Self-Discovery through Fitness

Picture this: You're a 20 year old who has never seriously worked out a day in your life, and you just got dumped by your first serious partner since you started college. School stress, unlimited access to the all-day University meal plan, and grief from the end of your relationship stack up and between your junior year of college and your 24th birthday, you gain almost 70lbs.

Fast-forward two years. After graduating college in 2018, I was accepted to a graduate program in Washington DC. While studying, I met another student in my program and we began dating. I lost 10lbs and gained a great deal of motivation and confidence while we were together because she held me accountable. Then, she graduated and we broke up. I thought I was okay, but I quickly gained that weight back and then some.

In March of 2020, my ex-girlfriend passed away. Her funeral was the day before the shutdown began in our state, and I was devastated. The grief from her loss, from our breakup, and from my previous breakup hit me like a ton of bricks. There was so much that I had not processed yet, and now not only was I grieving, but I had an indeterminate number of months to do nothing but think.

I woke up on the morning of my 24th birthday knowing that something had to change. All quarantine, I'd been watching my sorority sisters, friends, and vaguely familiar Instagram influencers show off their workout routines and how they stayed healthy- physically and mentally- during the lockdown. It hit me that I needed to change my life in order to see the change that I wanted to see.

Twenty-one days ago, I began working out. This is what I learned about myself so far:

1) I am stronger than I think. I began my 21-day program using three-pound weights, and I ended it using fifteens. I never thought I would be able to move up so high, so fast, but I did! It is amazing what your body is actually capable of doing when time and effort is dedicated to doing it.

2) I need something to keep me busy- and that's okay! Working out has provided a distraction and an outlet for my grief and low moods. When I go into a workout feeling unfocused, or depressed, I come out of it with that endorphin high that reminds me that things aren't as grim as I tend to see them.

3) I like celebrating little victories. Maybe I haven't shed the seventy pounds I gained in the last four years, but I can do more crunches, lift heavier weights, and cook better than I could a month ago. Celebrating all of these little victories along the way feels so much better than waiting until the end to celebrate one big one.

4) My physical wellness is connected to my emotional wellness. Even though I'm waking up earlier than I ever have in my life, I don't find myself emotionally or mentally exhausted and taking the beloved zillenial mid-afternoon nap that I was taking almost every day before. Now that

5) I can do anything I put my mind to. They say getting started is the hard part, but I disagree. Starting day one is easy. Showing up for day two is hard. But when I put my mind to it and dedicated the time to getting it done, I showed up not only for days one and two, but for days three through twenty one.

Putting in the work to take care of your physical fitness can teach exactly of what you're capable of. Creating a work out routine taught me so much about myself- what do you think it could teach you about you?