July 10th, 2020:
I moved to Portland, Oregon, on July 10th of this year. The date and location were planned long before the world fell apart.
Upon arriving, my new home became the central hub of protests, put on with the goal of eradicating police brutality. Tensions rose when federal soldiers were deployed to “maintain order.” Every day the media was saturated with horror stories and wounds from battle. For the first time, I saw rubber bullets embedded in the skin of civilians, and bloodshot eyes from tear gas exposure.
This was my first revolution, and it was happening within the grips of a pandemic. I wanted to do my part and use my political voice. I longed to stand next to others with similar mindsets, all united for one cause.
Yet, coronavirus deaths kept piling up, schools were on the verge of opening for the fall, and the virus had ravaged the Portland economy, leaving my girlfriend struggling to find employment.
With so much to prioritize, mental health fell by the waist side. With a lack of hours in the day and the situation at large getting worse, the world's weight was settling on my shoulders and chest. However, it wasn’t my anxiousness that gave me a wake-up call.
August 4th, 2020:
Things came to a head in early August. It was a night like most. Etta (my girlfriend) and I spent the evening watching movies and enjoying each other's company. We stayed up late into the night, and eventually, I took a bathroom break. I returned to find her looking distressed in our bedroom. I approached her and wrapped my arms around her waist before asking what was wrong.
“Do I seem needy?” She asked, and I thought that response was strange. “No.” I told her, “just worried.”
From there, things spiraled out of control very quickly. She clutched my body tight to hers and muttered that she felt as if she was going to pass out.
The whole thing happened in a matter of five seconds. I couldn’t see her face, and I had trouble reading the seriousness of the situation. Even if I could have grasped the reality of it all, I was paralyzed with fear and didn't know what to do.
“Okay,” I said and pulled her close, shifting more weight onto me to try and help. Her body went limp against mine, and I held her up as well as I could. She was heavy, and I braced myself and strained to lay her on our bed. I felt tears welling up in my throat and an intense fear coursing through my body. Her eyes were rolling in her skull, and I shook her to try and bring her back to me. I called her name, and she looked past me. No one was home.
After a few seconds of sheer panic, mixed with sadness and uncertainty, I spotted signs of life in her eyes, and she peered up at me, mumbling a simple phrase.
“I’m so glad to see you again.”
A Solution Found in Moving Meditation
The fainting spell was brought on by a panic disorder. The event forced me to face my own mental health along with hers, and for both of us to work together on a solution. However, it seemed daunting to face our negative thought patterns and to implement more healthy ones.
We started slow and found added enjoyment in the learning process. In the beginning, It’s important not to get bogged down on the details or get caught up in an “all-or-nothing-mentality.”
Many people struggle with an all-or-nothing mentality that tends to shrink their world. This can be true when it comes to meditation. If people can’t find the discipline to sit and meditate for 10 minutes or more a day, they may abandon the idea without a second frustrated thought.
- Lisa Quigley, with the National Academy of Sports Medicine
Etta finds it difficult to sit still and focus her thoughts on her breathing, as seen in traditional stationary meditation. So, when I set out to research and develop a plan, I wanted to include movement. Specifically, I wanted to incorporate various methodical movements and activities that would allow her to check in with herself by doing things that she enjoys anyway.
We humans are fully capable of intuition, sympathy, empathy and compassion. With these capacities, we can learn to create coherence between our hearts and brains.
-Laury Naron, psychotherapist and shamanic practitioner
Here are a few of the things we went with that helped ease our apprehension and increase our sense of well being.
They may not be what is typically deemed meditation, but it allowed us to begin to become in tune with our hearts and minds and to harness our emotions that sometimes seem so overwhelming.
Creating
Moving meditation does not have to center around walking. Instead, any activity that included repetitive movement and did not require too much concentration, I was willing to try.
For Etta, this type of self-care included coloring, drawing, graphic design, and painting. While she crafted the lines and filled black and white worlds with color, I challenged her to focus on releasing her tension and settling into a general calm.
After a session of creating, I would probe her with questions. How did she feel? Were there areas of stress that nagged at her mind during the activity? I found that being creative improved her sense of balance exponentially. When she did face panic attacks, she was better able to identify what was happening and thus could control her bodies reaction.
Activities like creating, often send the participant into a state of Flow.
In positive psychology, a flow state, also known colloquially as being in the zone, is the mental state in which a person performing an activity is fully immersed in a feeling of energized focus, full involvement, and enjoyment in the process of the activity.
- an idea coined by psychologist Mihály Csíkszentmihályi
Flow periods are brought on by utilizing skills that challenge us and allow us to improve. Flow is not limited to any activity; all kinds of actions and environments can induce Flow. I believe it has the same immersive and calming experience as still meditation. Plus, we were able to blend our passions in this project, and Etta designed all the media.
Evening & Morning Walks
I walk every day to get around the city. I never really looked at it as a chance to check in with myself or observe some of my thoughts. So in setting out to change my perspective, I read some articles to get a feel for the process.
