Losing It!

by Mistress Mayhem about a year ago in wellness

Fighting Chronic Pain

Losing It!

I always assume that there is nothing that I could bring to the table when it comes to being healthy, eating healthy, living a healthy life. It is something that I constantly struggle with on a daily basis, if not a minute by minute basis. I know everyone has their thing, their struggle, that everyone has read everything they can, and honestly, what can a simple woman like me bring to the conversation that isn't new??

Maybe I can't bring something new, maybe everyone has heard it all, but the one thing that I don't read a lot about is healthy living, and losing weight while battling with chronic pain and arthritis. That's what I am doing, but lately it seems to be that I am failing. So I'm writing about it now, seeing if maybe reaching out to a community will keep me accountable and possibly make it make sense about what I am going through and struggle with.

I don't have any crazy stories that I was bullied in school for my weight, or that I have heard negative comments on my size. I have never cried because I have wanted to be a specific size, or hate the size that is staring back at me when I try on clothes. I do get frustrated with how clothes for bigger girls have no shape, and always seem to be the outcast clothing. Big girls want to look good too, and don't want to wear shirts that hang loosely off our bodies, where people aren't sure if we are pregnant or just fat. That makes for awkward conversations. But I digress, that would be a whole separate story in itself, which I'm sure I'll be writing someday! I was active as a kid, and even a young adult. I played sports, I was always on the go, and I had no complaints about how I looked in the mirror. Now when I look in the mirror, I don't despise what I see, but my body definitely can feel those extra pounds that I am packing around, and are begging me to get shed it off so life can be a little more easy and less painful.

To get this party started, let's give some insight to what I am dealing with when it comes to the hot mess that is my joints and body.

I was in a serious car accident over a decade ago. I was the passenger in a vehicle that t-boned another at 40 mph. In the accident I had broken my hip (something we wouldn't know for six months!), damaged my knee, and have a whole host of problems that have since followed as a result of the accident. I have an impingement (my hip moved up and to the right to find a new home inside my pelvis), I am missing almost all cartilage on the side of the injured hip, am missing the top of my femur, and the cartilage under my knee is turning into jelly. I was officially diagnosed with chronic pain about six years ago. A great way to ring in my thirties, finding out that I will always be in pain!

Over the years since the accident, I have found it beyond difficult to find motivation on most days. The pain I know will inevitably come from a simple workout has turned into my excuse, although I know it would help me shed the weight that is weighing down on my damaged joint. I find it hard to drag myself out of bed, more from depression than anything else. Chronic pain is no joke. To feel as though no one believes you are in pain because they can't see the pain, there is no open wound, there is no visual representation of the pain you are battling with on a minute to minute basis. Most days, I am too exhausted to even think about lifting some weights, or getting my 10,000 steps in (my Fitbit keeps me aware of just how far I am from that daily goal!).

I am slowly changing habits. I wake up every morning and make it a point to make breakfast, to wander the property with my dog to get some form of movement, and to get as close to my step goal as I am can muster. I know there will be days I will fail, and I know there will be days that I will be over the moon proud of myself for achieving some goals. I have to accept that there are days that I will fail, and failure is what I am going to learn from. Failure is what helps me get motivated, stay motivated, and move forward with more energy than the day before.

This is the beginning of my journey. This is the beginning of a new path, a new beginning, and I hope as my path is forged, I will be able to give you some insight, some advice, some motivation, and hopefully a little bit of hope that we can all achieve our goals one step, one minute, and one moment at a time.

I look forward to sharing my journey with you!!


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