My experience with postpartum psychosis

I was born in 1986 and conceived for the absolute first time in 2020,at the age 34 or so. The father of the child, however not exceptionally convincing, was there all through the pregnancy, as much as he possibly could and however long he could tame his carnal impulses. Bless his heart.

Things had been fine, essentially according to me, until I was dropped off at the hospital. The abrupt hang-up stunts, the unforeseen silent treatment that even led to him blocking me on his phone, left me spinning. Bamboozled. The complete turnaround in his behaviour in under 24 hours came as a total shock to me, so much that I was numb the majority of my visit at the hospital.

Despite the fact that I felt like I was going crazy, and even though I was running on autopilot the remainder of the time, I naturally maintained a level of control to guarantee a fruitful delivery of the child. This, I can liken to one trying their best not to slip into a coma. I zeroed in on the upcoming C-section and that the both of us endure the difficulties that come with meds like epidurals as per the many stories told. We made it through the surgery and needed to stay three more days in the facility, and since it was a public hospital (in South Africa), there was a sizable amount of events that took place to keep my psyche occupied some time longer.

In the scenario where I had been given the opportunity and energy to be on my own in a tranquil spot, similar to how I would in my Zen rehearses, I think I would have long noticed a shift in my mind. I had dissociated completely with the real world, and since what I had seen to be genuine appeared to not have existed by any stretch of the imagination. I could not relate at all with what lied ahead of me. Anxiety kicked in. I was nervous and could make sure to stop, numb out and trust that ‘it’, the circumstance, will sort itself out. I mean, I had had no time to preampt myself into thinking that "I can do this". Nothing checked out. None of my plans included contigency plans to issues of that nature. Just to give an image of the size of the overpower that came over me.

Fast forward to today, I have accepted that I am now taking medication for mental health. I have also read that it can take two to three years to heal. My [atience is unwavering. I have started noticing my breath again (yes, I used to hold it in and hope to die). Also, I think postpartum psychosis is usually the final straw to a problem that was lying dormant way before.

Thank you for reading this far, if you have. I will be telling more about this in my upcoming content.

It's evident that I have been through a challenging and complex journey. My desire is to help others who are like me. Postpartum psychosis can be an incredibly distressing and disorienting experience, and it's important to acknowledge and address the impact it has had on your mental health.

The sudden and unexpected change in the father's behavior, combined with the physical and emotional stress of giving birth and the challenges that come with it, seem to have contributed to triggering my condition. For you, it could have been something else. I urge you to sum up the courage to seek medical help. Take care of your mental health. Taking steps towards healing and recovery is a significant and courageous endeavor even for your children.

My experiencing dissociation, anxiety, and the feeling of not being able to relate to reality highlights some of the common symptoms of postpartum psychosis. The path to recovery can indeed take time, as I’ve mentioned, and it's important to give yourself the necessary space and resources to heal.

Acknowledge the connection between postpartum psychosis and underlying issues or other triggers. Mental health conditions can often be influenced by a combination of various factors, including personal history, genetics, life events, and hormonal changes. Addressing these underlying factors through therapy, medication, and other forms of support can contribute to a more comprehensive healing process.

Healing is a gradual process, and it's important to continue reaching out for support, whether through medical professionals, therapy, or a support network of friends and family.

I do struggle to find someone to talk to, that’s why I shared my story here. My journey towards recovery is a testament to my strength and resilience.