Instead of focusing on the breath or a mantra, the sensation of each footstep becomes your grounding force. Similar to a sitting meditation, moving meditation offers a range of incentives, like improved mental clarity and cognitive health.
-Rebecca Dangler A vocal creator and author on furniture design and luxury interiors
When I started, I quickly noticed how dependent I am on digital stimulation. I wanted a podcast or music to fill the silence in my head and stop my anxiety from intruding. When I wasn’t plugged into technology, I found myself focusing more on my surroundings.
I observed the good in the minute details of my community. There were houses with symbols of solidarity; Black Lives Matter signs posted in their windows, and pride flags flapping in the wind. As I passed through the different streets, I got to watch the culture change around me. Each neighborhood fostering its own style, and I cherished the opportunity to be an onlooker.
I heard the hums of passing cars, soft music floating by from restaurants. People on bikes, the click of my shoe against the pavement. The whirl of water and clink of metal as I walk over a manhole cover.
All these elements helped clear my mind, and with every step forward, I felt renewed. I even had surges of creativity and new writing ideas that would bubble and surface from the depths of my mind.
Walks were also great for Etta; we would do them together and just take some time to be silent and reflective on the day. Sometimes we would spend the beginning of the walk talking over our day and venting. Then we would spend the second half focusing on the sensation of our feet on the pavement, the feeling of walking, and how our bodies felt in the moment.
Any areas of stiffness? Pain? Tension? Am I tired today? Do I feel weak? These questions help us analyze our emotions and process them, instead of bottling up the thoughts until its too much.
In the end, we both felt lighter emotionally, and we were nurturing the health of bodies at the same time. Stress and anxiety can often lead to fatigue, and walking got our blood pumping and energy levels back up.
Caring for Plants
Being cooped up inside can become drab and colorless. I found that having house plants made me feel more at ease. It was aesthetically pleasing to see an ivy’s vine draping down my cabinet and a big aloe accenting my desk.
My favorite part of owning plants is caring for them. I love to pick a new pot, placing fresh dirt and little stones for decor. It takes a delicate hand, and it's a very meditative process.
The actual task is very slow and repetitive, which allows me to breathe and focus on what's going on in my head.
The smell of the dirt is grounding. The bright green leaves and droplets of water are beautiful. The process helps silent the world, and gain an appreciation for the little things.
I like to see the roots and how much progress they've made in growing. There are baby leaves beginning their process of unraveling or budding from the vine. I feel accomplished at the end when I get to place them back in their spots and enjoy them revived in their new homes with damp dirt.
Stretching
Often while I am writing or working on school work, I hunch over or sit in a way that leaves my neck stiff. My joints, in general, are rocky, and it's not unusual for me to have pain— remnants of old basketball injuries.
When I notice pain is beginning to set in, I will take a break from concentration and do a full-body stretch. I start by taking a deep breath, monitoring where I am feeling pain or unrest.
I then roll my neck and work down my body. While I am stretching, I turn off my thoughts to the best of ability and focus on my breath. I deepen my breath and utilize a technique called "4-7-8." To do this, breathe in from your nose for four counts with the tongue pressed behind the front teeth. Hold the breath for seven counts, and release from your mouth for eight.
By practicing these deeper rhythms voluntarily we create more effective involuntary patterns of breath integrating the physiological effects into our daily lives. With enough practice, you should begin breathing more deeply without having to give it any extra thought.
I do this for about four breaths and then transition to my natural breathing. After taking a moment to stretch and do some mindful breathing, I feel refreshed, and it leads to more productivity than if I had just powered through the anxiousness. Learning when a break is needed is just as important as possessing the grit to work hard.
Personal Massage
Both Etta and I did this before setting out on our mindfulness journey. I love to massage my own shoulders. I can easily identify the physical manifestations of my stress and work through them. While manually working on the knots of tension in my shoulders, I envision it fading and leaving my body.
It really helps me quantify the help that I am doing and why. I can feel the difference in my shoulders when I am done, and it takes virtually no focus. I can direct my attention to my thoughts and do the work internally.
Moving With Intention
The goal is to be mindful while doing each of these activities. Walk with the mission of observing your thoughts, of feeling your feet on the earth. Remember, it is your grounding force.
When you take a new breath, follow its path through your body; and take note of how it makes you feel. For example, the air is cool and crisp in the morning in Portland, and the sun complements it by warming my skin. When the light hits my chest and shoulders, I imagine it melting the tightness and tension.
There are millions of opportunities to become more in tune with our hearts and gain a better understanding of why we may be anxious. Etta and I had to take the initiative over our own happiness and prioritize peace.
It did not come naturally. We had to make time for self-care and find the meditative characteristics in our daily tasks: cleaning, cooking, walking, breathing, stretching, showering, and so many others. With this line of thinking, anyone can integrate mindfulness into their life and experience a profound peace within the chaos.
About the Creator
RJ
Find me on Instagram at @awriterwhodraws
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