I unwittingly broke my sugar ban with a take out salad

This story begins two days ago. It was a Tuesday morning and I was up and into the office early, and not being a morning person on the best of days I'll be honest and say the 6am alarm had not been my friend. I also already thought it was Wednesday, which didn't help my mood in the slightest. The day was grey and wet and horribly cold, the epitome of a typical English winter day. The morning in the office had rushed by in a series of meetings including one placed right over lunch time that of course overran, so by the time I got back to my desk and thought about food at 1:20pm I was quite frankly ready to gnaw my own arm off.

All I wanted for days was sushi (which in itself is such a disgustingly middle class first world thing to say that I hate myself quite a lot for writing it down, just so you know), but the chain sushi take out place nearest to me didn't have nutritional information online to clarify whether their little trays of raw fishy goodness had sugar in. After an extensive office poll of five of my colleagues and a quick google the decision was made that if I was being strict I had to stay away from sushi as the rice is apparently, and for no good reason that I could see, traditionally made with sugar water.

I was not happy. I slumped on my coat and scarf as The Hanger began to boil up inside me and I headed towards the lifts. The red mist fell infront of my eyes on my decent to the ground floor and all I could think was "I just want something tasty and nice that isn't another fucking salad god damn it!" I was getting myself all riled up now and I barged through the reception doors out into the cold. I was tired, hungry and thoroughly pissed off at my limited eating options.

I stormed into Wasabi, took one look at the sushi and knew I had to leave. It may not be a cookie or a cake, but I would know that if I chose that delicious tray of salmon that I wanted oh so badly that there could be sugar in it, and therefore the run of consciously choosing to stay away from the stuff would be broken. I couldn't do it to myself. The reality hit me right there and then next to the sashimi - there was nothing I could eat and nowhere I could go. I stumbled out of the door with a bleary head and a racing heart, angry and alone in my plight, and oh so very hungry. And there on the grass in the middle of Pancras Square I sank to my knees in the rain and screamed "WHYYYYYYYY?!" shaking my fists to the skies whilst fellow office workers looked on in horror.

The frustration and hunger may have made me remember this incident in an overly dramatic fashion. I admit that. But what I tell you next is no exaggeration. I ended up buying a salad from chain healthy eatery Leon as I had done a bit of homework at the start of the month and knew that a lot of their salads are free from sugar. I took my haul and headed back to the office where I sat with my friends and tucked into my kale chicken caesar. As my blood sugar levelled out and I became a nice person again a little voice spoke up from the back of my brain that said "that salad dressing is too creamy and delicious to be sugar free you dumb dumb". I hate that little voice. I could have just ignored her but once I'd heard her I couldn't shake it, so I went back onto the Leon website to look up the nutritional information of my tasty tasty salad.

Damn you little voice, she was right! My salad had deceived me. The dressing had sugar in and I was already halfway through. I did stop and consider throwing the salad away, but a number of factors stopped me:

1) I hate wasting food. It wouldn't have felt right to throw a perfectly good salad in the bin.

2) It was three days before January payday and I am SO BROKE it's not funny. I couldn't really afford Leon anyway so I couldn't afford a replacement lunch.

3) It was tasty and I was hungry.

Soooo I ate it. And I hated myself for it. And everyone told me it was fine because it wasn't a cookie or a cake, but quite honestly I felt cheated. There are so many things you don't realise have sugar in until you scrutinise the ingredients list, and so many of them are completely unexpected. I wanted to buy some pre-cooked chicken at Waitrose the other day (it's a fancy pants supermarket for those of you not in the UK) and it's all cooked with the addition of brown sugar. Why! There does not seem to be a need to add sugar to a basic cooked meat. It's sneaky and unnecessary and makes making good choices extremely difficult. Soup! Nearly all the premade soups have sugar in them. They could use a natural sugar substitute if it's about balancing flavours but most choose not to (big up tesco and their tomato soup in a pot that uses agave nectar, it's the shiz).

What has this ordeal taught me? Mainly that I need to be better at preparing and taking my own lunches to work if I want to stick to no sugar and have variety. That almost everything has sugar in and I have no idea why. And that I can be a touch over dramatic when I'm hungry.

S xx