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How To Chill When You Can't

I was so stressed by the time high school ended, I'd lost all my hair. What's one supposed to do?

By The Passionate AutisticPublished 3 years ago 4 min read
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Keep your resolutions within reach

Most of my interests bring both inner peace with their share of stresses. Perfectionism. Reading science books after a full day working as an Electrician, sounds productive, but doesn't leave one with much breathing room. I can't help myself with my interests though, I am thankful they're productive at least.

Love making customers smile!

Working on creative projects brings the same. It became so daunting in high school. The first couple pieces I wrote and performed were met with great response. But that didn't just put pressure on me to make more great works, but to make works that were greater.

I'd plateaued as soon as I started in Grade 10. I looked down below and could only visualize my fall. During my real life fall, I resorted to plagiarism, trying to grasp onto anything in high school, even if I was living all the Sylvia Plath material I'd need to write. I wrote very little and then nothing for 10 years after I was caught shortly after high school.

In high school, a buddy came up with a great idea for an animated series. After a long time, I finally convinced him a decade later that he was sitting on creative gold. The series has written itself, as I knew it would. I always believed in our creative sides. But I deal in concrete, not quicksand. I formed the entire plot for the entire series before we started writing.

I found a different type of serenity over the course of production. I finally believed in myself and my capabilities. I was happy my creative side was getting out there. Yet there's still that pressure, always with this boy.

It has nothing to do with failure, the joys often come from the realization of how far I'd come on my soul journey. A high school drop out three months shy of graduation. I appreciate all moments of creativity (minus the end tail of an 8 hour creative jam). But much like the science books, it doesn't leave me with much breathing room. Constantly working on it, is, well, work.

The Justice Squeeze

Yet, it's the best advice I could offer anyone; find a job and do things that truly make you happy. I looked, and found too much of what made other people in my life happy. I love my job as an Electrician, and being able to make people smile while doing that brings me inner peace. Still is hard work to accomplish that.

So how does one find any peace while living a chaotic life under pressure?

Under Pressure

For myself, nature and music bring me back down to earth. Dancing was ingrained in my being, even if I'd never taken a single lesson. I learned what I needed to from the movie Hitch! and a camp counselor. Yet, like my other interests, the physical portion of dancing still left me to burning out. I'd find a way to dance, while mediating.

Meditating on its own hadn't worked. I had far too much on my mind and sitting in a quiet atmosphere seemed counter-intuitive, just made the thoughts louder. I started with guided and physical awareness meditation. Journey's to ancient mineral spas. Coundowns interlaced with binural beats. After my diagnosis in 2021, I was introduced to a new type of music I'd never heard before: 8D music.

I'd now found the best of all my worlds. I could mediate to songs I enjoyed in the style of 8D, the tunes playing atmospherically in my headphones. They dance around my head, and it feels like my brain dances with it. Dance mediation we could call it. It keeps my brain stimulated so I won't remain too calm coming out of it. Music has always been an intrinsic interest of mine, got me through a lot. I wasn't surprised when Spotify informed me I'd listened to 101 000 minutes of music in 2020. I wonder how many I'll get for 2021.

I wasn't "allowed" to listen to rap before, I'm pretty sure that's why it got the 2021 spotlight

I thought I'd like camping, and that turned out to be true. It was where I'd find my true inner peace. Where I'd leave everything behind, and truly give my brain a vacation. No bills at the lake, no pressure, just discovery. Listen to your intuitions.

Camping 2021

I often go camping alone, wanting to ignore the things I know set me off from group camping, like the lack of schedule. When I do go with a group, they know I will head off on my own from time to time, on my own inner quests. I often put inspirational music on and scan the landscapes of the different lakes and parks I visit.

The associations of my life swirl around my brain, but at the end, I know I weathered the storm. Know I'm grateful for every sunset I end the day admiring, and equally as grateful to rise with it the next.

The world won't tell you when to rise

I wonder now if those who've never weathered such storms, can truly see the beauty in the sunsets.

Peace and serenity

meditation
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About the Creator

The Passionate Autistic

Let me take you on a journey of feelings

linktr.ee/passionateautistic

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