I was a people-pleasing, go-getting, workaholic and rather than show my vulnerability to coworkers, friends or family, I became a professional feelings hider. I worked in a demanding industry that threatened termination if you “couldn’t do the job” and learnt that wasn’t your capability of doing the job, but in fact, what are you willing to sacrifice for the job.
Time. Time is always sacrificed. By dedicating the majority of my effort to my career, it left very little time for myself. I was making an annual six figures, buying what I wanted, invited to fancy parties, offered the most expensive alcohol and drugs (and the not so expensive), but everything I gained or earned by losing time was fleeting and I still felt empty.
Fast forward five years of this life. My career was booming! Everything else was not. I was in the worst shape of my life in all ways: mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically. Everyone kept saying how amazing I was at the job, but their compliments, though appreciated, felt fake at times, especially when they came from a place that helps their own benefit, giving me the responsibility without the support and it will still get done.
Evitability, this style of life lead to a mental breakdown.
I took six months off to get back to me. Learn, feel, experience and slow down to enjoy my time. While this was a good start, worry has a funny way of creeping back in. Instead of using those six months to heal; I partied. I figured I deserved this time off to live my life and I did! I travelled around the country, visiting with friends and family, seeing sights I was procrastinating on seeing. I did everything I wanted to do, but never did. I STILL felt empty.
Now I was in debt from “living my best life” and feeling no better; so I decided to take a stepdown and return to my industry in what I was hoping would be a less stressful job. I was making money again, making excuses again and still empty.
I was sourcing out spiritual healing, therapy, naturopathic remedies, vitamin IVs, personal training, hypnotherapy, massage therapy, sensory deprivation, cold press juices, charcoal facemasks, supplements, specialty diets – anything I could throw money at to help fill me.
I realized I was so focused on “fixing” myself, I forgot the way to solve empty, is to fill it. For my 2020 goal, I was focusing on myself.
I was still working, but being more vocal about what I needed. I made a list of things that made me happy and a lot of those things didn’t cost any money, but DID cost time. I took the pressure of “being there” for everyone, relied that if anyone needed me, they would reach out, but for now, I needed myself. I did the things that made me happy.
Then “the Great Pause” hit. Fear, anxiety and the unknown raged; I found myself on a forced hiatus. Forced to sit with myself. Forced to take a break from work and have no more excuses filling myself.
I had new breakthroughs, large surges of healing and understanding in a very short time because I was granted the most magical gift of all, time! And with it, I took a long, hard look at my career. It took all my thought, my heart, my patience, my effort; leaving a hollow shadow of my former self to use coping substances or devices to show up to a party I don’t care about. What was I doing?!
I have found love in the mundane, bliss in the simplicity and moments of meditation no matter where I am in my day. Lead mediation podcasts, music, nature ambiance or hemi-sync sounds help: while washing the dishes, I dance; while folding the laundry, I practice deep breaths and on walks, I meditate.
TAKE A THINK ON THIS...
Set and setting are always important during meditation. Would you prefer a walk in the rain or sunshine? Does it have to be outside, or could you wander a museum, gallery or mall? What is comfortable to wear for this walk? Ask yourself these questions. Choose something to listen to in your headphones, or listen to the sounds around you if you prefer. I like to listen to music.
I used to be a shy individual in my adolescence and still suffer from anxiety. I found I had to “pump myself up” before leaving the house at times. I would like to start the mediation a little unconventionally…
PUMP UP TRACK – to stretch and begin awareness to your body.
“Larger Than Life” Backstreet Boys
Let it speak to you...
“All you people can't you see, can't you see…How your love's affecting our reality…Every time we're down…You can make it right…And that makes you larger than life.”
WALKING MEDITATION WARM-UP
*Listening to “Larger Than Life”
Do all movement four times.
- Feet shoulder length apart.
- Rotate one ankle clockwise, then counter clockwise. Rotate the other ankle.
- Raise toes on one foot, keeping ankle on ground. Perform on other foot.
- Keeping balls of feet on the ground, bring one knee forward (raising the heel off the ground), return to standing. Do the same movement with your other knee.
- Bring your arms straight above your head, lean to the left side, letting the left arm relax down your side, having your right arm remain above your head as you feel the stretch along your right side. Apply to the other side.
- Bring your arms straight above your head, lean to the front, feeling the stretch in your back, take a deep breath and on the exhale, try to touch your toes/the ground. Hold for as long as comfortable (approximately 10-20 seconds, 4 times).
- As if you have a hula hoop, roll your hips to the left and then to the right.
- Bring your arms to a 90 degree angle, bent at the elbow, twist to the left, then twist to the right.
- Rotate your shoulders forward, then backward.
