Learn to accept your emotions

The more we reject pain, the easier it is to cause trouble to people; but when we realize the meaning of pain and fully accept it, happiness becomes easier instead.

Today, we will talk specifically about the meaning of pain and how to get along with it.

What is the value of pain?

People like happy experiences, and try to avoid negative emotions such as pain, sadness, and anxiety. Because they not only make people uncomfortable, but also interfere with our normal life, and even hinder our development.

But since negative emotions are so bad, why have they not been eliminated in the long evolution?

1. Pain can provide a strong motivation for behavior

I believe you must have seen a lot of "Jedi Strikes Back", "Death and Resurrection" and the like. The protagonist is often in desperate situation, and then burst out with amazing power.

This setting is not only for drama, but also scientifically based: Psychology has found that, compared to pursuing happiness, wanting to get rid of current pain can provide us with stronger motivations for behavior.

For example, when you were a student, if you were reprimanded by the teacher for a failure in the exam, you would often start studying hard next.

2. Pain allows us to build a deeper connection with others

When a person suffers, the sorrow that he reveals will trigger empathy and compassion in others, and promote the formation of deep connections.

For example, you can think of your best friend in your mind.

I guess this person does not necessarily get along with you day and night, and may even have not met for a long time, but he must accompany you through the difficult situation when you are suddenly sleepy.

The key difference between these two approaches is:

In the process of pursuing happiness, if they experience negative experiences such as anxiety, worries, and stress, can they accept and understand them from a positive perspective and regard them as part of the realization of happiness.

Therefore, if you are experiencing this kind of pain now, it may not be a bad thing. The key depends on how you regard this pain as another value.

Face pain

What should we do?

Through the previous article, I believe you have some new understanding of pain. In addition to seeing the value of pain and changing the orientation of happiness, what other methods can help us face pain?

1. Writing is painful

Psychologists found that writing down pain in words is the key to regaining happiness.

American psychologist James Pennebaker recruited 50 healthy college students and randomly divided them into two groups. They spent about 30 minutes writing essays every day for 4 days.

One group of students needed to write words “related to painful experiences”, and the other group wrote casually superficial content, such as what they ate, what they did, and where they went.

After six months, Pennebaker discovered that the group of students who wrote about painful experiences had stronger cellular immune functions and better physical and mental health.

Outside of the university environment, let's look at the workplace again.

Psychologists have tracked and investigated 63 unemployed technical workers and asked them to join a writing experiment. These people were randomly divided into two groups. They were required to write "How does unemployment affect your life, the deeper the better" and "How do you find a job every day during this period, please list your method of finding a job" for 5 consecutive days. Write for 30 minutes a day.

In the end, the researchers found that the rate of finding new jobs in the first group of writing tasks was much higher than that of the other group.

Now you see: writing pain can help us take care of our mood and reap more of the beauty of life.

If you feel painful, you might as well try to write about it.

2. Feel the pain "immersively"

We all know that the unknown brings fear.

In many cases, the reason why the pain is terrible is because we do not know when the pain will pass or how to solve it.

It's like you walked into a cave and got lost, not only afraid of the darkness, but also afraid that you could not find your way out.

Therefore, we can watch movies, read books, and "immersively" understand other people's similar painful experiences. In the process, you can see this painful state, and you can also understand the way to get through the pain. In this way, you will be able to face and accept your pain more calmly.

It's like finding a map of a cave. Although you are still in the dark, you at least know that "pain is normal" and "I can go out."

Seeing this, you may think that we have not given a specific solution to the pain.

But what I want to say is that no one can completely avoid the appearance of pain. Perhaps accepting the pain itself can help us calmly examine it and get out of the predicament.