The Holy Grail, The Cup of Satisfaction, The Drink of Fulfillment

Facing the Unlimited with the Limited

When I think about food it feels like facing the unlimited with the limited. My non-existent desire to eat other things or “go back to eating” after feeling such simplicity and fulfillment while following the raw milk cure, also referred to as a mono food and drink diet called the raw milk diet (note that for me this is not the same thing as a fast and comes from a different and healthy mindset than that of an eating disorder) has left me asking myself “Do I really have to go through this again?” and “When did I do it before?” Nonetheless, knowing that this desire I’ve been feeling is highly unconventional, controversial and can make many people go into defense mode, I understand that the unlimited can only be fulfilled by the unlimited, and so, I dive into asking these questions with the willingness to be open to whatever answers and options for proceeding may come along.

As a child, I remember feeling this way often when I was told it was time to eat or that I had to eat certain things and/or at certain times—there were always too many choices and I would feel discombobulated, insecure and pressured and the fear would make my body nauseous.

Born in me was an uncomfortable indecisiveness. Even after an honest attempt to enjoy my selection, I felt afraid that I made the wrong choice and I didn’t look forward to having to do it again at the next call to consume something—and there was always going to be a next time, or so it seemed.

I did not understand how to feel truly fulfilled because I couldn't fathom a way for my body to try all the combinations now or ever, and this went totally against my innate understanding of being from an unlimited source—a child of God and darling ruler of the universe (a reference to Man in a contemplative book on universal truths called The Book of Mirdad).

With a strong awareness of who I was when I came into this world, it hit hard when what I knew was right in my heart was not validated by the people I looked to to show me the way to fulfillment and sustenance. What they were telling me was not fulfilling or sustaining to me, but what I heard on repeat was: “This is how you live and if you don’t like, it could be worse, look at all the starving kids out there.”

And Then Entered The Hungry Ghost.

I betrayed myself time and time again trying to make the right decision, or just trying to eat everything, but clearly limited by my body’s capacity. And this overeating and binging and searching for grace in all the wrong places went on for years leading to bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety, anger, rage, rejection and all sorts of unhappiness. Yet, I kept searching, even though I had a good life with loving people around me and everything everyone else thought I needed.

Through a ton of self-reflection I found out that I could turn to my imagination because that IS unlimited. Imagining myself enjoying the unlimited combinations of food possibilities worked for a bit because it’s so complete and accurate in providing me with all the feelings accessible. But this I realized is still not drinking from the holy grail and feeling true fulfillment—because I could spend all my time, forevermore, entertaining eating anything only to feel that insatiable feeling to conjure up another imaginary combination. And so I ask myself: “Why waste my time thinking about what is insatiable even to my unlimited imagination?" It’s fleeting entertainment, and there are so many other things to think about that beget life and provide a joy incomparable to that. I’ve felt it! The real fulfillment is a feeling of peace which will never be found in all the food in the world because it all starts out as thought—of the spirit world, in my soul, and the thoughts wont end unless I end them myself.

As for my flesh, I have seen and read far too much to question that when in proper working order, mother nature and my body communicate perfectly, and what I need for it to thrive is important but actually very little and much more simple than I’ve been taught.

The Holy Grail

Consumption of food does not beget life, it sustains the flesh, but only truly under the right circumstances with the right exchange of information between flesh and soul. The holy grail comes out in us when our approach to life is creating life, a relationship to God that focuses all your creative energy on that which begets life.

But food is everywhere and we're almost obligated to give it thought. Next to sex it's one of the biggest topics that we face together. And so what am I to do, betray myself again because so many others' lives revolve around food? I can think of many more things to think about than waste my thought on food. It does not control me anymore. I am free. I trust my body to pick from whatever is available to me at whatever time wherever I am, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant to others. Even if I don't want to eat anything at that time, it's okay, because right now I'm totally healing my body and mind and re-syncing them with my soul on nothing but raw milk and water and when/if I'm done with the raw milk—I'll choose another course.

So here I stand, ready to create, which is to say: observe my surroundings and think of the possibilities until I define which I want.

I’ve gotten what I’ve been wanting for years. For food, or my idea thereof, to peacefully fall away in genuine transformation and knowing as does all that no longer brings true fulfillment to my life. So far this has happened to me with alcohol, cigarettes, weed and other stimulants, and also the highly controversial—sex (for satisfaction and an illusion of connection, I’m not talking about for life creation). This falling away can happen with anything that can be traced back to needing something to continually happen to stay full, or, drinking from anything other than the holy grail. If you’re on this path, keep going. It is possible to feel true satisfaction and peace in the area of food and so many others.

Please stay tuned for an audio version of this article.

The Bedrest Milk Diaries

This article is entry #21 in a series of journal entries titled “The Bedrest Milk Diaries,” which are my contemplation and reflections during a minimum of 40 days on the raw milk cure, raw milk diet with the intention to heal my body and mind from Lyme Disease, Graves Disease, SIBO, Leaky Gut and other gut issues and the symptoms that go along with them. I intend to continue this diet until I feel free from these autoimmune diseases and chronic illnesses that plague so many people today. Please do a google search for the hashtag #bedrestmilkdiaries to see all the original posts on Instagram and Facebook and follow to stay updated and inspired.

THE BEDREST MILK DIARIES FEATURED POST

If you enjoyed this article, I invite you to pass this article on and/or share a tip with me via the “Tip” button on this page and help me continue to inspire others to keep doing “the work” and deepen our understanding of the practical application of opening our hearts for the genuine transformations we are working towards.

Thank you for reading,

Beth