The Light at the End of the Tunnel Is Not the Illusion, the Tunnel Is

The self is looking for "this." But what is this? Well, this is exactly what is happening. There is reading of this—the eyes are reading, the brain is processing this word. That's this; sitting on the chair is this. The hands moving over the words is this. But that never satisfies the self. The self is always looking for something. It feels something is missing; it is walking down a dark tunnel waiting to get to the light. But the light is all there is, and there is no tunnel and no one walking down it. Maybe the thing that the self is waiting for is the end of "me," the self. The self is a seeker, always looking for more. When there is no longer any seeking, there is no self. But it is seen in liberation that there is no self, and there never was one; so, therefore, there really is no liberation. But there is a vast difference. The mind changes its environment, and there is no longer a centralised person who watches through the eyes of what it feels is its body living in a house, in a town or city or village in a country on Earth in the universe. This is the universe; there is no "out there," or another time, or any time—there is only this. This.

Consciousness, awareness, being in the "now": all lead the seeker down another rabbit-hole to becoming mindful. This is also another illusion. This message isn't pointing to mindfulness. It is pointing to this: life as it is. Many are using the name "non-duality" and feel that it is the same as consciousness teachings. But there is nothing to learn, nothing to drop, nothing to do, and nowhere to go; all there is is wholeness. So, where else is there to go be in the silence? Silence is also full of noise; peace is full of chaos, and emptiness is another trap, as emptiness is teeming with life and fullness. There is no one who can become empty, silent, at peace, etc. That's wonderful—a quiet mind is blissful—but no one has that. Sometimes, the mind is full of fear or wonderful ideas or songs or movement. That is not what is being pointed to here. The mind is the wind. It changes—so what?

Non-duality is not a path you can get on or fall off. Non-duality is what already is and always has been, if you want to make a story. It is not a method, a way, or an idea, although I am sure the self will make it into one. It is pointing to the fact that there is no separation whatsoever. Trying to be present and free is like fucking for virginity or bombing for peace. Sure, you can have some wonderful experiences of feeling connected and whole and blissful by sitting with gurus in Satsang; but that passes, and then you are left with the "real world" of your life, and the fear, anger, regret, jealousy, and pain come back in again and appear to dominate you. Non-duality is also pain and suffering. But who suffers? There is just suffering. Suffering happens.

So, perhaps someone came here to read these wise words, trying to find something to end the search, and maybe no one will leave. Perhaps it will be seen that no one ever arrived in the first place, and no one has ever been or gone anywhere. Isn't that a relief, to see that there is nothing to be done? Doesn't that make such a change to be sitting in Satsangs in non-duality talks and meetings? It's simple, a simple miracle is happening: it is always this. Not "this moment" or "here" as opposites to not being identified, or angry, or not at peace—"this" with "anything." Unconditional love can be anything; it can appear to be an atom bomb or a hug. It is always this.

—Ella May

England, Monday, October 16, 2017