Living with Postpartum Psychosis: An Australian Health Professional's Journey

Ariane Beeston, an Australian health professional, shares her harrowing experience with postpartum psychosis and offers advice for new mothers facing this severe mental illness.

Beeston recalls a moment when she was pushing her son Henry in his buggy and suddenly hallucinated that he had turned into a dragon. “I was walking home from work, pushing the pram, and Henry had turned into a dragon. I was hallucinating,” Beeston tells Nine to Noon’s Kathryn Ryan. This episode marked a return of the psychotic symptoms she had experienced shortly after Henry’s birth. At the time, she had just returned to work, believing it would aid her recovery, only to realize she was not yet well. “I had this real strange sensation of my hands and my fingers not belonging to me, just a very, very distressing almost disembodied.”

In her 20s, Beeston worked as a psychologist with the NSW Department of Communities and Justice when she took a break to have her first child. The intense and stressful nature of her job laid the groundwork for her postpartum psychosis. She has since written a book about her experience, "Because I’m Not Myself, You See," detailing her journey through this challenging period.

Beeston’s career began at the child protection healthline in Australia, where she handled calls from various professionals and community members about children at risk. She later became a frontline case worker, investigating and sometimes removing children from unsafe environments. Her book opens with a story about nappy rash, a common issue for babies but a significant trigger for Beeston, who feared the department might take her baby away due to the rash. “I drew that link that I had been involved in bringing children into care - sometimes they had nappy rash, sometimes they had headlice, and that particular feature just stuck in my mind and I became convinced that the department was coming to remove my baby because of the nappy rash,” she explains.

Postpartum psychosis affects one to two in every 1,000 new mothers in Australia, translating to about 600 women annually. Each case is unique and should be treated as a psychiatric emergency, although it often goes undetected due to subtle symptoms. Beeston’s dual role as a mental health professional and a patient added an extra layer of stigma. She worried about the implications of being too honest about her condition, fearing it might jeopardize her career and professional registration.

Beeston’s story sheds light on the broader spectrum of postpartum conditions. Many new mothers do not experience the immediate “rush of love” often depicted in movies, which can be distressing. Motherhood does not always come naturally, and when it doesn’t, women can feel like they are failing. Common issues include chronic sleeplessness, breastfeeding difficulties, and relationship changes. Nearly all new mothers experience intrusive thoughts, with 80 to 100% having thoughts of something happening to their baby, such as falling while holding them. Alarmingly, 50% of women experience thoughts of intentionally harming their baby, which is deeply distressing but not linked to actual harm.

Beeston underwent two stints in a mother-baby unit at a psychiatric hospital in New South Wales, where she received therapy, medication, and perinatal support. These interventions were crucial for her recovery. “You need time to … process - to process the enormity of what happened … processing the grief of the time that I felt that I had lost to being so unwell and also my developing relationship with my baby,” she says. Eventually, as her love for her son broke through, it significantly aided her recovery. “Once that love did break through, I felt completely smitten … falling in love with him, with my baby, really helped to get me through the recovery.”

Beeston’s experience highlights the importance of recognizing and addressing postpartum psychosis and other mental health issues new mothers may face. Her journey underscores the need for awareness, support, and effective treatment to help women navigate this challenging time.