Pre-Pandemic: Then and Now

ME, PRE-PANDEMIC:

I’d like to see if I could write a post (about a memory or subject - memes and stuff wouldn’t count) every day for a year. The writing would actually be the easy part. I mean, I doubt I could come up with enough to write about. I’d run out of things to say after a couple of months!

ME NOW:

It’s kind of adorable that you actually believe it would be possible to run out of things to write about. The list of topics we want (or need) to cover is about 73629 times longer than it was at this time last year.

ME, PRE-PANDEMIC:

Exactly. It’s overwhelming! Where would I even start? I’d love to write about my experiences, but I just don’t have the time! Also - I don’t want to spend what little leisure time I have writing about things that have already happened when I SHOULD be out meeting new people and experiencing new things!

ME NOW:

We don’t do that.

ME THEN:

That’s irrelevant. Before I could do that I would need to catch up on my sleep. 😴💤

ME NOW:

Yeah. About that. What if (hypothetically speaking, of course!) there were to be a global pandemic that made it necessary for you to take an extended leave of absence from the giant festering Petri dish that is public middle school and you instead had to work from home (or not at all) because the stress of teaching while trying to avoid contracting a potentially deadly virus could mess with your body’s immune system thereby putting you at EVEN GREATER risk of catching said virus and/or completely going off the rails......?

ME THEN:

I thought we didn’t write fantasy fiction?

Also, when did we become a germophobe?

ME NOW:

Hold on......and you couldn’t go around other people or touch things they’d touched or really do much of anything but hang around the house for an indefinite period of time but at least, like, eight months.....

ME THEN:

You had me at “not work at a public middle school”.

ME NOW:

Wait - not done. ....and you had to super-conserve money BUT you were able to get some needed rest and de-stress and do a bunch of not-expensive things you’ve always wanted to to? Like read a lot and learn some things you’ve always wanted to learn? Like how to read German (but not really be able to speak it), and learn the meanings of tarot cards, and how to do that sloppy, modern kind of calligraphy...?

ME THEN:

Oddly specific and HIGHLY unlikely, but I’ll humor you. Go on.

ME NOW:

Would you write?

ME THEN:

Well, everything you just mentioned sounds fun...

ME NOW:

At this point we’re eight months into this (extremely far-fetched) scenario. You’ve already done all those things. Would you write then?

ME THEN:

Sure...probably. But if I had all that free time I could order a bunch of stuff online and go on a major crafting spree! Or I could buy everything I’d need for a home gym and use the time to get fit! OR, I could take some online courses or even go back to college online and retrain for a career that doesn’t crush my soul on a daily basis....

ME NOW:

We’re ON LEAVE! ...in this purely hypothetical situation, anyway. We have no income. We can’t spend a lot of money.

ME THEN: .....

ME NOW:

You’ve already done everything there is to do. You’ve already read all the books. Watched all the Netflix. Your only other option would be to clean the house.

ME THEN:

Don’t threaten me.

ME NOW:

Seriously. The only option left is to clean. Or cook.

ME THEN:

Isn’t this extortion?

ME NOW:

Great! We’re in agreement. Can I ask a favor?

ME THEN:

Sure...?

ME NOW:

Go to Walmart, or Target, or wherever. Buy all of the disinfectant wipes, spray disinfectant, hand sanitizer, and toilet paper you can find. Do it now. Today.

ME THEN:

???

ME NOW:

Also, while we have the money, get an inexpensive sewing machine, a variety of cute fabric (but not more than a yard of each) and about 500 of the thinnest elastic hairbands they have. Or several bags of craft loops. Either/or.

ME THEN:

But we don’t even.....

ME NOW:

Please just do it. Okay? Please?

ME THEN:

I guess. When did we get so demanding?

ME NOW:

Also, get a haircut.

ME THEN:

??!

ME NOW:

See you in eight months.