The Hard Truth: Why Your Weight Loss Plans Aren't Working

One of the most common questions I get asked about weight loss and fitness is: "Where do I start?" As well as "How do you stay motivated?" The one thing about my fitness journey is that all my life I never quite felt like my body was up to par. But the amount of insecurity and lack of self-confidence was even more burdening to me than what my body looked like. I was never the "fat kid" in high school, but I was never the pretty girl either. I wish I had known then how naturally strong I am; that my body is naturally an athletic one, and that once I would have started an active hobby, I most likely never would have become an obese adult. But I did become an obese adult, about a year after I had my first child. As this over-200-pound version of myself, I was always making (and breaking) my own promises and trying things that didn't work, only to go back to my old ways. I always ended up saying things like: "Hey, I like to eat what I like to eat." "Maybe my body is supposed to be this way." "Weight loss works for other people, it has never worked for me." So despite making it look so easy now, it wasn't always that way for me. I learned a lot along the way, and I could have had it easy. I made it harder on myself, and I want to share what I didn't know then with you, so maybe you can stop making it harder on yourself, too.

At the time, my diet looked something like:

Breakfast: Some kind of cake, donuts, or cinnamon bun, and one large sweet tea

Lunch: Two pieces of fried chicken, chips, candy, one large soda

Dinner: Either fast food drive-through or pre-packaged process foods, no whole foods whatsoever, and hardly any vegetables. Oh, and more sweet tea.

The sad part is I was feeding my two-year-old son really well at that point. He was eating mostly vegetables, barely any meat, rarely any sweets, and drinking mostly water. If that wasn't proof that I loved him more than myself, I don't know what is.

And in a lot of ways, I still do love my son more than myself. That will never change. But part of this process is remembering that your wellness needs to come first. Loving yourself and balancing yourself are so important to keeping your life in harmony. Think of it this way: if you lose yourself, you lose everything else. You don't get to have that family you take care of more than you, or those friends. The connection you have to all the things you care about is you; taking care of that connection ensures you can keep taking care of what you love.

With this realization, I woke up one day and started my work. That was one year and 60 pounds ago. I am officially in the proper weight class for my height and age, I found a whole new love for athletics, and I am much happier and more free than I have ever been in my whole life.

But why is it so hard for us to turn that switch on? How did I keep going when I started? What did I do wrong at first? Why did it take so long for me to start? I found the answers to all these questions, and I discovered how to beat it.

1. Knowledge

The truth is, there are so many tips, tricks, and fads out there that talk about "how to lose weight," but if you don't actually understand how the body stores and rids itself of fat, you're going to be completely overwhelmed. Doing your research definitely helps you understand what you need to change and how to change. You keep sticking to what you "like" and what you're used to because it's easy. But losing weight isn't hard. There's such a market for it, that making it look harder than it is brings in profit. What's hard is defeating those chemicals your brain gives off when you bite into donuts or a cupcake...but seriously, you don't have to give up feeling good. And that idea of "giving up what you love to look how you want" is another one of those money-making scams, and, frankly, it's ridiculous. The more you research, the more you realize you don't have to sacrifice everything you've grown to have a taste for, you just have to understand more about what you're putting into your body. You have to eat with more wisdom.

In a nutshell, you lose weight by burning more calories than you consume. Which can be hard when you first start, because you're used to eating 2000 plus calories a day. On average, you probably need to be cutting that consumption down by about 500 calories, and adding on at least five minutes of good training and activity daily to start seeing some progress. Do you need to count calories at first? No, it can make you absolutely crazy. But taking the time to pay attention to the numbers and especially the ingredients in the things you're eating will wake you up to the amount of calories you are throwing away each day and you're not even getting totally full. So start by reading, paying attention, and learning. It is the absolute best way to get a proper foot out the door and begin a lifestyle change.

2. Ditch the "diet" plan.

How many times have you seen the phrase "DIETS DON'T WORK!" That's because it's true. Here's why:

You find an interesting new diet to try. Let's say you cut out all carbs for six months, or you only eat soup for three months. Well, you probably won't stick to the diet, you'll get tired of overthinking, your cravings will kick in or you'll just get plain bored. If you do stick to it, you will probably lose weight, maybe even all of the weight you wanted to lose. But then, you'll be off the diet, and you'll turn to the things you were eating before and you will gain every.single.bit.back.

