The Yo-Yo Weight Loss Struggle

Written by Commissar Stone, February 6, 2021

I go to bed hungry every night–not because I don’t have enough to eat, no. My partner and I are DINKs (Dual Income No Kids) who make a decent amount of money.

So why go hungry? I’m obese.

As an obese person, I am X amount of times more likely to develop diabetes, kidney issues, high blood pressure, and I am at higher risk of a heart attack ect.

If you don't know the stats, I can't help you any further. I’m not a doctor, I just know that I’m at risk of early death for health-related complications because I’m too fat.

The reason I go to bed hungry is because I eat a modest dinner between 4 to 5 pm. I keep my serving portion small. Much smaller than I would prefer. I try to use lower amounts of bad fats and higher amounts of good fats. I avoid sugars and carbs, and I walk 5-10 minutes at least 3 times a day. I don't smoke, I avoid trans fats, I don’t snack. I never eat after 7 pm. That last one is the kicker. Trying to maintain a healthy lifestyle is difficult.

It’s not as if I can't lose the weight, I have in the past. The first time I “lost the weight” was in my early 20’s after a bad breakup. It started with a desire to be someone else. The easiest path to that was simply to lose weight. It took almost two years of smaller portions, exercise, and going to bed hungry to drop from 350 to 195 lbs. I would obsess over it 24/7. If I didn't work out I was in a bad mood. If I didn't eat right I was in a bad mood. If I gained weight I was in a bad mood. If I didn't lose weight fast enough I was in a bad mood. If I exercised too much I was in a bad mood, so on and so on and so on. I spent two miserable years struggling to get under 200 lbs.

I met my current partner about 1 year into my weight loss journey, when I was still around 270 lbs, and I continued to lose weight for the first year of our relationship, bottoming out at 195. Then came the neck injury. My job status changed to accommodate the injury, and the sedentary work meant I was far less active than I was previously. It took several years for the weight to creep back on but over the next 10 years I went from 195 back up to 370 lbs. It didn't take much to be honest. It started by letting the workout routine slip. Then, cheating on the diet, eating later than I knew I should. When all was said and done, it took 10 years of neglecting the diet and exercise routine to surpass my previous maximum weight. It’s hard to describe what being big is like. I don't like sitting next to people because I don't want to touch them with my sides. Almost every toilet is too small. It's hard to go up and down stairs.

The second time I lost a substantial amount of weight was after a doctor told me I had diabetes. Surprise surprise! Not wanting to let the doctor have his day, I dedicated myself to working out and eating right again. Every day consisted of two 45-60 minutes of intense exercise biking. I was literally riding my ass off. The diet gets a paragraph all to itself my friends.

I ate salad. I ate a combo of power greens and superfoods with measured amounts of protein. I made sure that I had macro fats and fibers and antioxidants. Blueberries with pumpkin seeds and avocado over spring greens. When it wasn’t that it was a sliver of salmon with quinoa, measured and carefully portioned out for an entire week. I had mass produced every meal in advance to make sure I don’t cheat. I spent every Sunday chopping up a week worth of salad, cooking a week worth of salmon or chicken and portioning it out into Tupperware for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I did this for months. I also took a red rice yeast supplement for my high cholesterol. I made a trip to Costco every week to buy two-hundred bucks in salad ingredients alone. It wasn’t uncommon to have a grocery bill of up to $1200 per month in organic, quality foods. Eventually, my perfect diet, cycling, and supplements got me back to healthy–at least on paper. I was no longer diabetic. For those of us with slow metabolisms that like to store fat for times of famine, the more we struggle with work and life stress, finances, and relationships, the more we will struggle with our weight.

A sequence of events led to the next round of weight gain for me. First, it was the bike. Having ridden it every day, twice a day for over a year it finally gave out on me. I tried to recover from its loss, slinging my credit card down on a treadmill, hoping to double down on the workout. I took long 3 hour walks into the night. Then came the surgery. I’ll spare you the gory details as it includes the intestines but after that, everything changed. Certain foods became off limits. My favorite exercises like long bike rides and endless walks became a nightmare for me. The pounds came back.

I do believe that for most of us, a significant portion of our lives can be relatively healthy at any size, including obese. Unfortunately, the healthy at any size label didn't apply to me, as I struggle with type-2 diabetes. I know it will only get worse if left untreated. Thankfully, diet and excersize is the best treatment for obesity related disorders. I’m approaching mid-life now and I’m beginning yet another weight-loss journey. As I write this at the start of the newest struggle to regain my health and mobility, I weigh 300 lbs. Wish me luck.