To "Yoga with Adriene"

Dear Adriene,

When people look at me today, they see someone optimistic. Someone who takes anything negative thrown my way, and tries with every fiber of my being to look forward to something better. I don’t compliment myself often, but I know this is true.

Ask anyone about what to do for better mental health, and one of the answers will always be to get your exercise in. Healthy body, healthy mind, right? While obviously physical activity isn’t the cure all for mental illnesses, it is a great help.

During college, I decided to do more than just going for walks. I wanted to do something that would get me more active. Running wasn’t really my thing, nor was weightlifting. I didn’t do any sports, and I didn’t want to go through the hassle of finding some kind of league to join.

I saw yoga as an option. However, I didn’t want to join a class. I was a lot more self-conscious than I am now, and I was scared people would think I sucked at yoga if I did it in a group of people. Once I moved off campus in my junior year and had my own room, I figured something online would suffice.

You don’t need me to tell you that there are a ton of YouTube videos out there. There are channels upon channels of great instructors offering countless hours of content.

I stumbled onto your channel at random. I hadn’t found my yoga channel yet, but I was on the second day of my period. I felt like I couldn’t even get out of bed. I couldn’t just sit there in pain. I needed something. I opened my laptop and searched on YouTube for stretches to make my muscles less cramped and painful.

“Yoga for Women” was the first video of yours I’d seen. I saw a pillow in the thumbnail and thought, “Yes, this looks fantastic”. It was. From the get go, I fell in love with the practice. What I found that day was something consistent in all your videos: the theme of “find what feels good”. I was able to do yoga with some pillows and blankets, and I ended up feeling refreshed at the end. I’ve come back to this practice many times, and it’s one of the best comforts for me on days when I’m feeling disgusting and crampy.

You were a breath of fresh air, just you, your mat, and a camera, telling me to do what was best for my body. I could trust you to guide me through the pain I was feeling, and I was more than happy to.

I wish I could say I dove in immediately afterward. Instead, I would do “Yoga for Women” a few times during my time of the month and leave it at that. It worked for a few months, and then I started poking around different videos on your channel. I wanted to be more flexible, both physically and mentally. I want to be able to hold a plank for more than ten seconds. There were many things I wanted to do, but I was still scared.

I pictured myself outside my body looking in, and I was so worried I would have the wrong form, or I wouldn’t be able to stretch that much at first. I was embarrassed that I might look like an idiot, even though it was just me in my apartment.

It was boredom that drove me to finally shut my curtains and find a fifteen minute yoga video from your channel. I don’t remember the name, but it was one of the beginner’s videos. I figured, I’m off today, I’m not doing anything. My roommates aren’t home. If there’s a time for me to do this, it would be now.

Within thirty seconds, I was able to deepen my breathing and feel aware of everything going on within myself. I could tweak my posture here, make my legs a little heavier there. You were giving me small pointers and adjustments I’d never thought to make on my own. The poses felt right. When I couldn’t touch my toes, I didn’t feel bad about it. Again, you were reminding me to “find what feels good”. I didn’t have to worry about whether my downward dog was perfect; you told me to stay at the place that was best for me. The hardest part was getting on the mat, and I’d made it.

I started small, with maybe one session a week. By the end of my lease, I was up to about three a week, and feeling good. It was the first time since elementary school I could touch my toes, and I felt my posture had improved. I would stretch right when I woke up and feel like the day was mine. For the first time in a few months, my head felt lighter, and I wasn’t struggling to get out of bed every day. My mental health was improving. I would have that out of body experience when I practiced, only this time I could see myself confidently. Even if I couldn’t do the poses to the fullest, I felt good about what I was doing. Through it all, you were telling me that wherever I was in my poses was alright. Whatever lit the fire for me was right for me. I was making the practice my own.

In the hectic move to my new apartment, and in getting to know my new roommates and surroundings, I wasn’t as into my yoga practice as I wanted to be. I would do certain stretches and poses in my room, at night, but that was about it. Once the dust settled, I would continue with my practices in my room, about once or twice a week. I kept them easy. I wasn’t do any wild poses or pushing myself too hard. This was the status quo for a while. I was able gradually stop going to therapy, mediate even more, and keep your yoga practices energizing my body. For the first time, I was a glass half full person. I was looking on the bright side and truly believing stressful times would pass.

And then COVID-19 happened.

One of the most anxiety producing things for me is illness and disease. I didn’t handle COVID well at first. I kept up a front to everyone around me that I was fine, I was still positive, but it was a huge effort. I would go to bed shaking and lay awake until three in the morning. Some nights I didn’t sleep at all. Instead of doing my cat-cow poses, I was curling up in a ball trying to get my chest to stop hurting.

As bad as my anxiety can get, I can only have a very high anxiety level for so long. After two months of stress putting my body through the ringer, I was burned out. I would work from home, play some video games, eat dinner, read, and pass out. That was my day. Uneventful, moving from a chair to a couch to a bed, then doing it all over again the next day.

Again, it was boredom that finally got me back on the mat. My roommates and I couldn’t go outside, and we wanted something to do, something kind of exercise to keep us active. I thought of you, and how good it felt to take a deep breath with my hands over my heart. I pulled up your channel and found a new thirty day yoga practice called Home.

“What if we do this?” I asked my roommates. “Adriene is super chill, even if you’ve never done yoga, her stuff is amazing.”

Home was perfectly titled; when I started the breathing exercises, I felt like I was home. We did Home every day for thirty days, and then we moved on to another thirty day playlist. I’ve continued doing tons of your videos. Sometimes it’s a beginner’s video focusing on a single pose, or other times it’s a full, one hour practice. Regardless, I find that no matter the day I’ve had, stopping to do some yoga has improved my outlook.

Your yoga practices are inspiring. With you, I feel like I’m not just in a yoga class, I’m being spoken to as if you were right there. When I’m doing a pose, I can wiggle my fingers, do a silly lion’s breath, or add fun little comments and twists to what I’m doing. I’ve made my own little variations and I have fun doing it. I’m excited to do yoga. I’m excited to see how I improve every day. I never imagined it at the beginning of the year, but I can do a crow pose now.

I’ve done a lot to get to where I am today, and a huge part of that has been thanks to your yoga. Though I’ve been inconsistent at times, I always come back. I can rely on you to help me have a healthy body and healthy mind. I can bring my authentic self to these videos, because you bring your authentic self too.

So thank you, Adriene. Thank you for helping me think positively about myself. Thank you for getting me to exercise and treat my body better. Thank you for each and every one of your videos. I know you’ve touched so many others, and I hope your positivity continues to extend its reach. You deserve every like and subscribe you get, and I know you’ll continue to get more. Thank you for your generosity, your encouragement, and your belief in your viewers. You have changed my life, and I’ll always be thankful.