Even these fun fads, like the ketogenic low-carb and more are not sustainable. Your body needs carbs. You can't only eat soup for the rest of your life. You don't need a diet. You need to live your life and enjoy eating. No, you absolutely don't have to pick between a juicy hamburger and a bland kale salad that you don't even like. What would be the point? You would be frustrated and unhappy. So, you like burgers? Great, use that! Learn how to make healthier juicy burgers for yourself that you will actually like. No, do not make some disgusting wheat grass and flax meal burger that tastes like sand and tell yourself that is what it means to "eat healthy." Make a turkey burger with less cheese and spinach for "lettuce." Use sugar-free condiments and experiment with toppings. Incorporate more vegetables. Use whole wheat buns, or jazz up a portobello mushroom bun. Make it fun, experiment, and make it something you actually like.

You want to start tweaking everything you like to fit a healthier lifestyle without sacrificing your life. This is sustainability. You're not looking for a quick three-month-fix so you can go back to how things were, you will never keep weight off this way. What you need is a forever change. Keeping delicious foods that make you happy, and being mindful of the amount of junk you used to eat. It's a happy balance.

3. Habits & Control

No one is perfect and life is short. I still eat a chocolate bar every now and then. The difference is, eating a chocolate bar out of your three-year-old's Halloween stash and needing to buy a package of chocolate bars, or needing to binge on a toddler's entire Halloween bag of candy. The hardest part about weight loss and fitness is finding limits and breaking habits. I know a lot of people will say: "life is short, I will eat what I want." And that's great. But being trapped in a prison of habits you can't break that give you a weight problem is definitely making sure that "life" you pretend to be "living up" by not having control of what you eat sure isn't being lived to the best of your capability. Now, you have this wonderful, "short" life to live and you're unhealthy, unhappy, and bogged down by lack of control.

Food is connected to our emotions, our survival, our entertainment, our relationships, and our memories. Food is our life. It's so important that we find a way to have a healthy relationship with it.

-Habits & Addictions

It takes 21 days to break a habit. If you feel you really have a deep-seeded problem and you can.not.stop, take 21 days. It will NOT be easy. It's a detox. Drink sodas every day? Start your 21 days of no sodas now. Sweet tooth? Start your 21 days of absolutely no sugar. Once you break those addictions, you can go back to number 2 on this list, and start finding ways to enjoy the things you like without the burden of "needing" a fix. I started with 21 days of no sodas, no sweet tea, and no fried or fast food. That turned into 30 days...then 60...then forever. After the addiction was out of my system, I found that those things actually didn't smell, look or even taste that great. My body was addicted to the sugars and chemicals I got when I did eat them. Nothing about them truly helped or satisfied me in a way that was good enough to keep ingesting them. I haven't had soda, deep-fried food, or a tea that wasn't unsweetened in over a year...and honestly, since detoxing, I haven't missed any of them.

Detox is no small thing. You will have headaches, be irritated, have fatigue, and mood swings. But this is all a reminder that it is working. You've made your mind depend on things it never needed, and your body wants that fix so badly that it will push you to your limit to make you go get it. This is the moment where being strong comes in handy.

-Hunger & Cravings

Fasting is also a great way to get in touch with your habits, and regain control. I remember, at some point in my journey, I ate an entire family size bag of chips because they were there. I knew the next day, I needed to go on a full-day fast to clear my head and focus on what it felt like to actually be hungry versus needing to binge. Fasts help me get clarity on portion control, as well. Here's how it works: What I noticed is that a majority of us don't actually understand what it means to be hungry. By fasting, we can take time to listen to our bodies, understand what it means and what it feels like to crave something or to be hungry.

If you feel that you might be hungry and you're looking for something crunchy, soft, or chewy: you aren't hungry! It's a craving. You might even actually only be thirsty (sometimes our addictions make our mind confuse the two) This is a good time to guzzle water, go on a walk or just grab an apple (if you aren't fasting to learn more about your habits). If you feel that you might be hungry and you would eat anything that was sitting in front of you at that moment, you are actually hungry! Take note of that feeling, there's a huge difference. Once you fast for a day, and realize that you can make it a day without eating, you realize that you never needed to overeat as much as you thought, and you never needed half the indulgences you gave into. Make sure you research how to safely fast so that you are not harming yourself.

-Portion Control

Eating slowly can help you pay attention to the fact that getting full actually happens a lot quicker than you think. Drinking plenty of water before you eat and after you eat, but never drinking during, will also play a part in helping you understand when you are full. The goal isn't to always have to do this, but rather, to learn the signs of being full or really hungry and training your mind and your body to communicate better about what it is you actually need.

Staying on the wagon can be hard, but it doesn't have to be as hard as we make it. Don't sacrifice yourself to save yourself...that doesn't even make any sense. Take your time, learn yourself, learn your body, and eat like a human!