Self Care is For You, Not Your Work

If you're a Millennial like myself, you probably have a good portion of your social media life dedicated to having shared memes. You probably have your fair share of mental health struggles as well because Millennials, am I right?

We're the pioneers of meme-making to mock and highlight the woes of our generation. The original creators of hilarious, relatable content online, and memes (in my opinion) have a highly special place in the heart of our generation. I've looked at many e-gems and enjoyed a heartfelt moment, a relatable emotion or reaction, and laughed many a hard belly laughs.

Shockingly, a meme inspired me to write, too. But first, let's back up a bit so I can explain better.

Ironically, I had been down on myself for quite a while when I came across the meme in question (not the one above) because months ago, I'd been on a writing spree. I was producing article after article, publishing on Vocal weekly and even landing an article in Bi Women's Quarterly. I felt like I was on top of the world and my brain was doing everything I wanted it to correctly. There is nothing better than feeling successful.

Then, my mental health came crashing down, and I was faced with the harsh reality that I had no creative flow anymore. I hated everything I tried to write. Really, even trying to write about how it felt is difficult, because it was the loudest silence my brain had experienced in a long time and recalling it is a huge downer.

I mean, I really beat myself up for it, too. What happened to my writing bug? Why did it leave?

So, I stepped back and tried not to care as much. I attempted to write for Vocal challenges off and on but wasn't happy with anything I produced. I sat back and reflected on my issues, the root of my depression and anxiety, what I felt may liberate me from the root issue, and focused on healing so I could return to my passion of writing. But, even a passion can be like a job sometimes, and I kept finding myself failing over and over. I didn't even realize how much stock I was putting into my self care being for the purpose of my determination to return to my creative glory. It only worsened my mental health, as I felt I'd lost the only thing I was ever confident I had a little bit of a talent for every time a story didn't write well or a plot didn't play out as I wanted.

I stopped trying entirely, and I hated myself for that, too. Why wasn't I able to just freaking write?!

Self care changed drastically for a while. It went from notes about stories and potential articles to non-stop meme scrolling, social media, feel-good videos about animals, and recipe videos (even though I lost my love for cooking, too.) I didn't like it, but it was all I had.

Eventually, I came across a meme that really made me think (I say "meme" but it was actually a tweet that had been screenshot and cropped) and actually opened up a new creative flow for my passion.

I wish I would have saved the original meme, but the meaning was quite clear.

Simply stated, it said, "Self care is not intended for productivity. You are not required to look after yourself for the sake of your job."

Imagine my complete surprise when those words started churning deeply in my philosophically argumentative brain and I realized that the majority of my self care has been for the sake of producing more work with better mental health.

Think about it. What reasons do you have for having set aside self care time? Because you needed the emotional energy for work? Because you wanted what you produced to be better? For others, for yourself? Perhaps you went through a long period of constant writing and produced several pieces, only to hit a snag in your growth just like I did and it made you think, "I probably need some self care so I can get back to writing." "

It's no wonder those of us with mental health challenges struggle so hard to stay afloat. I realized I've been taking care of myself for everyone but me.

And a meme told me this!

Maybe social media isn't all bad all the time if it can do that.

But let's actually talk about mental health and self care in regards to productivity.

I have worked a small variety of jobs: an overnight convenience store worker/doughnut maker, a book seller, call center representative, clerical worker, payday loan store manager, and retail manager to name some. I have ran not-for-profit fundraisers for local charities and announced fashion show models on small runways. Currently, I am a stay-at-home mother and I help to raise a total of four kids. I have experienced a few levels of stress based on various combinations of work hours and amount of children present, and self care has become more vital to me as I get older. I am fortunate enough to have a partner who provides ample time for self care, so my needs do not go unfulfilled, but what about everyone who doesn't have that kind of social support from a partner or even friends?

When you work, whether that's at home or outside of the home with or without a paycheck, finding time for self care is vital to maintain the emotional energy it requires to put in your full day. Of course, you want good mental health to perform your job; others depend on it. However, is self care even useful if you're not applying it for the right reason? Telling someone, "I'm doing a face mask and full skincare routine tonight in the bathroom for three hours," is great in theory, but if you're urging yourself to enjoy every moment for the sake of producing more work as your outcome, aren't you stuck in a pretty vicious cycle at that point?

Self care -> productivity -> burnt out from too much output -> self care -> productivity, and so on...

Will your mental health actually survive that cycle if you continue to focus on your ability to create for the sake of creating and not for the sake of joy?

When you communicate with others, tone accounts for the majority of your statement. It makes the biggest impact in general, with the words you used following in a close second.

When you're providing self care in whatever manner needed, the tone matters as well, and your tone to yourself will change the outcome of your self care and its effectiveness.

Breaking it down into an example: if you're spending twenty minutes on a face mask while thinking of how much you'll accomplish after the self care is completed, how much are you actually enjoying it? You have to stop thinking in terms of what you'll get done when it's over. The enjoyment of self care sets the tone for how long the care is valuable to your mental health. Creating even one sense of "bad juju" during that time is not beneficial to the goal, and the goal should not be your ability to perform better for your job. The goal should be you first, of course!

Shouldn't this be obvious?

Well, to me it wasn't, not until I read a meme. Whatever works. Potato, potato.

The overall message is this:

You deserve the best self care you can give yourself, and you deserve it simply because you are you. Giving your energy to taking care of yourself for the benefit of your work is counterproductive to the overall point of self care. What other reason do you need to take a bubble bath with Netflix on a tablet and a glass of wine? Do you really need to make your work better than you make yourself? Putting your focus on your output is a waste of your time and energy and creates an unfortunate cycle of self care, burn out, and self care again. Skip the burn out step all together and start putting your personal happiness as your priority.

After all, you're the only one who's always with you. Maybe that "you" deserves more attention than you think.