My first meditation was a hectic one. When I first meditated, it was out of pain. I was going through a very tough time mentally and emotionally. I dealt with a very close loss. The people around me refused to truly understand where I was coming from. I didn’t enjoy things anymore. My favorite food became disgusting. I stopped seeing interest in interesting things. I literally felt as if I no longer wanted any part of life anymore. The day I finally partook in meditation, it just so happened to be the last day I wanted to be here. On a morning walk, I was greeted by a monk who could see the pain in my face. There’s a Buddhist temple not too far from where I reside and the monks would take walks all over the neighborhood so it wasn’t surprising to see him, even as early as it was that day considering that it was about a quarter to 7 in the morning. He took me to his temple and into a room where they all meditated. The only person that spoke was the abbott of the temple. He explained meditation and that I was in search of something only I knew. He asked me to meditate. I asked him “how would I know if I did it right”. He answered “when you cry”. I meditated for hours. To be honest, I was confused. I didn't know exactly what the end result was supposed to be. Was I suppose to see anything special? Was I suppose to hear a voice? Do I communicate if I do hear a voice? What did the abbott mean by “until you cry”? Are we all supposed to cry after each and every meditation? I had so many questions. I asked so many questions that I ran out of questions to ask. I had more questions after talking to the abbott than before meeting him. At that time, what else did I have to lose? I tried everything else.
My mind was finally quiet. That's when it happened. I began to feel an overwhelming flow of emotion. Thoughts that I'd never thought before began to manifest in my head. The light show made it even more overwhelming. I seen rainbows all around me and it felt as if I'd been removed from my body and placed in an ocean of bliss. The colors I seen that day were colors I still can’t describe to this day. I can tell you that they weren’t apart of the typical rainbow that we all would see after the rain. All the weight that I struggled to removed disappeared. After a while, I heard a female's voice tell me to come back.
When I opened my eyes, it felt as if I'd just came back from vacation. You know the feeling of coming back to a familiar place but it feels as if its the first time arriving there? That's how I felt. I felt reintroduced. My face was wet from the tears flowing from my eyes during meditation. When I looked at the clock, I'd realized I was in meditation for two and a half hours. It felt like I was gone for about 20 minutes. The feeling of being pure was so strong, I almost became arrogant because of it. The meditation that followed quickly humbled me. If I could sum up my first meditation in one word, that one would be one. I no longer felt separated from myself. I realized that I didn’t even know myself well enough to be done with the world. The world didn’t even know me well enough to be done with me. I felt that there was so much to do now. I had new goals to accomplish. There was new growth for me to achieve. For the very first time in my life, I felt that there is actually someone rooting for me to win. If I left now, I would be disappointing that one person. Now, I refuse to go until the world sees and feels all of me. I try my best everyday to make an incredible difference for someone else. My main purpose is to show every single soul that fhe world isn’t too much for them but the other way around. You each are Universes living on a small planet. Its ok to expand.