One month sober and sugarless - how I'm feeling

I've made it to 31 days free of processed sugar and booze, so I wanted to document how it's been and how I'm truly feeling about it all. Not just for my own reflective purposes, but in case this account helps anyone else who is thinking of cutting either of these things out of their lives for a while to decide whether they want to or not.

If that person is you then firstly you have to know that it's doable as I'm doing it. Literal living proof. I've cut booze and processed sugar from my lifestyle for 31 days and I'm still here, I haven't internally combusted or died of shame. I'm actually really proud of myself. Secondly you have to know that even though I'm still here I'm not going to pretend that it's not a big challenge. It's been an adjustment not only in the way I have to shop and the food and drinks choices I can make, but also in the way I need to approach social situations and how I manage my own mind. Let me take you through where I'm at.

NO BOOZE

Let's start with the one that's currently been the easiest for me - no alcohol. I've only managed to end up in a handful of situations where booze would have usually been my weapon of choice. They were all with either family or friends that I felt comfortable saying no to, or on a day where it was socially acceptable for me to refuse (most people are cool with you saying you'll have a soda water on a Sunday because it's a school night). Having supportive family and friends has made this experience far easier and I'm massively grateful for those who have been helping me stick to my goals. It's meant that even though I've gone without alcohol I haven't felt left out, and that's been so important in making sure I haven't completely shut myself away in my flat for the whole of January.

With that in mind, it also helps enormously that it's January and so many of us at the moment are taking part in dry Jan after an indulgent holiday season. The tide is changing however. With February comes with it more social events where people are back on the booze, and whilst I don't miss it now I wonder how I'll feel when I'm in the middle of a group of half cut people and I'm the only one who isn't.

NO PROCESSED SUGAR

I've struggled with what to call this. No processed sugar, no added sugar, no refined sugar. Whatever you call it, basically if I've seen sugar on the ingredients list of any food, I haven't been eating it. I have had natural sugars such as honey, maple syrup and even coconut sugar in the odd alternative snack. I've also kept fruit in my diet and it's juices. But I haven't ventured into sweeteners or sugar replacements such as glucose, dextrose and aspartame. It felt like cheating and so I've tried to steer clear of them.

I have found quitting sugar incredibly hard. Not just because I'm a sugar addict (that's the whole reason I'm trying to lay off the stuff for a while) but because it's in everything that's convenient. Obviously most take out food is not only a more unhealthy choice but they're covered in sauces that more than likely have sugar in especially if they're tomato based, so they're all pretty much no nos. But when it comes to other quick lunch or dinner options from prepackaged sandwiches and soups to salad dressings and bread, so much of what we buy straight from the supermarket has added sugar in it and it's beyond frustrating. I couldn't believe it when I tried to make my own sandwich for lunch one day and whilst buying ingredients I found that the majority of cooked chicken has brown sugar in it. The bread had caramelised sugar in to give it colour. For even the simplest things you're made to search through the aisles just to find one that hasn't got sugar in it and then it's marked up massively in price because of it.

Beyond the annoyance at lack of convenience, I've really started to see the gap that sugar is leaving in my life. In the past I would love nothing more than an evening at home where I would snuggle up in a blanket on the sofa, put on a box set, and eat my way through whatever chocolate or biscuits or cake I had in the house. I'd have a diet coke to wash it all down with and I would feel good for a little while. Then I'd crash because of all the sugar I'd just consumed, then not be able to sleep when I went to bed, and I'd hate myself in general for the way I looked and for the fact that none of my clothes fit. Now I put on the TV, watch for a bit, realise I feel sad and maybe a bit lonely and restless and feel like I need to get it out of my system by doing something creative like writing this but I feel too knackered to do it, so mindlessly watch a bit more TV and then go to bed annoyed. The lack of sugar is exposing the fact that I'm not getting as much pleasure or emotional comfort from sitting on the sofa watching TV as I once thought I was.

My energy has levelled out but rather than feeling full of beans I feel permenantly tired. Having done this challenge for a month before but in the summer I'm partly putting this down to the lack of daylight, as I definitely didn't feel this tired previously. And you may think it's because I'm not getting enough nutrients but I'm eating balanced and healthy meals. I constantly feel a sense of tired that I can't shake, but being a night owl and then trying to get up early to exercise hasn't quite worked (I'm not exercising and am also sleep deprived, double whammy!) and I think that's now catching up with me.

OVERALL - HOW I FEEL

I feel proud. I feel pleased and happy with my accomplishment so far. I feel tired. I feel like no sugar is really making me feel my feelings and is starting to reveal things I'm not happy with in my life which is both hard and good. I feel four pounds lighter which is nice after being at the heaviest weight I've been in my entire life. I feel angry at food producers for putting added sugar in EVERYTHING. But mainly I feel amazed at how much this is becoming purely a challenge in mind management.

I've had to really catch what I'm telling myself about this challenge. I've always said that this is an experiment and I stand by that - I'd like to try for a year but after two or three months if I don't think it's adding any value to my life then I may decide to quit or to modify the experiment. Let some sugar back in, have a drink, see how it changes my mindset and approach to sugar and booze. But I'm already giving myself an out. I've done a month, I deserve a treat, right? I could just have one almond croissant now that I've finished January to celebrate. One of those chocolates in the sweet tin under my bed from Christmas wont hurt as a reward? Or, I could realise that I need to change my thinking around seeing food as a celebratory treat and find rewards in other ways.

How I think will be how I continue this experiment, and as I sit here writing this on 31st January 2020 with the rest of the year ahead of me, it seems like I've got some serious work to do.

S xx