Tarot Cards Calling Out

The art of divination has been present in our world for eons.

Stones, Bones, Crones, and Thrones. Cards, Bards, Prophets Who Tell All.

Tarot is a different way of calling yourself out.

Maintaining checks and balances; widening the horizon of the thoughtful mind.

Wands, Swords, Cups, and Coins.

Every morning I greet the day, do a meditative shuffle of my two Tarot decks and draw a card from each to display on my altar. Introspection has been deep throughout this dreadfully busy year of 2020. I recognize I need to change habits and behaviors. I must only do one at a time to ensure my mental adherence to the difference. Change isn't easy. Nor is it comfortable.

My cards today..

Five of Swords, Upright.

Two of Swords, Upright.

A flash of a wince but then rationality. Swords are more often than not depicted in a negative connotation. Like swords, our lives are double edged in nature. One edge can represent defeat, misfortune, betrayal, and loss; the other suggests learning to accept the boundaries we must face and all live with. But a Five.. that's significant of adjustment, an adjustment brought on by stress or loss. Uncomfortable but necessary. A Two of swords means a stasis. Logic or intellect won't lead to the path of answers. Sometimes blind faith is required in life.

My communication needs to be clearer. I'm not ready for change but honestly when is anyone really prepared for this kind of situation..?

Undoubtedly the cards called out my reluctance to stop smoking cigarettes among other bad habits such as my lust for Redbull's delightful battery acid burn and zingy analgesic properties of alcohol. Financial strategies aren't a very strong forte either. Again, I'm a work in progress.

I know...It's not easy nor pain free. I know I'm not alone. I know I can ask for help..

But I need to be able to focus on the existing world around me as well as the one within me.

Life is a balance.. I'm teetering but fuck, I'm still standing and I don't plan on giving up any time soon.

Journaling and holding myself accountable appears to be an adequate method of distraction and an okay thing for me to hyper fixate on. Without something for my finger tips to do they wander my skin for bumps and imperfections, picking at my own flesh in attempts to lessen the sensory perception or to calm a stressful tic. I'm not even sure if I can call it a tic..

An unwanted behavior. I'm relearning to control my body. I'm relearning to control my mind.

My brain is a fustercluck of action, doing all the things at once, thinking of all the possible situations the cards could be touching on. I'm fairly sure all of these things should be addressed but I have an overwhelming sense that I need to accomplish these changes sooner rather than later.

Tomorrow is another day. Another card to interpret.

Another breath to draw. Another kiss to place on my baby's lips.

Tomorrow starts a new in this fucked up reality of 2020.

But I know that things like this are temporary. Time flows, people change, governments change, humanity is awakening. I am awakening. With pain on my tail it gets discouraging and my mind becomes a quagmire of hateful thoughts on myself, what ifs, whys-..

Then I force myself to focus on the here and now. What am I feeling now? What do I smell? What do I hear? What do I see?

I see more than I would like to, I feel what others feel if I am not careful in setting boundaries. I hear noise. I hear snores of sleep, purrs from cats, bubbling of boiling water for tea.

I am happier than I have ever been.