- Lean your neck to one side, hold for as long as comfortable (approximately 10 seconds, 4 times), do the same on the other side, leaning to the front, then to the back.
- Rotate your neck to look to the left, hold for as long as comfortable (approximately 10 seconds, 4 times), then the same to the right.
Now your body is warm and happy for a walk.
-have a large glass of water 💧
-choose your own music or sounds 🎧
-choose a route ahead of time (know your way, so you can forget where you’re going) 🛣
-offer gratitude for your ability to walk (and anything else you are grateful for) 🙏🏻
-take four deep breaths; keep calm and walk on 🌬
-bring attention to any pain you feel in your body, focus on sending healing that direction, a warm, white light cursing through you directly to the pain
-notice your feet, one step after another, bring attention to the soles of your feet, visualize roots springing out of them, with each step the roots plunge into the earth, assisting you grounding yourself 🌬
-any thoughts come into your mind, acknowledge them, then send them away; push all negative thoughts and energy down to the roots in your feet, repeat as often as needed 🌬
-bring attention to your calves, your knees, white light filling your lower body, visualize your glowing lower body, warm and safe, shaking the legs and hips a little to encourage the flow 🌬
-notice your hips, slow down your strides to really feel how your entire body works to help you move, offer gratitude to your body, feel your glutes (butt) and send that white light through your hips, rising up your glutes and to your lower back, for a moment, hold white light in the root chakra (this chakra represents “I am,” if balanced, there is a sense of safety or fearlessness; if not balanced, there is a lack of perspective and increased vanity). Visualize that white like turning RED briefly if you feel your root chakra needs balancing. 🔴
-bring the white light up to your sacral chakra, an inch below your belly button; physically, this represents your reproductive system (this chakra represents “I feel,” if balanced, it is the source of creativity; if not balanced, there is a withdrawal from things that give pleasure and increased apathy). Visualize that white like turning ORANGE briefly if you feel your sacral chakra needs balancing.
-move the white light up to your solar plexus chakra; physically, this represents your digestive system (this chakra represents “I do,” if balanced, it is the source of manifesting and willpower; if not balanced, it’s causes over sensitive/anger-fuelled reactions and immaturity). Visualize that white like turning YELLOW briefly if you feel your solar plexus chakra needs balancing.
-focus the white light to your heart chakra, physically, this represents your cardiac system and lungs (this chakra represents “I love,” if balanced, it is the source of love; if not balanced, there is paranoia, possessiveness and codependency). Visualize that white like turning GREEN briefly if you feel your heart chakra needs balancing.
-bring attention to your neck and shoulders, unclench your jaw and relax your neck, breath in deeply and try to drop your shoulders. A lot of people carry most of their tension here, so take the time to feel where you are tight or sore and sent the beautiful, healing light there. 🌬
-focus on your left arm, letting the warm glow trail down, over your bicep, elbow, forearm, wrist, you palm warming as the light enters your left hand. Press your hands together and rub. 🌬
-the warm white light moves from your left palm to your right and you feel the glow moving up from your fingers and palm, to your wrist, forearm, elbow, bicep, up to your right shoulder 🌬
-focus the white light to your throat chakra, physically, this represents your mouth, jaw, shoulders and thyroid (this chakra represents “I speak,” if balanced, it is the source of communication; if not balanced, there is egotistical dominance or timid denial). Visualize that white like turning BLUE briefly if you feel your throat chakra needs balancing. 🔵
-remember your slow, deep breaths!
-offer gratitude to your body systems for keeping you healthy and alive ❤️✨
-focus the white light to your third eye chakra, about half an inch above, between your eyebrows (this chakra represents “I see,” if balanced, it is the source of intuition and imagination; if not balanced, it can cause close mindedness, insensitivity and possibly a mental breakdown). Visualize that white like turning INDIGO briefly if you feel your third eye chakra needs balancing.
-focus the white light to your crown chakra, physically, this represents your hypothalamus and pineal gland (this chakra represents “I understand,” if balanced, it is the source of connection; if not balanced, there is a loss of reality and mental stability). Visualize that white like turning VIOLET briefly if you feel your crown chakra needs balancing. 💟
-take as much time as you need with each chakra, take note of how you feel before and after
-about a foot above us sits our soul star, the brilliant, warm, white light I’ve talked about can be channelled through there as well. If you are unsure what else you require from this walking mediation, ask your soul star, it is a direct connection to your higher self. It will offer support, guidance, healing, love and energy and you deserve it all. ✨
-upon returning home, have another glass of water and contemplate your feelings from your walking mediation, I suggest writing them down.
Give Love. Accept Love. Love yourself. Live Love. ❤️💛💚💙💜💟✨