Jill or Bethenny's team, at a time when I thought these were my only choices.

Cover of New Relationships

Although I touch type extremely well, I prefer to write longhand in a notebook. I love the sound of a pen scratching the page. I have not come around to e-readers either. I'd rather turn the pages of an actual book.

I must admit to you all that when I look at a guy, and find him attractive, one of the first things I look at is his neck. Let me give you a few examples:

• Neil Donell, the newest lead singer of Chicago, and by new I mean since 2018. That man has an incredibly sexy neck. And have you heard him sing?
• Daveed Diggs. Umm uh, excuse me, hellooooo.
• Captain Lee Rosbach. From Bravo's "Below Deck." That's a fine neck.
• Barack Obama. Need I say more?

What can I say? I'm a neck girl through and through.

So from the moment I was asked to stand outside that first box office window, in the off-Broadway theater, I took notice of a man who worked there. I don't believe that I have a "type" when it comes to the men I dated, but Jay certainly wasn't it. He had an old man's rat tail, and wore a bolo tie and a leather vest every day. He was 21 years older than me, which wasn't a big deal, with the exception of the fact he really didn't get all of our 80s pop culture references at work.

But there was something about that day that he left for his lunch break, and got his tail cut off. And that's when I discovered what a sexy neck he had. I complimented him on his new look. And he slipped me his e-mail address under the box office window. This is precisely how our relationship started.

Hobbies & Pastimes

There are two things I love to do in this world more than anything: drink tea, and run. Obviously not at the same time, but I have been known to run miles for the best possible iced tea. Typically I do this best in Venice Beach, California.

Through excellent guidance as an undergrad, my dual major allowed me to take a number of graduate level classes. My university enrolled over 36,000 students, and I made friends very easily. But all I wanted was for the grad students to like me. They were artsy, sophisticated, and fun. And they all drank herbal tea, so I started drinking it.

My dad, who was a history buff and a first class kibitzer, jokingly called me an aristocrat. And then he took it upon himself to explain to me why we Americans drink coffee. I defended myself well when I told him that our family wasn't anywhere near this country at the time of the Boston Tea Party.

Now I collect and brew pots of tea, and ice it on a regular basis. I don't drink has much herbal, since I seek a more caffeinated level of gratification. One of my favorite spots in New York is the Harney & Sons tea tasting room in Soho. The Harney family has been in the business for over 40 years, and they remain directly involved. Their selection is as vast as their knowledge. If you ever find yourself in the area, definitely check them out. It appears as if their cafe is closed, but the shop is indeed open.

My relationship with running happened quite organically. Each time Jay spent time in the hospital, I developed a floor pacing habit. So when Jay was out of the hospital, I would take extremely long power walks. There were many times I would walk to work, from Prospect Park to the East Village, six miles over the Manhattan Bridge. And the more life tried to strike me down, I would always get back up...and power walk.

The first 5K I signed up for was on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. I found it because I searched for a "walker friendly" race. I had no idea what I was doing, and absolutely loved each step. It had significantly less to do with the competitive aspect. People of all shapes, sizes and ages came together to share a start line, and a finish line.

As I trained to power walk more 5Ks, I somehow just naturally picked up the pace. The first race I ran entirely was the "Take Your Base 5K." It started and ended at MCU Park. All along the Coney Island boardwalk, there were very hot Brooklyn Cyclone baseball players cheering us on. You should have seen those necks. That's all the motivation this girl needed.

The Book

As I was blossoming into an aging endurance athlete, I picked up the book "Finding Ultra," by Rich Roll. Here's this guy, who followed all the rules growing up. Student swimmer, Stanford on an athletic scholarship, law school. He should have had it all, but his alcohol addiction threatened to claim all if it. Sobriety brought on a predilection for fast junk food. Then a brief health scare acted as the catalyst behind major life style changes.

Here's a man, who I never met, who took a different trajectory in his life than my own. But both the concrete and esoteric similarities are there, in black and white, in the pages I turned.

Mind blown. Life altered. Change doesn't happen overnight.

And now he is an accomplished, plant based triathlete. You should see that neck.