New Experience in my Life

Over the next few years, I began to have new experiences, open-

ings, a growing awareness that did not fit into my former rational

framework. In college, I studied psychology and got involved in some

encounter groups and sensitivity training groups that, in addition

to allowing me to release old emotional pain, led me to new feelings

of love, joy, and oneness with all. I studied dance and discovered that

some higher force had taken over and was moving me in an aban-

doned and thrilling way.

I had always been interested in Eastern philosophy, so I read

books about Buddhism and Hinduism. I practiced yoga and med-

itation and found that they helped me feel more centered, relaxed,

and in tune with myself. After graduating from college I spent two

years traveling around the world, living for several months in India,

where I gained a deep awareness of the eastern mystical tradition.

My travels were a powerful experience for me because with little

money and no real plans, I lived by following my intuition. I had

set off originally for a vacation in Italy and ended up making a

two-year journey around the world. I learned that I could live hap-

pily with virtually no possessions and move safely into unknown

places. This was one of my earliest experiences of the synergistic

things that happen when we trust our inner guidance and follow

the flow of our energy

Getting Conscious

When I returned to the United States, I was hooked on some-

thing called “consciousness.” I couldn’t have defined what it was

but I knew that I wanted more of it and that for me, nothing else

mattered as much as my process of personal growth. I felt that if

I pursued external goals such as career, money, or relationships,

they would ultimately feel empty, whereas if I devoted myself to

my own development I would ultimately have the things that my

sense of abundance, and that it would all come about in a more

satisfying way.

I was motivated not only by my yearning to find greater ful-

fillment in my own life, but by a strong desire to make a contribu-

tion toward positive change in the world and in other people’s

healing and happiness.

I moved to the San Francisco Bay area, which I recognized as

the forefront of the so-called “human potential movement,” and

plunged into the earnest pursuit of knowledge, wisdom, healing,

and transformation. I took classes and workshops, avidly read new

books, meditated, and talked constantly to others involved in the

same process. After reading Handbook to Higher Consciousness by

Ken Keyes, I went to live at his center in Berkeley where we worked

on our growth intensely, day and night, for a year. After that, I con-

tinued to live communally for several years with others who were

involved in an intensive personal development process. During this

time, I did whatever I could to make enough money to live on —

housework, office work, odds and ends — while I focused on my

real work.

Since that time, over twenty-five years ago, my life has been

dedicated to my growth and evolution as a conscious being. I grad-

ually came to understand that becoming more conscious meant

becoming more aware of all that was taking place within me and

around me, how my inner world affected my outer world and vice

versa. I realized that the more awareness I have, the more choice I

have in how I create or respond to the circumstances of my life.

When we are relatively unconscious, we simply do what we’ve

always done, not realizing there is any other way. As we gradually

become more aware, we begin to recognize that other options exist

and we can make other choices in how we live.

At first, I imagined that this process involved a straight line

from A to B, A being the darkness of ignorance, and B being full

“enlightenment.” The goal was to move from A to B as directly as

possible. If we were dedicated and fortunate enough to achieve

enlightenment, we would have completed the process; we would be

radiant beings, always filled with light, love, and wisdom.

Eventually, I understood that consciousness is an ever-

unfolding, deepening, and expanding process with no end point.

We are infinite and complex beings, and our human journey

involves not just a spiritual awakening, but the development of all

levels of our being — spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical —

and the integration of all these aspects into a healthy and balanced

daily life.

I’m getting ahead of myself, however, so back to my story.

My Name

People often ask me about my name so I thought I’d pause here

and tell you about it.

While in India, I became very fascinated with the Hindu reli-

gion and began to study it. I had not been raised as a Christian,

and that religion had never held much interest for me. I liked some

of the ideas in Buddhism a lot, but it seemed a bit intellectual to

me. The myths, symbols, and deities in the Hindu religion touched

me in a deeper place in my soul. It is a very complex religion and

I don’t even pretend to understand it, but I grasped a few things.

In the Hindu religion there is a trinity of three main deities

that symbolize three aspects of life. Brahma is the creator, Vishnu

is the preserver, and Shiva is the destroyer. Shiva represents the

constant changing of the universe, the fact that everything must

constantly be destroyed in order to be reborn. He reminds us that

we must constantly let go of everything we hold on to, in order to

flow with the motion of life. Many of his fervent devotees give up

home and possessions and wander freely, abandoning themselves

to following and trusting the energy of the universe. Shiva is also

known as Nataraj — the Lord of the Dance (literally, the Lord of

Rhythm). They say that it is his dance that keeps the universe in

motion. He is depicted as a very beautiful and powerful man with

long flowing hair. (It is said that out of his hair flows the holy

Ganges river.) I felt irresistibly drawn to him.

Shakti is the feminine aspect of Shiva. The word “shakti”

means “energy” — the energy that everything in the universe is

made of. It is the energy of life — the life force running through

our bodies. It also means “female energy.” In the Hindu practice

of Tantra, there are techniques for enlightenment through chan-

neling one’s sexual energy. In this practice, the man is referred to as

Shiva and the woman as Shakti.

When I returned from India I met, and for several years lived

with, my friend Marc Allen. He didn’t think my previous name fit

me and, knowing of my “love affair” with Shiva, he began calling

me Shakti. I liked it and began using it. At the time, I don’t think

heart desired such as loving relationships, meaningful work, and a

when I was dancing, I would often have an exhilarating feeling, as if