How To Destroy Your Confidence or Why I Quit Social Media?

Why I quit social media?

No, not forever though, but sometimes it feels like it would be better if so.

Social media. Two words that have become vital for us. Two words that bring us mixed feelings. Two words that may give you a purge inspiration or completely destroy your confidence, step on you, spit on you and leave you alone. This time forever.

How many times a day you check your Instagram? Or Snapchat? Or Facebook? Or Twitter? Ten? Fifteen? Two hundred? Have you ever thought of it? I have. Yet a week ago I have caught myself several times holding my phone in my palm, unlocking it by typing in the same four-digit PIN code that I have had for years and ending up on the main screen. Even if, I had an initial task to check the weather forecast or simply going online to see whether the recipe said to use two or three eggs in the cake batter, I have ended up on social media. The movement of my fingers scrolling through the jungle of other apps on my phone in search for that one particular app has stuck in my muscular memory forever. It is like a snapshot. An automatic thing that many of us do not even notice to happen. But it does.

I lost count of how many times have I found myself sitting in the most uncomfortable, non-ergonomic position for hours just scrolling through my phone even though on the background I had a whole bunch of things that were calling for my attention; the kettle had boiled and made a distinguishing sound to be taken off the stove, the washing machine was all done and dusty and wet clothes were waiting there to be transferred to the dryer; cat was meowing hungry and begging for food. But I was there, in the world of beautiful models, expensive cars and exotic getaways. I was on social media.

It all started at a rather immaculate point. At first, I, likewise many other people out there, was using social media mostly to seek inspiration, to keep up with what my friends were doing, and in general, in what direction the world was moving. I scrolled through pictures wondering, how does it feel to be famous, with millions and millions of followers from all over the globe? How does feel, to be able to post a picture and get hundreds of thousands of likes within just minutes if not seconds? How does it feel to be a role model, to have an influence and being able to affect so many people? It felt odd. I just couldn’t digest the idea that somebody (and now I’m not talking about the old-fashion TV celebrities) can grow to have so big social media ego to actually raise up jealousy among "mortal" people and even other celebrities within a matter of one post?! But then the truth hit.

In order to understand the social media influencers better, I decided to dig deeper and make a little research on the matter. I wanted to know, how quick and to what extent can an influencer actually influence his/her viewers? I wanted to see, whether it is possible to resist the influence and remain neutral within the community that is constantly trying to sell you something was it an item or just an idea, a concept? And I dived in.

As natural as it might feel to be constantly influenced by something, we think that it is hard to actually shape our minds and manipulate our thoughts and actions, in the end it is easier than we expect. It is enough for us to see a picture or watch a video with something or someone that we consider beautiful, was it a person or an item, we unconsciously get jealous. And even if we don’t openly recognize the feeling of jealousy as such, it is enough for a phrase “Oh, wow, what a cool room she has; wish I could have the same one.” to lurk in our mind, to actually seed the feeling of jealousy. And this is scary.

So, in the end, why did I quit social media? Well. Simple. I got jealous. Yes. As simple as it sounds, as simple as it is, I got jealous. The research, or shall we now call it “The Experiment” went wrong. I consciously exposed myself to the influence of social media stars and whatever they had to sell me on a daily basis for several months that one day I just had enough. One day I found myself putting a chocolate bar back to the shelf with a thought in my head “OMG! I cannot eat that, otherwise, I will be even further away from an ideal summer body, tanned and slim, just like that one model has, the one that I saw the other day.” And here I woke up. It felt like I was in a dream… It felt like I was missing something. That something ended up being the happiness of real life. All the “Shiny things, Cartier rings for the momentary high” just like in Nessa Briella’s song Social Suicide had blinded up my mind and made me a slave of the beautiful picture. I realized, how stupid I was and how many things I have missed out because of the social media and all the lie that it implies. I understood.

The same moment I unlocked my phone, opened the folder with all my social media and transferred the folder away from the main screen. Away. As far away as I could to hide it from my eyes. Then I went to the settings and disabled all notifications from those apps. It felt right. Sometimes something that feels unreal to do actually ends up being the easiest thing you have ever done. The same happened to me. I no longer stalk my crush’s profile or what he has commented on the other girls’ pictures. I no longer scroll through influencers’ pages with my eyes wide open wondering how much another car or another ring might cost. I no longer see the slim and tanned models with perfect faces and long wavy hair and their captions with hashtag #wokeuplikethis even though everybody knows, damn, you didn’t.

I no longer do that. Now I live.

-S.I