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Life with my IBS( Irritable Bowel Syndrome)

Things people do not understand what it is like to live with IBS

By Tim DPublished 4 years ago 6 min read
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Life with my IBS( Irritable Bowel Syndrome)
Photo by Alex Iby on Unsplash

I will never forget the day it first happened. I was only 15, my grandmother had recently died, and Ivan had torn through my state. We were visiting family friends in Atlanta, Georgia. That day we were getting ready to go to Stone Mountain, but we never made it. Breakfast seemed normal. Fruit, biscuits with syrup, and sausage. I sat at the table eating with all the other kids, but shortly after pain in the my stomach started. I thought it was indigestion so I got a Tums from my mom's friend. Then I went outside for a short walk and some air. I did not even make it out of their yard before my pain got so intense I could not stand it. Immediately I went back towards the house everyone was upstairs getting ready, so I tried to climb the stairs to get help. Last thing I remembered was reaching the top of the stairs, intense gut wrenching agony, so much pain, and then my mom's friend screaming for someone to catch me. I woke up at the bottom of the stairs to the screaming of one of the younger girls saying that I had died. There was no way to know that this one day, this one event, would change the way I lived and approached my life everyday from then on.

For the next year I went from doctor to doctor trying to find out what was wrong with me. Test after test came back negative. Scans, stress tests, tests I do not even know what they were for all came back negative. I was instructed to keep a food journal that included any notice of pain after ingestion and provide samples of fecal matter. Eventually we got an answer to what it was. IBS or Irritable Bowel Syndrome. A disease that gets worse with stress and certain foods. Or, unfortunately for me, one that just slowly gets worse over the years. It causes intense intestinal pain. It feels like someone has taken a glove covered in nails and gripped your intestines. Then they begin to jerk and twist you making you suffer until you find a bathroom to relieve yourself. Better hope you find one too....

It sounds simple right? Avoid stress and eat right. Maybe take some stool softener. Get over it. It is in your mind. Why can't you control your bowels? If only life were so simple. I cut so much out of my diet. I avoid deep fried foods 99% of the time, but I did grow up in the deep south so fried chicken is a must sometimes. Despite my love of milkshakes I avoid all dairy products when possible. When my craving gets strong for one, I only have it on a night that I do not work the next day. It has to be that way because I am going to be sick to my stomach. I have tried taking lactaid pills, but the problem isn't really lactose intolerance. Thus the pills have limited effect. Yes, there are medicines specifically for people with IBS; however, the side effects always seem to be worse than the IBS. Just last year I tried a new one at the recommendation of my doctor. I lost a week of work from it, and even after I stopped taking it I was still sick for a few days after.

Consequently, every day is a toss up. It is hard to make plans for the future. Even with all the stress reduction I try (aromatherapy, yoga, long walks) and a death grip on my eating habits, I still have some degree of pain from IBS every day. I take probiotics and Metamucil every day. 90% of the time, when I can afford it, I cook only organic fresh foods because they do not have all the chemicals. Some friends are understanding when I have to bail the last minute or when I suddenly demand we find a bathroom. Some do not understand at all and usually we are not friends long. I really don't blame them though. If I could I would avoid having to deal with this too. It effects everything. For instance, if I want to make the 7 hour drive home to visit family I have to spend the whole day before trying to expel everything inside me, and then the next day during the whole trip I don't eat anything at all. Just in case I miscalculated and something happens, I only drive down the backroads that go through towns. At least this way I won't have to pull over in a patch of trees to relieve myself.....again. I have a massive fear of planes and being in one. I only fly in them if I absolutely must, and I always pay whatever it takes to get an aisle seat near the bathrooms. Trust me I am going to be getting up and down frequently.

I have never had what someone would call a "normal job". Despite having a college degree, I find it hard to compete in most jobs. Typically ,when I have tried, I end up in a vicious cycle. My IBS causes me to miss work or have problems at work, this causes stress, and that causes more IBS problems. You can see how this is problematic for me. Consequently, I have spent most of my life as a server in a restaurant or doing other odd jobs. For awhile I was an activities assistant in an elderly home and that worked pretty well, but there was no growth there. Plus their idea of a raise was a joke. I couldn't work full time there anymore and hope to pay all my bills. I tried to get a job as an activities director. To my absolute horror I started having a severe IBS attack right in the middle of the interview in the middle of the Executive director's office. I saw her private bathroom to my right, dove in, slammed the door, and nearly 30 min later I came out so embarrassed I just left.

Very few people understand how hard this disease is. I haven't even talked about the really bad parts of it. I have little hope of getting ahead in life in more "traditional manners". But I am not upset, I am not mad, and I have found it gives me more value for everyday. Any day that I wake up and I am either symptom free or mildly symptomatic, I make the most of that day. I get out. I see the world. I appreciate it so much more. What I really want people to understand is this: Yes, my life is not normal, and never will be. But I am happy. My life isn't less because of this, it's just different.

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