Thinking, Walking and Syncing

I know one thing of myself, that I am an (over)thinker a lot. I have so many thoughts going on in my mind. I am thinking about what I want to practice on the violin that moment, what I want to feed my children, what I want to write as an article today, and on which topic I want to write an article. Just name it what could be on my mind.

Also, personal issues coming up on my mind every second of the day. I have been through a lot: I have been bullied, I have abused, I have manipulated and I have been gaslighted.

That is what I am thinking about a lot as well: “How do I cope with that in my life?”

My mind is blowing up from all the thoughts I have. Positive and negative. Sometimes it is just like a big balloon that still blows up and never breaks.

"Why did I do it this way?"

"What is wrong with me now?"

"Why is the president doing stupid things?"

"I do need my black strong hot coffee, right now!"

"Where did I leave my notebook? It is so important to me to get the notes, or to write in it now."

All these thoughts are on my mind, every day, every second of the day. Most of the time I can't switch myself off from my thoughts.

I need someone to do that for me, but I need to learn to do it myself as well. Because I know my mother is not going to stand next to me every day - as I am an adult now - and turn that button off for me.

Every day I am looking to new methods to get rest in my head, to find peace in my mind, and allow myself to not have any thought on my mind, for once.

With all this in my mind - and we go again with my thoughts - I have to find a way to be one with myself, and the people I love very much. There are several things I have tried, but nothing worked.

I have tried to switch off my phone and all my other devices to not get distracted and do other things than I need to do. Going into my zen mode didn't work as well. Such as sitting on the ground and meditate. I am not made for that.

One thing I love to do is walking. Walking into nature. I love being in nature as I can be myself, look at other things coming towards me, the wind blowing into my face and I don't think about anything else than the wind into my face. Mostly it comes unexpected, the wind, and I am surprised by it. I love that surprised as I don't think about that article, as I don't think about what to feed my kids, as I don't think about what I have to do in keeping the house and name it whatever is on my mind.

As walking into nature, it helps me find a way to park those thoughts somewhere – still on my mind – and yet I don’t think about that thought at that right moment.

I always keep telling myself this: when the thought is really important, it will stay in your mind and your mind will come back to it soon enough when there is space in your head again. Then I will write it down in my notebook, then I will write that article, or then I will get inspired for a dish to feed my kids.

Your mind will remind you whatsoever. And whenever there is room in your brain. We have to cope with so many different things in life, that we can't remember everything that comes up in your mind. That is ok, that is being a human. Making mistakes or don't remember everything you have said, is fine, that is fine.

Walking into nature brings me back to my inner self, to me again, and to whom I want to me. Being into nature is being zen and being thoughtless.