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My New Year Promises to Myself

A love letter

By Lucia Carretero SierraPublished 2 years ago 7 min read
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Since early December I have gone back and forth trying to write the perfect New Year's resolutions. Being on the verge of the big thirty is making me feel like I need to turn my life around and get my things in order. So for over five weeks I have just been writing and deleting things off my to-do list for the new year. I thought I actually had the final list, and then I woke up yesterday with the certainty of someone's who's just seen the light and I sat down for two hours and wrote the following (and definite) promises to myself for this 2022.

My moment of clarity? I thought about all the things that keep me up at night.

I promise I will be a little bit more responsible with money

Change, of course, does not happen overnight, and I don't have big expectations when it comes to being more responsible with spending my small monthly salary. But, there are times, (I am sure you have felt them too), where you are about to spend money on something you know you don't need, and there are a few seconds before you're about to tap your credit card on the card machine, where your mind goes 'are you sure?'. This year I promise to listen to those three words and make a conscious choice to acknowledge that voice inside of me that knows what is good for me.

I promise I will try to call my parents more

Me and my parents don't talk on the phone, like, at all. I moved to a different country when I had just turned 18, and have been living independently since then. We have a WhatsApp group where we occasionally give each other updates and share cat gifs. If I am feeling frisky I'd even send a voice note to update them on my life adventures, but day to day talking? It's just never been for me (or them). But growing up means being aware of the temporality of things, and the fragility of life. And even though my present self would cringe at the idea of video calling my dad and asking about what he is making for lunch, I know that the Lucia in ten years would hold on to all of these memories like the precious treasure they should be. So I promise that, when the thought comes of calling my parents and seeing what they're up to, I will actually pick up the phone and dial.

I promise I will be more authentic

Do you know what else keeps me up at night? The regrets. The things I should have said, but didn't. The things I did say, even if they weren't necessarily true. The times where I went along with something I knew wasn't for me, or the times I didn't set a necessary boundary because that would have been more hard work than actually ignoring my needs. This year I promise that I will try my best to go deep inside, to the place where our wisdom is infinite, and I will ask my true knowledgeable Lucia, 'Is this true?' 'Is this what you want?' If I don't get an enthusiastic yes, then it's normally a no.

I promise to take myself for a walk whenever I feel anxious

Do you also work from home? If so you're probably aware of that feeling of the walls being too small. They're definitely not big enough to hold all parts of you. The you that sits behind a screen and nods endlessly at the zoom call. The you that tries to write a captivating story for your readers to enjoy. The you that forgot to buy milk the day before and now can't have her morning coffee. The you that invites a date for dinner and puts on some beautiful laungerie.

For me, it has been very difficult at times to keep a sane head, and for some time, I felt like I tried it all. It is such a trend nowadays to do yoga or meditation at home, and it is just not for me. My active and imaginative brain won't allow me to ever ease into it.

What I have found works, is to get my headphones, put an audible book on, my walking boots, gloves, and hat, and go walk my anxiety off for an hour. Not only this is an excellent way to exercise and keep the body active, but it also soothes my anxiety. Listening to an audiobook while also seeing some nature while I walk through the park, brings my nervous system back to its normal levels and I can go back home full of energy again.

Have you figured out what works for you yet?

I promise to involve life planning in my self-care days

We hear it and see it everywhere. Having a 'self-care day' is normally just imagined as a face mask, a bubble bath, and a glass of wine. It is surely nurturing for your body and your mind, but I would like to take it a step further, and also think about the Lucia of the future. I also want to nurture her, by already anticipating ways that I can take care of her. I promise to set an hour every time I do a self-care day, and before I start my chilling and pampering session, I want to ask myself the questions.

'How responsible have I been paying my debts?' 'How have I been taking care of myself recently?' 'How have my eating habits been?' 'When was the last time I went to the doctor's for a check-up?' 'What can I do today, to make life easier for the Lucia of next month?'

I promise to be more conscious of my phone use

If you are a bedtime scroller, you know the nightmare that is the endless universe of 'just one more video', 'just five more minutes, 'oh let me research about whale sounds'. I could sit here and tell you that I am going to promise myself that I will leave my phone out of the bedroom, but I am most likely not going to do that. Part of making this New Year resolution's list is to write things that I am willing to work on.

Maybe the nights where I feel most active or anxious, I'll be able to recognize that, and make a conscious decision to not use my phone before bed, and read a book instead, or listen to a meditation when I finally put the duvet over me and forget about the outside world.

I, however, make a conscious decision to be aware of my phone use, how much do I use it, and exactly at what times do I scroll. Is it out of boredom? Sadness? Curiosity? And then I'll sit with that feeling, and see if I can do something else instead that will serve the same purpose.

I promise that I will set time to worry

If you save your worries for bedtime, you know it can feel like there's no escape. I can sometimes be lying awake for hours, going over the same thought from different angles. It is exhausting. So I promise myself that from today on, I am going to set an alarm to allow myself to worry for ten minutes a day. Probably around three in the afternoon, when it's time for another break from work and tea. I'll just sit and allow my mind to overflow with the 'what if', 'but what about' etc, and when the time is up, I'll save any remaining worries for the following day at the same time.

I promise I will pray every night

No, I am not religious. Although my grandparents were, and they would always force me to pray at night, I grew up thinking that it was all a waste of time and became an atheist. But I must admit that recently when I have felt like I needed certain things to happen in my life, I have needed to pray. Not for any specific god to hear, not for the stars to align and grant me my wishes, but for myself. To say out loud that I am very grateful for the things that I do have. For the bed that I can comfortably sleep on. For the dreams that did come true. And then I mention the dreams that are still to arrive, the partner that I hope to meet, and the health that will surround me and my loved ones. By asking for things out loud, I feel like I set an intention while having a little one-to-one with myself.

And you? What keeps you up at night?

Write it down. Work on it. See how you can make your sleeping environment a safer and more comfortable place. Explore what steps you can take through the day to make your worries smaller, your regrets non-existent, and your mistakes just learning processes.

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About the Creator

Lucia Carretero Sierra

I romantizise my life out of proportion and then write about it.

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