How I Tolerate Running
Not Love, but Tolerate
"No one can catch me when I run," "I just feel so free," "I just love running!"
I'm sorry, but I don't understand any of those phrases. How people can look and feel graceful when running, treadmill or outdoors, is beyond me. Someone very well can catch you if they are faster and you can't run forever, how you can feel free and run peacefully seems fake, and how you can really love to run is something I strive for but for the life of me cannot seem to do. SO, I stopped trying to love it, but allowed myself to tolerate it.
As someone who has fought a long internal battle with how she perceives herself versus how the rest of the world does, I accepted working out as an integral part of my life. Sure I like the physical payoff, I like it a lot actually, but I also rely heavily upon the endorphins released when I let myself look like a hot and sweaty mess. I used to hate people who preached the holy word of their fitness guides, but damn does it work on assisting the battle between young woman and depression. For years I strayed from running. I hopped on the elliptical, did a lot of stretching and eventually even got into weights. That worked for me for a while, but i knew I was missing out on a lot in terms of getting the most out of my workout.
I have always been taller and slimmer, but used my more athletically inclined body for things like leading the Marching Band or grabbing cookies off of the top shelf. My sister however, shorter in stature and athletically driven, worked incredibly hard to maintain varsity on every sports team that allowed women for her entire high school career. We shared a few years in college together, and it was at a step aerobics class that we took together where I realized I actually COULD run. We would do warm up laps, and while in the past I had convinced myself that "Yeah girl, running on the treadmill for a minute straight is GREAT WORK and all you need in a work out," jogging alongside my sister for FIVE WHOLE MINUTES without stopping was a huge win for me. It was the reminder that my whole life is an unintentional competition with my sister, and I would be damned if I gave up and she pushed on. Having the image of running alongside someone, especially someone I look up to and want to DESTROY in competition, helped me a lot in my running endeavors.
If I think about running while I am running, I really am going to hate that I am running. I find lots of shows on Netflix that are dramatic in nature (right now it is Criminal Minds) and even re-watch a majority of shows I have loved and been addicted to and leave it on during my workout. And I always make sure that the timer is covered, letting the story of the show be my stopwatch. I'd rather see how far I get in a 30 minute episode than stare at the lap marker for 20 minutes and actually remember that I am doing this willingly.
A vain part of my recipe for toleration is running next to a mirror. If I look over and see what I am doing, nine out of ten times I think, "Damn girl, get it." However, the odd single time I look over and my headphone falls out I just get really frustrated and throw off my flow, so do with that what you will. Now if the treadmill is facing a mirror, that is not going to work for me. Who wants to run toward themselves when you can run side by side or even away?
Vain ingredient number two is knowing I am more than likely being watched. I don't want ANYONE to think that I am not pushing myself and that they can watch me give up, maybe I am someone's inspiration. So I keep going, if not for me, for someone else... or for the satisfaction of knowing my sister would not give up and I better run farther than she can.
One more thing I do on the rare occasion where I am alone in the gym (which actually is not that rare, I live in a small tourist town), is that I put on some feel good music sung by the original cast of Glee ("Hate on Me" in particular) and sprint like no one really can catch me unless it was like a cheetah or a buffalo or a bear or something. That three minutes and some odd seconds of dying and pushing through is an incredible feeling, one that I tolerate the most besides the fast results I see if I stay away from the free cookies at work for longer than a day.
So take this information on one girl's guide to running, and do with it what you will. If you are someone that believes in the first three phrases of this post I apologize if I offended you but know that I look up to you and strive to understand that feeling. But, for now, I'll stick to showing up to the gym not exactly excited to run, but not exactly dreading it either. It's like going on a road trip. While the destination is going to be more or less awesome, the trip is still super long and even if you have good company you'll still get bored after a few hours.
About the Creator
Kaylee Lawrence
"You know what they say. Fool me once, strike one, but fool me twice...strike three."
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