The Truth About Mental Illness

The truth about mental illness.

In my experience, I’ve never needed a trigger, I’ve never found a real reason or trigger to the moments anxiety and depression come over me. You don’t need an excuse to feel sad, alone, down, worthless, those thoughts just come from nowhere. It just happens, no warning, no freeing my mind of the thoughts. It could be as simple as someone’s tone of voice or body language where my mind instantly overthinks and over analyzes the situation, the person, the moods. Some people may know their triggers, but the amount of times I’ve talked to people, none of them have been able to pin point triggers, it’s all about the environment and the situations they were in. someone may have been extremely genuine and happy to be around you, having a great time, but you can over think that encounter excessively. I’ve revisited all the stupid and childish things I have said and done growing up and still do. There’s people that I’ve embarrassed myself so much around them that I try to avoid talking to them innocently. Even just asking how they’re doing I literally feel like an annoyance, I feel like I’m a burden and that I’m being judged. There hasn’t been a time where I haven’t felt like I’ve been judged and I’m sure many others with a mental illness have felt the same. I was always questioned by my parents growing up by saying ‘what do you have to be stressed about?’ ‘What’s so bad that you feel depressed, suicidal? You have a roof over your head, a job, a car.’ Okay, all those things are great, but just because the outside looks great, does not mean that it is justifiable and that you are feeling complete mentally and internally. That’s the thing with a mental illness, it may look great on the outside and others may envy you. However, in my experience it’s because I’ve felt alone, worthless, a burden, sometimes I don’t even know what I’m feeling. I sit there and cry and overthink every decision I’ve made and everything I’m in the process of doing. WE DON’T NEED A REASON! I’m sure many of us who battle with a mental illness would love nothing more than to not feel like that. Many of us don’t need or know the reason we feel down, if we did, it could be something to work on.

Relationships are not your friend, they’re really not. Romantic or friend wise, they are not your friend, in fact it’s your worst nightmare. You fear for those encounters because you always have your wall up of guarding yourself. The person may seem genuine but you’re just waiting for that moment when they prove you right. The worst is when you’ve been cheated on and you’ve been there for so many people but nobody is there for you. I tell everyone that I’m always a phone call away if they need anything, even if they were a bully or a cause to my mental illness. Not because I’m trying to get revenge or one up them, because I’m actually the type of person who genuinely cares and doesn’t hold a grudge, except against myself. Mental illness is something I have a passion for mainly because I’ve been in the same situations and actually understand. Do not tell someone to ‘just get over it’ or ‘someone has it worse than you’. Do not ever tell someone that. You have no grounds or authority to minimize someone’s personal battle. For them, it’s the worst thing in the world and that needs to be recognized and there needs to be some sensitivity. Everyone has a personal battle and struggles with different areas of their life. Who are you to tell them they’re reasons are not good enough? Who are you to judge them? Don’t do it, all it does is make us feel worse and that were more of a burden. Be there for us, support us, talk to us, even if you don’t know what to say sometimes just talking to someone is a huge relief. To those that are battling with any form of mental illness, remember, you are not your illness. Don’t look at yourself as a problem, a disease or sick. The illness does not define who you are, the strength you have every day to get up is admirable enough. This life is a struggle enough, do your best to ignore the negativity, you are strong, and you can do this, it does get better, believe in yourself when no one else does. This writing does not represent every single individual who battles with mental illness, it is a personal view and insight from other individuals.