The Biggest Testosterone Booster Shakespeare Ever Wrote

Your Memories Change

Honor your memories, no matter how they come to you. See if your memories still hold up. Break the cycle of negative behaviors. Allow new passions to manifest.

I am standing in my own way right now. If I overcame myself, I would be more successful. I would have more money in the bank, and set aside for my future. I can't imagine what is going to happen to me if I don't figure my shit out. What happens to old women, who have no children to take care of them, nor have enough money set aside for their retirement?

I am my own obstacle. I have ideas which are pretty scattered. But my most pressing current obstacle is my work situation. I do not need to convince myself of this.

"Security Gives Way to Conspiracy"

Summer of 2000, we did Julius Caesar in the Park, the biggest testosterone booster Shakespeare ever wrote. And I am head of security. The first day of rehearsal, a cast of 36 shows up at the stage door. Only six were women, and only two of the fellas were gay. How do you like those odds? This was going to be a good summer for me.

I had been working in visitor services at the American Museum of Natural History. I had my own cubicle and an assistant. And yes, I did see Neil deGrasse Tyson around, quite a bit actually. And let me tell you, being able to walk around that place when it was closed to the public, was truly amazing. It wasn't to where I had expected my career to turn, but the grandeur of the building and the organization was quite fascinating. I was also making the most money I had ever earned, still to this day.

I had also been working at the Theater, evenings and weekends, since 1997. It was my passion, and I enjoyed it so much. It would take me six minutes to get from my Museum desk to Shakespeare in the Park.

But here's the rub, if you worked at the Theater during this particular production, you automatically had a crush on two people. Those two people had a crush on two other people, so of course, neither of them were you. I thought the odds were going to be in my favor, like at my university, where the ratio of men to women was 5:1! This was exponentially frustrating.

An actor friend, who I was totally (still) crushing on, asked what was holding me back from pursuing the arts. I insisted that I had bills to pay, including my student loans. Forget your student loans, he told me. There will always be bills to pay, but if you pursue what you're truly passionate about, your bills will get paid.

What? I knew he was right, but I didn't fully believe him. He wasn't offering to pay my Con Ed bill, or even sleep with me. But of course, he was crushing on a seamstress.

Seven Months Before 9/11

I worked on a Filipino show downtown. The cast was amazing. It was one of those shows where everyone just got along, an amazing experience. We were all out one night: cast, crew, friends-of-friends. We were at that corner spot, right across from CBGB in the East Village. The name escapes me right now. I know that I worked a few Theater parties there, but they changed ownership a number of times.

A director, who remains my friend to this very day, was sort of giving me a pep talk, something to the effect of: the arts are a gift. And not everyone gets that gift. So if you've got it, use it. Don't waste that gift.

Summer 2001 Was Approaching

I was offered the opportunity of working day and evening shifts at Shakespeare in the Park, no health benefits, but lots of overtime. I took a weekend to think about it, but made up my mind pretty quickly. I turned my resignation in to the Museum early that Monday morning. I wanted to test myself to see how long I could work as a part-time/temp in theater.

According to my Linked In profile, that test lasted 19 years, eight months.

And a few saw something in me, I don't know if it was specific or a sense that the artist within me was neither a fictional character, nor made up.