How To Sound Confident When Speaking

Confidence is attractive, and charismatic people have a lot.

They speak with their chest out, shoulders up, and gaze straight into your soul when speaking.

They present their thoughts and opinions with resolve in a steady cadence.

Beyond the body language and cadence of their voices, charismatic and confident people are particular about their word preference when speaking. They choose simple and clear but empowering words.

You probably wonder why you're extremely the opposite. Why you're apologetic and considerate?

If there was a switch to hit to turn it off, I'm sure you would.

You're too nice

You're too considerate

You care extremely about how your actions and words affect others

You over-explain yourself because you think others may have misinterpreted your intentions and, to avoid the confrontation, you keep talking… talking... and talking.

You undercut your capabilities and skills and take less credit than you should

You tone down on your intentions to sound polite (extremely polite). You're constantly censuring and filtering your language, avoiding sounding overbearing.

In public, you hate being the centre of attraction. Self-promotion is something you loath, yet you're upset about not receiving the recognition that you merit for your hard work and effort.

Well, you're welcome to the party for persons struggling to find their mojo.

The problem here is CONFIDENCE. Maybe not your inner confidence, but certainly your outer confidence.

Confidence is palpable. And people can feel it in your choice of words.

I know you're motivated, hardworking, good at your job. Yet somehow you feel as though people don't take you seriously as they should.

The problem maybe you're constantly relinquishing power and control to other people. The very reason you're probably being overlooked for promotions and opportunities that you merit.

In all these situations, you're screaming out, upset. Why?

Deep down, you sense the problem is not others, but you. Yet it's been difficult to address it.

Well, part of the problem about why your influence and power over others seems to be non-existent is because of what you say and how you sound when you say it.

Being someone who's struggled many years with this problem, I identified that the choice of words we use when communicating affects our confidence and also the influence we cast over others. Your choice of words doesn't steal people's attention. It fails to earn their admiration and respect.

Certain words and phrases I found cause others to perceive you as less. They dismiss and undermine your authority, credibility, and competence because you keep employing these words and phrases in your speeches, which projects a weak sense of self.

Attempting to eliminate these words and phrases from your daily conversations will help you mirror your inner confidence.

You will finally have others perceive your brilliance and authority over the things you communicate.

Avoid these words and phrases and regain your mojo now.

1. "Can you"

You trade your power and authority when you use this phrase.

It's alright to say "Can you" when requesting something from your supervisor or someone in higher authority than you.

Besides that, if you're fond of throwing this phrase around, even when speaking to your colleagues and subordinates, you will wind up losing your authority and power. What you do using this phrase is handing over control to the other party and having them call the shots.

It screams unreadiness and the absence of urgency and commitment on your part.

So instead of saying, "Can we have the call today?" which transfers control to the other person. With a colleague or subordinate, be more direct and assertive. Communicate your position and have them agree or disagree.

A better wording would therefore be, "Let's have the call today at 3 PM. Does that sound good?"

Here, you wield power and control and influence. There isn't ambiguity on who's in charge. You present your need and call on the other person to align their schedule and plans to yours, not the other way round. With this forthright attitude, you stand a better chance at positive outcomes.

2. "Just"

Polite markers have their place in conversations. But in competitive spaces, like the workplace, it's important to eliminate them from your conversations.

The word "just" in corporate settings doesn't communicate politeness instead triviality. When people hear the word 'just', they instinctively attach unimportance to whatever comes after it.

Bad example: 

"I just patched the code and deployed it"

With this example, a software developer during a stand-up meeting invalidates and undercut his efforts and hard work on a patch he's written by choosing to use the adverb "just".

Rather than draw his team's attention to his competence and the value created by the patch he wrote, he unintentionally undermined and undervalued his input and output by choosing to use the word "just".

"Just" conveys frivolity and unimportance. It communicates the idea you could have done more than you did. It screams incompetence and inactivity.

You must eliminate "just" from your conversations both in formal and informal settings.

Good example:

"I patched the code and deployed it"

3. "I think"

Again, another word that is often intended to communicate politeness. Yet, overuse in competitive settings conveys doubt and uncertainty about the speaker.

In the workplace, the last thing you want is to have your colleagues and managers questioning your competence and abilities.

Well, using the phrase "I think" achieves precisely that. It calls your audience to analyze and doubt your message.

The speaker's original intent employing "I think" often isn't the absence of understanding or mastery over the subject. Rather, his attempt to incite dialogue and engagement with his audience on the subject. Regardless of intent, you'll wind up losing credibility and trust from your audience by using the phrase "I think".

For this reason, consider an alternative phrase that doesn't put your skills and competence into disrepute. When the goal is to solicit feedback from your audience, be direct and forthright with the request. Ask a direction question.

If the intent is not to spark a dialogue, then eliminate the phrase completely from your delivery.

Bad example: 

"Option B seems promising, but I think we should consider option A instead of B"

Good example:

"Option B seems promising, but I believe considering option A will lead to bigger results"

Using the phrase "I believe" instead of "I think" conveys resolve, confidence and not a flimsy, whimsical idea or opinion. This is true even when you're truly not confident and certain about your opinion. People don't like to lay a wager on "I think" opinions and ideas.

4. "Sorry"

Only use "sorry" when you truly are apologetic about something. You did something wrong and have to take responsibility for it? Apologize.

If not the case, throwing the word "sorry" around every time you inconvenience others or disagree with them, you are subtly demeaning yourself. You're communicating incompetence. You're admitting how unreliable you are.

You dampen people's trust in you when they're consistently hearing "sorry" from you. When the inconvenience is not completely your fault, avoid saying sorry. Simply gloss over the situation and proceed with whatever activity there is.

But if you sense the need to address the inconvenience, choose your wording carefully to address both the inconvenience and your competence.

Bad example: 

"Good afternoon. I'm very sorry for the delay. I got caught in terrible traffic"

In addressing the inconvenience, your choice of words also portrayed you as an unreliable person. You put your competence and dedication into disrepute with your choice of words.

Frequently saying "sorry" makes others think less of you.

The habitual usage of "I'm sorry" often suggests some challenges with self-confidence and self-esteem that you have to work at. A good sense of self mitigates the habit of being extremely apologetic.

Fun fact: A BBC report tells that the British say sorry more often than necessary. One recent poll found that there would be 15 British 'sorries' for every 10 American ones.

Instead of saying "I'm sorry", a better way to address inconvenient situations, like being late for a meeting.

Good example:

"Good afternoon, thank you for waiting for me. I'm confident we'll have a fruitful meeting today"

Here, you take responsibility for the delay without degrading your competency and reliability. You further emphasised your capabilities and promised a fruitful meeting, regardless of the earlier hiccup.

5. "Does this make sense?"

The moment an audience hears this question from a speaker, their mind automatically starts over analysing the message of the speaker. They become critical. They question the speaker's credibility and authority on the subject.

Admittedly, the original intent of the speaker's question was to draw feedback from the audience. Unfortunately, psychologically, "Does this make sense?" is an implicit call on your audiences to be critical and analytical of your delivery.

Learn this, even when you truly are in doubt and trying to elicit feedback and diverse opinions, avoid employing "Does this make sense?"

When your intention is to draw feedback, choose instead to ask a direct question.

Good example: 

"Before I proceed to the next item, does anybody has a question?"

Final Thoughts

Eliminating these disempowering words from your daily speech will not be a walk in the park. But being conscious and critical of your word preference will ultimately turn you into a confident and charismatic speaker.

If you made it all the way down here, then thank you.

I hope you found this article helpful. Wish you the best and see you again some time.

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